Entry #22

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'Kay, good news! I got my last exam up. Damn, maybe after that my mind'll be clearer and maybe not all that mucked up... Apparently September is a bit safer Ig, so guess I'll be ok. And also, I'm having a new research partner from next week, so guess I'll be more productive :D

Well you guys know any entry of mine could be last here

Not that it damn matters anyway

I'm awfully close to being found

And I'm still risking it to be here

If this thing is found then I probably won't even see this site ever again

Why am I still here?

Because... I can't stop. I just can't.

They planted this seed in me...

... Knowing I'd take care of it well.

Id nurture it into a tree. A friggin parasite that would rebound upon me.

Drawing me deep. Pulling me inside. Ensuring I never came out.

I'm sorry if this feels cryptic, but it's the only way I can.

Everytime I try to stop, something happens. Something so bizarre that I have to get back in. So bizarre that it couldn't be a coincidence.

It's a fucking game they play that I'm not part of, and yet again, I am.

They're getting everything dear to me, I can feel it even though it isn't exactly the most immediate. Something is there, messing with me, making me do horrible things. Shit that I wouldn't have ever even dreamt of.

Like, when I find myself passed out in my chair, bloody gashes on my leg and a blade stained with blood on the table, how do I ever explain what happened to my parents and me? To my parents, I hide the blade and say that it's just a scratch, doesn't hurt that much.

Thing is, I don't remember ever doing that. Cutting myself? Alright. But so deep as to bleed profusely? I still don't like how blood looks.

I then find my conversations on Quotev -- with Andi and Jaylen -- that I'd had when I was apparently "self harming".

By the looks of the conversation, I had to pretty scared when I did all that. Im pretty scared even now.

I. Don't. Freaken. Remember. When. I'd even talked with Jaylen.

Nothing. Nada. A complete blank. Like I'd fallen asleep.

It's getting really weird now. I don't think that I should just be ignoring everything.

My thoughts feel all messed up, I can't type properly here and sending pictures of my diary seems too cumbersome.

Besides, someone's always watching. Always watching, just can't see him.

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