Loathing Logan

Chicago

Ashley

We boarded the elevator in silence. I clung to mom's waist, unwilling to part away from her. I wanted to stay strong, but the strain in my throat was far too much for me to bear. I cried like a five-year-old through our ride down that elevator.

No one said anything. They simply allowed me to cry my eyes out until I could no more. Logan held his head up towards the heavens with his eyes closed and hands behind him, holding on to the rail.

Derreck, though he didn't say much, was giving us a look that let us know things would be ok. I wanted to believe that way too, but I was very uncertain at this point.

Derreck sighed and ruffled my hair, "Hey Ash?" I turned my head up to see him, I sniffled and cleaned my years with the back of my hand.

He reached in the inside pocket of his jacket, retrieving a handkerchief. He ducts down a little, cleaning my face softly.

"No more crying, ok? Look, our flight isn't until tomorrow morning, what do you say we go sightseeing? I hear there's a cool fair going on in Hammond?"

And so, we did just that. Derreck took us to go see different places, we ate a whole bunch of food in the street, including some of the famous Chicago hot dogs, which I liked, but Logan hated. He wasn't very fond of the relish and pickles combo. In the end, he ended up scrapping everything off and eating it plain.

By nightfall, we ended at a fair in Hammond, Indiana, just a half-hour drive from where our hotel was.

It was complicated the least to say. The fair is supposed to bring joy to people, but the event from this morning was too fresh of a wound in my heart.

We sat at a bench eating funnel cakes and hot cocoa. Logan kept himself glued to his phone. My guess, he was texting either Steven or Sophie. I wish I could do the same and be able to talk to my friends right now. But I didn't want their pity.

My eye averted to a little girl standing in a line with her mom. She looked so happy holding her mom's hand. But my heart bled when I saw her dad surprise her from behind with a candied apple. Her little eyes grew wide like saucers before she leaped into his arms.

I couldn't hold it, my eyes began to water again. The knot in my throat grew intensely bigger, and before I knew it, I began crying again. Mom wanted to console me, but Logan pulled me into his arms and hugged me real tight. That's when I realized, for the last two years, Logan had been more of a dad to me than my own daddy.

I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his shirt. He held me tight, allowing me to let g of all my emotions.

"I miss him, Logan. Even if he doesn't look be us anymore, I still love daddy. I miss him so much." My voice quivered, and my bottom lip trembled uncontrollably.

"I know squirt. I know. And it's ok for you to feel this way. I just want you to know I'm here for you, ok? I'll never leave you bugger. You will always have your by bro around, I promise." He kisses the top of my head making me chuckle a bit through my cries.

"You're the best brother in the world, Logan. What am I going to do when you go to college? Or when you marry Sophie? Will you forget all about me too? Then I'll really be all alone." I let go of him to tell these words and closed my eyes, hanging my head. My tears ran down freely.

He cupped my cheeks with his hands and pulled my head to see him. "Hey, don't say that. I'll never forget about you, Ash. You're my little sister. Besides, Sophie would never let me forget about coming to see you. She loves you too." I smiled weakly and placed my head on his chest.

"You promise?" I asked.

"Always! I will never leave you, Ash." He whispered, kissing the top of my head.

"Come on," he pulls me up, grabbing my hand.

"What? Where are we going?" I asked concerned?

"Let's go ride the Ferris wheel." He said with a smile and pulled me towards it.

I smiled weakly and followed his lead. We waited for a little while before we boarded. I clung to his arm like a little girl, though we wore big jackets because of the cold weather, my nose was still red and I was still a little cold. He took off his black beanie and placed it on my head, cupping my cheeks and smiling.

"There, is that a little better?" He asked with a smile. "Much better. Thanks, Logan."

"You're welcome, bugger." He winked his eye, ruffling my hair and pulling me under his arm.

"You know I'm still going to tease you when we go back home right? I mean, it's my duty as your older brother after all. Who else will give you a hard time?" He said making me chuckle.

"You ass! I'm going to tell Sophie how much of a softy she's turning you into."

"Don't you dare! And I am not a softy. I'm still the tough hard-ass I have always been." He corrects me, wrinkling his face and taunting me.

This is exactly what I needed. Time with my big brother. It was all I really needed to feel the security of it all. He always knew what to say to me every time I felt down and sad. This is when I knew, that no matter how hard things ahead would get, I could always count on him. He would always be there for me.

It must have been around ten when we finally drove back to the hotel rooms. I must have fallen asleep on the way back, I didn't notice when we arrived back at the hotel.

All I remember is Logan carrying me up to the room, and carefully placing me on the bed. My eyes felt too heavy to remember anything after. I only recall him and mom whispering with Derreck. Logan hugged mom, and both he and Derreck left the room.

I allowed myself to rest. Though my heart was still overtaken by the sadness of feeling I had lost my dad, I was glad I had a great family of three-plus. I wasn't sure how this Thanksgiving was going to be, but I do know one thing, I was thankful I had the best brother in the world.

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