Desiring You

Chapter 30

Miley

I was woken up by Aiden for our meditation and excercise. After the meditation, we excercised in his backyard after his persuasion of taking me outside failed.
Taking a shower, I was in fresh clothes along with a fresh mood.

Stepping outside, I was about to hit my head on Aiden's naked chest but stopped at a safe distance from him.

"Hey, looking beautiful as usual, huh?" He said. I looked at his eyes and felt the same foreign feelings I felt when he looked at me with those inscrutable emotions. There was something with the way he looked at me that made me run to the hills but at the same time stay at the same place and bury myself.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, feeling a pinch of irritation for his obliviousness to my feelings right now.

"I need to borrow your body wash, mine is as empty as my brain and I can't find another one under the sink" he said making his way in my room.

(A/n : I read it brain wash -_-)

Coming out he thanked me for it and left. Looking at his walking figure, I just realised that he was naked and only had a towel around his hips.

Going back to my room, I fell on my bed, my cheek pressing against the pillow I closed my eyes. Lying in the silence, I turned around my back. My eyes stopped on the white ceiling and I looked at every spot to find something unusual but it was perfect. A perfect white ceiling... White! Once I had a white wall too.

I remembered when I was seven, I cried and nagged whole day to dad about the colour of the walls in my room. It was the same colour, white. But I didn't like it. All my friends had their walls painted pink but mine was white which angered me. I used to hear them talking about the pink walls and how they felt like a princess while I used to silently listen to their conversation feeling abandoned. The passivity annoyed me and I decided to ask dad to change the colour of the walls. He refused for some reason I couldn't remember but I remembered myself crying and nagging until he looked at my crying face and accepted with a sigh.

For some unknown reason I remembered the emotions he showed me that day. For all those years I thought, those emotions were 'defeat' but now they seemed different. Now they seemed like 'regret', regret of having me in life.

Maybe it all started with the walls, the first time he realised that I was good for nothing. If only I wasn't a brat. If only those time could come back. All I had now was if only...

Every single control I had on my emotions broke and I busted into tears. The memories smoothly slipped into minds filling me with distress.

"Miley" Aiden rushed into the room and embraced me into his body. "What happened?"

I hid myself in him without uttering a word. The room was filled with my sobs and sniffles.

"What happened baby?" He asked running his fingers through my hairs.

I didn't have the confidence to tell him about the memory. I knew he would never understand what I was going through. But I was scared too, I was scared to know if he started hating me after he found out the truth.

After some minutes later when I stopped crying and only the sniffles could be heard, he asked
"want to hear a story?"

Moving himself on the bed so that I was between his legs. His hands landed on my shoulders and he gently moved me back to lean on him. My back was on his stomach and his legs enveloped mine. His fingers massaging my head.

"When I was ten, I got a very cute kitten on my birthday. I named her 'kimchi' because that day I ate kimchi." He laughed, bringing a smile on my face too. But due to our position he was unable to see the smile I had on my face. "I used to play with her, eat with her, sleep with and even bathed with her. I was very protective of her just like a mother. But after some days, I fell sick. My mother took care of me and the cat. I felt infinitely sad when I wasn't able to see her eat or play. That day my mother taught me something" his hands wrapped around my waist and he dropped his head into the curve of my neck.

Normally I would be affected by the position we were in but right now I wanted to know... Know more about him. The curiosity ignited when he didn't speak, forcing me to ask him.

"What did you learn?"

"She taught me to love myself. Love myself enough to take care of me, then only I can take care of my loved ones. I know what you're suffering from is different from my story but the lesson applies to you too. Don't hate yourself, because you don't deserve hate. You have to learn to love yourself. Don't you have a dream? I know you have. What was the reason for attending the college... Because you had a dream. Don't give up. Do your best to walk through this phase. If you'll fall, I'll be the first one to hold you. But please don't hate on yourself."

"You don't know what I did Aiden."

"But I know you would not hurt anyone."

"No, you don't Aiden" I said coming out of his warm embrace. I faced him standing in front of him. How could he trust me so easily when he didn't know anything about me.

"Okay, fine. Calm down Miley" he said standing up to reach me but I stepped back before he could.

"No, Aiden don't tell me to calm down. You don't know anything neither you'll. Don't pretend to be fine because I know you'll hate me after knowing the truth.
Everyone does" I yelled.

Aiden's POV

She sobbed.

I made her cry. I wasn't supposed to but I did.

I wanted to hug her but I had to learn to give her space when she got angry.

"I-I..." The words failed to escape her lips. I got on guard when I realised the shallow breaths she was taking. Her hand clenched in front of her chest.

"Miley?" I led her to the bed, feeling scared. "Breathe deeply... Yes just like that. Listen to me, don't think anything okay."

I cupped her cheeks and forced her to look at me.

"Breathe."

Seeing her taking another breath, her hand dropped from her chest. Doing so for some minutes, she finally relaxed.

"Here do this" I started clenching and loosening my fist. She looked down and started doing the same.

"Okay?"

Nodding her head, she wiped another tear that fell from her eye.

"Can I hug you?" I asked.

My heart ached when she shook her head.

"Want me to leave the room?"

Sending another ache, she nodded.

I unwillingly stood up and left.

*

Knocking again I waited for her to open the door but she didn't. Opening the door,I looked inside seeing her sitting on the bed.

"Miley?"

She turned her head to me just to tell me that she was listening. But her eyes held no emotions just like her face.

"Please help me with some chores" I faked beg.

Standing up,she made her way to me bringing a smile on my face.

Before we could leave the room, I hugged her. I stole the hug from her which I was craving for hours.

"I'm glad you're fine. Want to talk to me?"

I saw her thinking but eventually shaking her head.

It was okay Aiden, all you had to do was try harder. She would definitely give in one day.