Why Can't It Be The Two Of Us ( Ryeji )

XXII: I Feel Perfectly Fine

RYUJIN's POV

I've had enough of the pain so on the day before Christmas I decided to finally confront her.

I stepped out of my house and went to hers. Just as she came out, carrying her bags to go back to her hometown for Christmas vacation, I stopped in front of her and she look at me in confusion.

Maybe because after all the days that we lack in communication, I'm finally the one approaching her and showing my self.

"I need to tell you something" I said as she dropped down her bag so I held both of her hands. "If you have noticed, we've changed. We're not the same as before right?".

"Yeah..." she spoke sadly and looked down. "you may have got tired of someone like me" she followed that's why I shook my head even though she can't still see it.

I lifted her face so our eyes could meet and as I scan her face... she's so beautiful as always.

"Why..." she mumbled as we remained staring at each other.

I took a deep breath as I close my eyes. Holding her shoulders so I wouldn't fall back with my weaken knees.

Opening my eyes, I finally spoke.

"I... I like you" I mumbled and anticipated for any shocked or any disapproving reaction but she just smile.

With her smile haven't faltered, my hopes started to rise but then ending up being dumped.

"I don't know what to say..." She looked down for a bit before at me. "Thank you?".

She's unsure for what to respond. If there's a chance for us, undoubtedly she'll say that she feels the same but none...

"Yeah.. just wanted to say that" I spoke again and loosened my hold, letting my hand drop to my side as I step aside. "So ahm... Hope nothing will change. See you next year".

I watched her leave without any words of assurance. Anything that will keep me going from hoping her to be mine.

Then as soon as I opened my eyes, I was welcomed with her smiling face flashed on the screen.

I may have fallen asleep while I'm looking at the pictures I'm currently transferring to my computer.

How I wished I have the courage to approach her when I saw her leaving this morning yet, what I did was hide behind the parked car.

And here I am, chin resting on my palm as I am seated here at my desk. Admiring this pretty, while I trace her features with my finger. The face I used to see as soon as I wake up, not until this feelings got so messed up.

I'm all alone again during special holidays but I still choose to stay here than travel to go and visit my parents.

We just talked last night and my Mom cried again, wishing for me to come but I also hope for them to come here. I don't know but I feel like I won't have anything to go back once I go there.

I'm afraid to forget what I have here when my parents wanted me to stay there so I'll try to keep my words and be where I felt I belong.

For this Christmas, we've all prepared our gifts and I just received mine this morning. Probably she haven't opened her presents and will just do when she came back but... The question is, when she'll come back.

We're still talking but not a lot and I not brave enough to ask for her time and spend the holiday with me.. after all, we're just... Friends.

I really hope I'll be able to overcome this so I could face her again like I used to. The way I could joke around, care and show my love without hurting.