Just For Tonight

I'm Sorry.

"Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me."

"So what part exactly of leaving you the hell out of it do you seem to not understand?" I ask trying to seem calm as I sit across from him in the room with the mediator to try and reach a settlement. "Because I gave you an absolute out and now we're here because you refused to sign it." 

"Maybe I don't want an absolute out anymore," Christian states looking at me as I'm leaned back in my chair my arms crossed over my chest. I'm not agreeing to shit unless it's the agreement I sent him.

Scoffing I roll my eyes, "Why? Because the media would have, or should I say, is having a field day if you chose to not be involved in the kid's life? You'd lose that squeaky clean image that you're desperately trying to play on so now you're trying to go for father of the year? Nah, I'm not fucking playing this game." 

"Who are you to say that has anything to do with this?" Christian asks notably getting pissed off at my response. "When you told me you were pregnant I had no clue what the hell to think Ashtyn. It's not something I ever really pictured happening in my life at this point, let alone in this way. Ashtyn I knew, well know, practically nothing about you how am I just supposed to trust that this wasn't some cash grab or stab at a little bit of clout for you. It's a little hard to believe that you get pregnant conveniently the one time you have sex in what you claimed was what, three months?" 

"Jesus fucking christ you didn't even put on a condom or ask if I was on birth control," I reply rolling my eyes, "So yeah, pretty sure even if that was anywhere near what I was trying to accomplish that'd be on you for not taking those precautions."

"Yeah I get it, I fucked up," Christian says shaking his head, "Now I'm trying to take responsibility for that." 

"Bullshit," I call him out, "You're taking responsibility for the media attention on you because it's not a good look for you at all especially openly wanting nothing to do with my baby. I can guarantee if the story wasn't leaked to the press you'd still want nothing to do with the baby."

"There is absolutely no way you can say or even think that," Christian says shaking his head getting upset with me for the billionth time since we've met. "Neither of us know shit about each other how the hell is it fair for you to assume that?" 

Laughing at the sheer audacity, I shake my head, "God that's rich coming from you. It's not fair for me to assume that based on the actions you've shown up until this point, but you get to assume that I got pregnant for your fucking money? Funny how that shit works. You gave me a two million dollar fucking check with a note telling me to do whatever I wanted and to leave you out of it. You even proceeded to block me so I had no way to contact you after I decided I was keeping this baby. Every second of the way up until this point you've wanted nothing to do with this kid but now all the sudden you want in and have a change of heart? No, I don't fucking buy it, and I'm not fucking signing an agreement here today. I'll see you in court unless you decide to back out of that too," I finish before pushing back in my chair the legs scraping along the floor as I stand up and exit not leaving time for any counter-argument from anyone. He's not signing my agreement, there's no chance in hell I'm signing his. 

~~~~~

"Thank you both for being here today, I'm sorry that this has come down to this but after today I hope both of you are satisfied with what we can get into place," The judge Christian and I are sat before starts addressing us both. "Alright as the prosecution Ashtyn we'll have you plead your case today as to why you should be awarded full custody of the baby you're carrying." Nodding I stand leaving my blazer unbuttoned as it's become increasingly uncomfortable otherwise due to the kid seeming to triple in size recently. 

Taking the stand I'm asked to present my case. "Ever since I got pregnant Christian has been adamant that he wants nothing to do with this baby. Refusing to believe that it's his, screaming at me essentially because he's assumed that I was trying to trap him or something by getting pregnant. From day one I've told him that hey if you don't want to be a part of this, don't. I've got a very successful company under me and haven't ever needed money from him. So tell me why I come into my office one night and immediately get handed an envelope containing a two million dollar check in it along with the note here that says, 'Do whatever the hell you want, leave me out of it.'" Glancing over at Christian I watch him shift slightly uncomfortable after hearing my statement regarding the note. "Look, I grew up with an absent father who felt like he could just show up and ditch out whenever the hell he wanted and I know damn well that I don't want that for my kid. That note paired with that check told me that, right now, Christian wants nothing to do with the kid but that's not to say in a year he doesn't change his mind and decides to just drop in, because hey he gave me that check I can't exactly just say no. That's not something I'm interested in putting my child through. Not to mention March through potentially October he's not exactly in a position to be a present father let alone have custody of the kid in a stable environment." 

"Like I said I grew up with a father who wasn't really there at all other than when it was convenient for him. The missed birthdays, holidays, school plays, whatever sports game I had going on and even him missing me creating and running my company are things that still stick with me," I say before taking a deep breath trying my damndest not to cry right now. "He wasn't there except when it was convenient for him and he felt like that was good enough, I can assure you right now that it wasn't. Knowing that he could've been there but for no reason chose not to be at time is a lot harder to go through than not even having to know him would've been. I don't want that for my kid." Glancing between the judge and Christian along with his attorney they all seem sympathetic to my case. God, I hate that. People don't need to know my business then feel bad for me because of it, I'm still standing and I dealt with it. I'm here and it isn't something that needs to be a defining characteristic of my life because I did it all without him, without really anyone for that matter. 

"Is there anything else you'd like to add Ms.Kingston?" I shake my head before the judge nods, "Thank you." He nods to me and I step down as Christian is called up. 

Christian sits straight up in the seat, "When I found out that Ashtyn was pregnant, I had no idea what the hell that meant for me." Christian states giving I guess his testimony, I don't really know what to call it since it's not like a criminal case. "Ashtyn and I met one time and now she's pregnant and it's my kid. Given my position, it's not something that's supposed to happen and it pretty much doesn't happen just for no reason. A lot of people see my job and think they can gain something from me out of it. It's no secret how much I make in a year so it's not really hard to assume that people want to take advantage of that. You almost have to in my position. So I definitely didn't handle anything the way I should've I'll be the first to admit that. I was a dick to you Ashtyn and I'm sorry," He tells me looking directly to me, "I don't know if that's good enough or if anything I can do or say is going to be good enough to make up for how I've acted but I need to you know that I am sorry. When I found out you were pregnant I had no idea what the hell to do and it was incredibly easy for me to just act like it wasn't a thing." Christian pauses taking a deep breath, "And yeah had the news not been leaked to the press odds are I'd probably be in the same spot as before and I would've signed the custody agreement you served me. Because the news broke though I was forced to talk to people about it. I was forced to face it and figure out what I really wanted when it came to this kid because it wasn't something I could just keep to myself and have no one in my life know about it anymore. I know as much as anyone that I've fucked up time and time again with this whole thing and almost every interaction I've had with you but I want to do better and I'm going to do better for you and for this baby." How am I just supposed to trust that? Sure it sounds good now, but who's to say that when the baby's here he's going to keep that same energy? "As I've said, I know I haven't handled this whole thing well, at all, but please, please just let me have the opportunity to know my kid."