A Billie Eilish Fanfic - Forced 2 - Insane.

Dr. Dove.

I just knew Cleo wasn't going to show up. I had a bad feeling that morning when I woke up. Olivia told me to calm down but even her trying to calm me didn't work. I was a wreck. My finger skin was all peeled back from me picking and I couldn't focus in therapy.

"Billie? It's your turn. How about you tell me what's distracting you so much today?" Dr. Dove asked in the group therapy session. Olivia sat beside me today and squeezed my hand giving me an all-knowing look.

"I'm just afraid my visitor today won't show up. And I really would feel so much better even if I just saw them for a minute...so I'm just anxious. That's it. Sorry I'll try to focus," I stammered a vague description of what was happening inside my head.

Dr. Dove took a hint and didn't push it.

"Okay Billie, I hope all goes well for you. Try not to dwell on it before it even happens okay?" I nodded.

After therapy Dr. Dove pulled me aside alone.

"Is Cleo coming to visit?" She asked.

I had never said Cleo's name..but I was property of the state. Everyone knew who I had almost killed.

"Yes. I hope so."

Dr. Dove scrunched her eyebrows together with concern,

"Are you sure that's a good idea? You just now started therapy," she saw me start to turn away from her and changed her tone to a soft one, "Billie please? I'm trying to help you. I know you love her. I know it," I turned back towards her. So she did get it.

Dr. Dove continued, "May I suggest something?"

"I'm open to suggestions," I responded.

"Write her a letter apologizing. Sometimes it's easier to write beforehand than talk it out in person when you're under all that pressure, and then she can keep it and read it when she questions anything later."

That was actually a great idea. I hugged Dr. Dove, she seemed surprised but hugged me back.

"Thank you for caring about fuck ups like me," I said to her, she gave me a half smile.

"Language Billie. And none of you are fuck ups in my eyes."

And I knew she meant what she said.

I hurried back to my room and began writing a letter to Cleo with Olivia's assistance, then glanced at the clock and headed to the visitation area. If she didn't show I would be broken.