Why Can't It Be The Two Of Us ( Ryeji )

XXXVI: You, More Than Me.

RYUJIN's POV

I came back home as the sun completely hides and choosing not to join the offered family dinner to celebrate.

Even now that she's taken, she never failed to confuse me. Or am I letting her... Or am I just thinking that her actions until now means something?... So is it my fault I'm feeling terrible?.. Is it only me... or is she too?

I sighed and laid on my bed as I remember how am I treating her. How am I behaving the way I didn't expected myself to even be. Does feeling hurt gives me the right to forget what we are back then?... Now I can undoubtedly answer No but everytime I'm around her, talking to her, I can't help myself but to act shitty just to leave, just so I can be alone.

Everytime she's around, I feel cold... Like my heart was numb as it was being ripped open all over again but... As she hold me, it's like the warmest place I can ever be.

Letting out a laugh as I realized how dumb I can be, but I still feel heavy.

Tomorrow would be my day but I prefer to be in here, she may or may not be in her house since her mother was with her, so maybe she's at her hometown by now...

With that, I let myself fall asleep to ease this mind invaded with everything that's about her.

Woking up from a sleep that wasn't peaceful at all, I checked my phone and saw a lot of greeting messages from my friends and family... But not her.

I'm not affected by it, after what I've told her yesterday, what do I expect? I hurt her obviously and she may avoid me from now on, so it'll be easier for me to forget about this feelings and if I moved on... I don't know what'll happen next.

Will I act like nothing happened at all and be friendly with her or continue to ignore her, but I don't want to think about how she'll take it if I approached her again.

Shrugging off these thoughts, I went down and prepared my breakfast, while I was eating, Mom called and greeted me a happy birthday again, also from my father who didn't showed up again, then she checked how I was doing for the day and I told her I plan to stay inside, not really into celebrating but she's against with my idea and told me to go out and have fun at least.

After the call, I went upstairs and dress myself to more suitable for unwinding outside. Maybe this could help me other than rotting in this space. But still don't have anywhere to go..

I didn't brought my motor keys with me as I thought of walking around the city. And with that in mind, I twist the knob to go out when someone blocked my way.

Here she is... Crouching and placing down a box of cake on the ground near my front door.

I stood still and watch how she froze for a moment after staring at my feet, hands are trembling as she holds the box still. I watch as she rose and stand up, extending her arms for me to accept the cake.

"Happy- Happy Birthday... Sorry, this is all I can do..." I stared at her for a minute while she's not looking at me but I averted my eyes as soon as she look. Now that I don't know where to lay my eyes on, I fixed my gaze on the cake but... Her hands caught my attention.

There are marks of burn that was failed to be covered by the uneven applied cream.

"Accept it and I.. I'll go now. Please?" I met her eyes as she pleads and I hate myself for being moved with those eyes.

I'm hating myself because I don't like her being in a uncomfortable situation and now she is while facing me... I'm making her uncomfortable.

But she wash those expression off with a smile that just clenched my heart more.