CHAPTER 27 : AMMI'S DAIRY AND NOTIFICATION.

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A/N: hey reader's. Sorry for the early note. But I am writing more of armaan's and dua's pov. Cause I want to let you guys know how exactly they are feeling write now. Go ahead and read.

ARMAAN'S POV:

What you did was nothing wrong. You did what you should have. But I am afraid that things won't be same...

If you would have told me about this before I would have understood but when you said and what you said. Nothing was appropriate...

Dua's words were echoing in my ears. Really. If I am not wrong and what I did nothing is wrong then why is she punishing me.

Pushing me away. Pushing us away. Why would things not be same back.
Armaan it's all your fault you shouldn't had said that you like someone. My inner voice mocked me.

"You talked about it like you were in deeply love with her. While the lady sitting in front of you is your wife. And on the first day itself you confess feeling for someone else in front of her."

Sue me. 'For what' my inner subconscious asked to me. For loving someone. For confessing it to dua. Like it's my fault that I felt for someone.

'What you are not. You still think about her right' asked my consciousness again.
I still think about her. She will always be in trace in my memories.

I wish that day would never occurred in my life. It's like I don't get it. People always say very lucky people get there first love. Guess I'm not that lucky.

But dua she's my wife now. 'Seems like she doesn't know about it. Does she?' A voice in my head said. I don't care about it. I think I must give her some time.

Yes sometime. It's not her fault that she's acting like that tough. It's all my fault. Imagining myself in her situation I would have gone worse.

Dua had left her so called family. Her not so caring father. She must be looking forward for this. I walked around her such a confidence that she deserves better and here I... I rubbed my eyes with my fingers.

But I have to make up for my mistakes.
What ever happened on engagement was none of dua's fault. She actually deserves the best. That day after she agreed on this relationship. When I looked in her deep eyes. Somewhere with in I promised myself I'll keep her mine. I'll keep her safe. I'll keep her happy. And I am gonna fulfill this promise I made to myself. I'll try my best to forget about my past love. I'll try to love her. Like she wants me to.

The way this morning dua was eyeing me. I knew exactly what her intentions were. I wish I effected you. Someday you will open up your eyes. You will realize we are something.

And that dream. Yes that dream it has to be true. And that boy.

I hope the dream comes true soon. If not then I'll make it. You can't stay much away from dua. Ya Allah. Please show me the way. Please.

Dua you badly effect me. So much. I can't believe what you do to me dua. I so badly want to touch her brown long lock of hair to see how soft they actually are. If I could just for once.

Her eyes are attractive as gravity. Making me fall for her. It's so hard not to look in them. Her face is just perfectly beautiful. Nothing can be compared to it. Uff. To just turn me on dua. I groaned inwardly.

A notification popped up on the desktop screen. Come armaan get your self together. We have work to do. Let's have the coffee first.


DUA'S POV:

I was tossing and turning on my bed. Why can't I sleep. Why. Just give me a break life. I hate my life I hated myself. I hated him. I hate whole world.

I know I was wrong. I messed up. I am sorry. I said it because I was angry and furious.

Seriously. Angry and furious my foot. And that to for what.

Mr. Armaan Rizvi. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes you did all wrong. All wrong. Everything you did was wrong. You. I hate you so much. More then I can hate anything anything.

Allah why you have to do this. Always. Why me Allah. Why can't everything be alright for sometime. For real. I wish ammi was with me. I wouldn't had hesitated to go back home the next second armaan's confession. But I know baba wouldn't have let me in. I know that for sure.

I cried for a while. Remmber how happy I was looking forward for this new relationship. New life. How armaan and I used to hate yet still liked to have each other's company. And now armaan. You hurt me right here. In my heart. Now that I look back was it only me who liked them. Were you pretending. Faking. Or....

No. Dua. Stop.

I got up from the bed. On the lights and searched for the blue leather book.

My ammi's dairy.

It was exactly where it should have been. I took the blue color dairy out in my hand. I sat on my bed. It's one of the last belongings of ammi that I have. Her dairy.

She wrote it for me when she was fighting with her cancer. I was might be six years old or something. Each time I read it I hated everything. I remember bua giving it to me on thirteenth birthday. It was the best ever gift I ever received. Ammi talked to me through this.

Once ayesha found out and feed it to her friends dog. I took lots of effort to get it. Since the dog wasn't interested in it much.

Ammi today I am in some of the same situation that you were in. I am his wife but he likes someone. Just like baba did. I don't want to get attached to him. Cause I know when he'll find her. He will leave me like baba did to you because of ayesha's mother.

I flipped the pages of the dairy until I found the specific one.

We were happy family. I was happy I had you my princess with me. Though your baba ignored us sometimes but I was sure it was because of his work. But I was wrong.

It was that day when your baba were at home. I still remember it clearly he wasn't in a good mood. you were five years only. When a lady along with a small baby knocked on my door. It was her hausna with a baby in her hands. I know you don't have to know all this but I don't want to leave you knowing nothing behind.

I locked myself in the room I was so hurt so upset. Though your baba wasn't a good husband but I always liked him. I was so hurt that I wanted to end my life. I was so ready for it. But you knocked on the door. You were crying. And then I decided that I can't just end everything. I had you. And you were the only reason for me to live. To stay alive. So I packed my stuff and left along with you.

I went to your grandfather's house but they turned me from the door itself. But your mamu. Hassan he helped me without letting anyone one know.

I run my fingers over the words again and again. I am sorry ammi. Seems like History is repeating itself again. But I am weak ammi. You at least had me for your hope but I have no one beside me. What can I do. Allah please help me out. I am clueless Allah.

I hated this. I can't stop feeling for him. The feeling. It's frustrating. In the morning when he came with the messy morning hair. I just felt moving my fingers in them and feel how soft they could be.

I wondered why I never noticed his perfect body. I bet he has six packs. His muscles were with just perfect. His broad chest and his shoulders. It made me just stare at him. I couldn't stop myself. You know. I just can't.

I was shamelessly checking him out. I touched my cheeks with my hands. They were hot just as I thought they would be. Get out of my head armaan. Get out.

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~26APRIL2020

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