Inhaled - Tom Hiddleston

34. Guys... I said cut

After that first day, I somehow manage to keep myself together. It was just that day that I cried it out. Now I can't even cry. I feel empty. Numb. I'm also way too scared to let myself fall apart. I'm scared that if I start to cry again I will never stop. So I haven't even told Ella and Haley. But then again I haven't spent too much time with them either. We have long days on set this week and when I'm home I have a lot of work to do, preparing for an audition that my manager got me, and talking with my manager and publicists about upcoming projects. Of course it's all set during our week off... But actually that's okay. It'll keep me busy, and I won't have too much time to think. I'll have to keep my mind off of it.

The worst part is of course on set. I'm avoiding him as best as I can. Our scenes go alright. Somehow I manage to distance myself when we shoot. Not just our scenes together but also during scenes he's not in. I kind of go so much into being Naomi that I forget about it. Which feels so good. It's kind of an escape actually. Luckily Tom and I have only had scenes where were talking. No touching or kissing or anything like that. I know it wouldn't work if we did.

I'm discreet about avoiding him though, because I don't want anyone to notice. It would make it harder if anyone asked any questions. But I try not to look at him when we're in the same room, because I just... I can't. I also plan ahead so I don't have to be where he is. So I know his schedule and use that to figure out when and where to be. It just doesn't work all the time... But now it's Thursday, so there's only one more day to go.

We're all sitting in the TV-room, and it's quite crowded now. Tom is doing a scene, so I'm safe here for now. At least he's supposed to be doing a scene right now. I'm sitting beside Scott in the sofa and we're all just chatting away. I try to join in as much as I can, so no one notices me acting differently or anything.

Suddenly the door opens.

"Hi Tom, done with your scene yet?" Wrenn smiles up at him.

"Just finished it." He replies.

This is almost the first time since Monday that I've actually looked at him. And now I can't tear my eyes away. He kind of looks more tired than usual, but maybe that's just something I'm making up in my head.

He looks around and his eyes stop at me. Or rather the only empty space, right beside me in the sofa. Fuck.

"Come on, sit down. We were just talking about the premiere." Sienna nods to the seat beside me.

He is frozen in place, eyes going to me. Questioning almost. As if he's asking me if it's okay. I slide myself a little closer to Scott, making more room beside me.

He walks over and sits down beside me. It's tight in the sofa now, and our thighs are pressed together. It feels like a hand has gotten a firm grip around my heart squeezing it. Everything I've tried to keep inside these past days, is at the verge of overflowing me. I have to bite the insides of my cheeks hard. Just to do something. The conversation keeps going but I can't concentrate on anything anymore. I can't even think when Tom leans back, and our arms are pressed together. I try to somehow lean more onto Scott, just to get away from Tom. I notice Haley and Ella both looking at us, and I quickly look away.

"Hahahh, I have a great idea." Tanner laughs. "Why don't you go together to the premiere, Tom and y/n. Prank the media."

His words are punches to my stomach.

"Heheh, well... I don't think people would perceive it as a prank, Tanner." Tom chuckles nervously. But I can hear the sad underlying tone in his voice.

"Would be fun though." Tanner keeps going.

The thought of me and Tom together... At the premiere... Even though that was never in question before, it hurts. I'm pretty sure my face is quite telling, because Haley sends me a questioning look and discreetly nods to Tom. This time I meet her eyes, and shake my head. So faintly that it's almost unnoticeable. Haley get's it though. Her hand flies to her mouth and her eyes widen. Luckily no one is paying attention to her, but this gesture is enough to break me and I feel tears forming in my eyes.