First And Forever (under reconstruction) (Wattys2018)

Epilogue

~9 years later-James POV~
As my family and I walk through the cemetery, I hear the now familiar hitch in my wife's breathing as we approach a certain grave. As we get closer to William's grave, Clarice stops. She untwines our fingers with her green eyes on the ground, shifting our youngest daughter Rogue to her other arm as she looks up and smiles at me sadly. She gently presses something into my palm, her breathing unsure and vulnerable. She slowly turns her back on the grave we're approaching, walking back to the car with a quiver in her gait. She faces me again, tears streaming down her face as she shushes and bounces a restless Rogue.

I look back at the path ahead, 11 year old Willow leaning her head against my shoulder as tears steadily fall down her cheeks from her dark blue eyes. I wrap my arm around her, giving her a gentle squeeze. Her arms wrap tightly around me, squeezing me harder as my family's destination comes into view. Willow never met the man who she mirrors so completely, her whole life she has been told how much she is just like her father, and every time it kills her a little more inside. Coda and Hunter are silent beside their sister, staring at the gravestone of their birth father tearfully. They both look frustrated and sad, their minds struggling to conjure some happy memory of him, some fatherly memory to hold onto. On their faces as their eyes rest on this stone reside identical morose, solemn expressions they both inherited from their mother. My own biological children, my boy girl twins Luca and Lucian, my son Jeremy, my younger boy girl twins Luna and Antinomy, my other boy girl twins Loke and Lissy, and my youngest triplets Seamus (Shay), Summer Rose, and Calla all gaze at the stone as well, gazing at the carved words in the marble that marks the resting place of my wife's first love:
                                                                

                                                                      William Jackson Black,

February 29th 2000 -September 30th 2016

Loving son, brother, father, soulmate, and friend.

              If I had to choose between breathing and loving you, I'd use my last breath to say "I love you."

I reach my hand out to rub the quote at the bottom, a small smile on my face as I ask my children to give me a minute alone. Dispersing, they leave me alone with William's gravestone as they walk back to the car to wait with their mother. I look down at the object Clarice pressed into my hand, and I smile. The object is a small, hand carved wooden soldier, a soldier holding a girl close. I place the soldier down next to the other trinkets, before I smile again, "Hey William, how's life up there in heaven?"

The autumn wind blows my platinum dirty blonde hair around my face, but my eyes stay locked on the marble in front of me, "I can't believe twelve years have already passed, it seems like it was only yesterday we were fighting and arguing over stupid shit." I laugh softly, before I take a deep breath and delve into a deeper topic, "Clarice is doing well, but...she still can't stand to see or be near your grave. She still gets nightmares replaying your death every now and then and my back can verify that from her claws. She can't stand for anyone but me and Lissy to call her Clair, hell she can hardly stand me calling her Clarice. She...she can't stand for me to call her Baby at all. I never even tried to call her that, she's your Baby, not mine. She's my Baby Girl, my Clarice, and my Darling. I know she loves me so very much, but she will always love you more. What you two had was something most people never find, you two had a soulmate bond of true love found so young and ripped away too soon. You were her first everything, her first love. No matter how many years pass, she'll always remember you, you'll always hold the place in her heart as the most loved. I may be her Stars in the darkness of her life, but you're her Soldier in the midst of the battle that goes on within her own mind." I take a deep breath, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes as things I've wanted to say to him for years unintentionally come pouring out of my mouth,

"Your children will remember you, William. There's not a day that goes by where we don't tell the twins and Willow about you. They know I'm not their father, but they still call me dad. They're my children, and they carry my last name. I know they shouldn't, that they should be Coda Hunter and Willow Black to remember you, but sometimes things change. In the years I helped Clarice raise them after your death, in a time it was a struggle to keep her from letting the dark waters of depression consume her into ending her life, they became mine. Both Clarice and your children became a permanent place in my heart. I know that's incredibly selfish of me, claiming your girl and children as my own the way I did, but your kids needed a father and Clarice needed an anchor. I grew up without a loving father, and I'm a screw up. I'll be damned if I let that happen to your kids, our kids. I'm going to be there for them no matter what. I know I can never replace you, and I'll never try, I promise you. You're Coda, Hunter, and Willow's father and you always will be, but...I'm their dad. I never meant to take your place, hell I never meant to fall in love with your girl, but it happened. In the depth of the storms of her grief, I moved her clouds and became her light. I gave her motivation and reasons to live, I became her stars. We fell in love in the depth of our emotional darkness and turmoil, catching us both by surprise. From the darkness of our shared grief bloomed the light of stars and the moon across both of our worlds. She's my moon, my reason to live. Clarice and I, we were never supposed to fall in love, we never would've met if it weren't for Jazz. She'll always be yours, but she's also mine. I-I hope you're okay with that. I know you never liked me or trusted me that much after what I did to both you and Clarice, but I love your girl and children. Clarice trusts me now, please trust that I'll love them all and keep them safe no matter what for the rest of my life."

Tears are running down my face in torrents, my heart finally getting rid of the heavy weight that's been present since the first time Coda called me dad. I hear a quiet chuckle behind me, a laugh I know. I turn around, searching for the source of that familiar chuckle. When I turn around, I see. I see a person with short, messy sandy brown hair, and a sporty physique at 6'2. The person is too far away for me to see specifics, but when he turns around, I catch my breath. I can't see much, but I swear I see the face of a 16 year old boy with the familiar pair of dark blue eyes William always possessed. My mouth drops open, I can't look away. With a crooked grin, the figure pounds his fist against his chest twice, before he turns and lopes quickly and gracefully into the trees. "You will always be their father, but I'm their dad." My own words echo back to me on the wind, William's answer travelling to me as I see the shape of a boy permanently frozen at 16 flying back to his place, flying back to heaven. I raise my hand, following the figure's ascent with my eyes as the heavens open up to welcome him back. And as that slice of heaven closes, the rains begin. Rain pours down on my face and clothing, but I don't feel the cold. I only feel warmth and the gift that my life is the way it is. In that moment, standing in the pouring rain of the open heavens, I smile. And when I hear the soft sound of my wife's pattering feet in the rain, my smile widens. I pull her gently into my arms, resting my hands on her rounded tummy as heaven's light shines a revelation on me. I know from this moment and beyond that Clarice and I are always going be okay, that we'll be together until death does us part and beyond. And as I look down into those perfect emeralds Clarice calls her eyes, and feel the kick of our baby against my fingers, my life is finally at peace. You were her first William, but I'm her forever.

The End.