𝗜𝗡𝗦𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗔𝗕𝗟𝗘 [𝘼𝙥𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙭𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧]

CHAPTER 19

"Is something troubling you?" Apollo asked, his golden hues carefully analysing the visage of the e/c woman. He cursed himself internally for being concern over her well being. For making time to frequent her just because he saw her troubled look under the starry night. He had tried to calm his heart and tricked his mind into thinking everything was fine and he did not need to be there for her. But at last, it was in vain as he found himself in front of her door at the first sign of day break.

"Apollo." Her eyes trailed up to her. Her e/c beautifully portrayed the worry she harboured in her heart. Eyes are really the window of one's soul like the sayings. "I have been lately concerned about your brother." She responded truthfully. "I know it's not my place to meddle in his personal life but he seemed so troubled these days..." Her brows creased slightly as her mind pictured his troubled countenance. "I can't help but worry."

She paused for a moment. "Is there something that's being troubling him?" She inquired staring into the pools of his golden hues. The sun god remained silent for a while.

'So she had been simply worried over Hermes.' He mused, his eyes still locked with hers. His eyes dilated and he felt a tiny tug in his heart. He pulled his gaze away from hers and nodded his head in acknowledgement.

"You do not need to worry. Her— he is fine." He answered, he pulled up his hand to held hers to comfort her but stopped when his hand was just about to touch hers.

He retracted his hand. He did not wish to touch her without her consent and upset her. He pulled his hand back to his side and offered a small smile to comfort her instead. "He is fine. I will ask him myself if he is well and let you know, if it would put you at ease."

Her eyes brightened up and a relief look spread in her face like a wave of warmth. "I would greatly appreciate that. Thank you so much."

Apollo smiled in return, his smile almost failing to reach his eyes. He felt a mixture of emotions. Joy to see her relieved and rid of her care yet his heart tugged with a slight pain. "It's my pleasure, y/n."

He wondered how strong her bond was with his half brother that his well being would troubled her so much. They had been acquaintances way before he stepped in to make a place for himself, though he was the first to see her, the first to talk to her yet it was his brother who build a friendship with her first — though it was all based on the foundation of lies.

As the evening drew closer to an end, he bid her farewell and set out for Olympus.

He headed straight to Hermes' palace once he reached Olympus. It had been a while since he last visited his half brother's abode. He walked in as the guards opened the door for him upon noticing his presence with a bow. He looked around the hall, his golden hues searching for the teal eyed man. He turned to one of the servants. "Where is Hermes?"

"He is in his chamber." The servant answered, her head hang low, not daring to meet the eyes of the god who stood in front of her in all his glory and majesty.

"Alright." He turned to the stairs and manoeuvred his way to his brother's chamber. He knew the palace by the back of his hand. Thanks to the countless times he had frequented it for centuries on end whether it be for merriment, parties or to discuss some important issues.

The stench of alcohol hit him as soon as he stepped foot on the quarter. Rows of empty liquor bottle laid on the floor. Amidst the strong stench and mess, Hermes sat on the carpeted floor, his head resting against the bed. His eyes were bloodshot like he had not slept for days on end but most of all it wept an ocean without a single tear.

"Hermes." Apollo called out his name finally, getting over the scene before him. It was a surprise to witness his brother in such a pathetic condition. As long as he knew Hermes, he was not the likes to draw himself in such a state. He was full of pride to stoop this low like all the gods in Olympus.

His eyes trailed to where the sun god stood. "Apollo..." his eyes teared up still under the influence of the countless amount of liquor he had downed. "I am in so much pain... did you meet her? Did she ask of me?" He began to ramble on but stopped for his visage to drawn in a look of sheer guilt and fear. "I am scared." He looked up at Apollo, his hues begging him to do something to ease the pain in his heart, to lighten the guilt he harboured. Nightmares of the e/c woman haunted him day and night, driving him insane.

He never knew loving someone could hurt this much. His previous love were never painful. He felt pain but it was pale in comparison to the pain in his chest he carried now. It even felt like a bluff to call the pain he felt on losing his previous lovers as such now.

Why was loving her so painful? Was it because he lied to her? But all his previous relations with the mortals had been based on the same foundation of lies. He had never revealed his true identity to them. So then, why did it hurt so much? why did his heart felt like it was ripping apart? Why did it felt so heavy? Why was he drowning in an ocean of guilt?

Was it because he had never loved someone enough like her to allow her to pain him?

"What is wrong? Is something bothering you?" Apollo crouched down beside him to check his well being. A small flicker of concern in his pools of golden hues. "Y/n has been concerned about you. She said you looked troubled when she last met you."

Hermes lips cracked in a sad smile. His eyes dilated and a single tear slide down his cheeks, tears which he refused to shed. He felt so pitiful of himself, of the state he was in. He gulped down the lump on his throat. "Did she? Did she really ask about me?" His eyes grew dull. "But she will leave me like in the nightmares... I've lied to her all these time." He confessed, not even waiting to let his brother respond to his previous query.

He could no longer carry the burden alone.

He wanted someone to pour out the troubles of his heart. And tonight seemed like the right time when he was under the heavy influence of the liquor.

"And it scares me to dead." He uttered out, staring away at the walls. His mind lost in her memories. He turned to Apollo. "I never knew loving someone would hurt so much..."