Cryptic Words and Hidden Letters

003

:: June 01, 2022
:: Table of lessons

Hallucination,

A red that runs through the veins of the same girl as I am seeing in front of that reflection, is the blood of bruises from the chains of torture that deeply carved into her skin—remained as scars of unwanted identity. Blames turned into slaps, as they perfectly marked several imperfections through a soul of her life that was almost wasted on a bed sheet.

Believing that I am up to every good things while growing up, disappointment swallowed me in as it turned out to be the opposite. Embracing the idiocy of childhood days trying to bring out every little drop of creative juices and morality, I shrugged off the reality as lies are more bearable than truths. While lurking at the grounds of pressure every single day, rules and obedience became the bars—without knowing that a one step out of a comfort zone could be a freedom from something, or maybe another pain.

Paradise was the thought, but a living hell became the definition. Like a chameleon adapting to changes and colors, feigning became their law. They molded a figure that they could destroy too; took all the patience inside, so only pity will remain. An art made of a fucked up tradition and perception.

With open doors, deceiving eyes and smiles appeared. With soft kisses on the forehead, false hopes were mouthed. Emptiness joined the cage, as they decided what kind of a lonely life I deserved. Always telling me how to be a good girl when you never told yourself to be a man, at least.

Afraid of getting scolded, a silent ghost of anguish passed by the room with tears touching the edge of the table. Playing dumb with a heavy chest, speaking with a trembling voice, I thought of how much love I have for you no matter how hard my anger is. I even thought of apologizing for not turning into a woman you wanted me to be since the very beginning, but I am done from all the blames.

I would like to remind you that you are perfectly looking at your own reflection—a replica of what you made on that bed of sins.

:: Maya