A Billie Eilish Fanfic - Forced 2 - Insane.

The Visit.

I finally had the letter completed. I sat at the sterile looking metal visitation table waiting on Cleo. I was 10 minutes early but I couldn't wait any longer. I had been pacing until now. I continued to rip the part of my nail beds that remained, which wasn't much.

Then I saw her. She had seen me first. She was staring but I couldn't tell if it was a good kind of stare. She was hard to read sometimes. I loved that about her.

She approached me slowly after showing the guard her ID. She wore a dress that went to her knees with sunflowers on it, her hair was done, make up done, wedge heels on with a chanel purse. She had tried to look good for me. My heart felt warm for the first time in a long time. She cared about my opinion. Or was I reading into this too much?

"Hey stranger," she greeted me with a forced smile.

"Cleo - I missed you. I missed you so much Cleo," I responded, I was already tearing up.

She reached out and grabbed my hand, giving me a reassuring look,

"Hey it's okay. I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere anymore."

We had a long conversation. She had decided that we were meant to be together. Of course we were. Who else could we be with?

"Do you really think they'll make you stay here all 5 years?" She asked.

I wasn't sure. No one was, I know it depended on how much I "improved" per therapy...or how much I convinced them I improved.

"I don't know C... you'll wait for me won't you?" I asked.

She nodded and bit her bottom lip before glancing around us and lowering her voice,

"I just...I miss what you used to do to me, ya know? I think about it all the time. I tried it with Noah. It's not the same. It will never be the same with anyone else," she sighed and shrugged her shoulders, "it just proved that I was in love with you this whole time."

Did she really fuck Noah? Noah? Like she had anything on me. I felt my face get red. I tried to take some deep breaths but I felt myself clench the edge of the table until my knuckles turned white, when I glanced up from my knuckles I saw a scared Cleo. A Cleo that was afraid of me. I was something I couldn't protect her from. She deserved better and I knew it. I always have known it.

"I'm sorry Bil... I didn't think we would ever be together again. I was lonely you know?"

Lonely? She didn't know lonely until she had been taken to court by the only person that mattered to her and thrown into a psych facility. That was fucking loneliness. I was fucked up, I was kind of a hoe...but until now Cleo had always been pure. I was the only one for her, no one else got to experience her the way I did. Except mother fucking Noah.

I still hadn't responded to Cleo. I was breathing deeply, avoiding eye contact, trying not to lose my shit.

"Cleo I think you should leave."

"But Bil- I miss you...please just talk it out with me?" She begged, she reached her hand on top of mine and started to stroke it softly. I used to love that but now all I could think about was her stroking Noah's hand like this. And it pissed me the fuck off.

I smacked her hand away and pointed to the exit,

"LEAVE. Take this dumbass letter with you. I thought you were different."

I threw the letter at her and she picked it up as she sobbed and exited the visiting area slowly. We had caused a scene. The guards were all scowling at me. I hadn't moved from the table. I cradled my head in my hand. I needed a minute....

And now I was lonely.