Fading Out (COMPLETED)

Chapter one

The night is dark, once again starless and the smoke rises around me in thick clouds. Inside my mind this where I can hide, no one can see me, which means no one is currently disappointed with me.

Work was long and exhausting, I stretch out my long legs and wriggle my toes trying to dry them after nine hours of beer soaked socks, the fresh air feels cold but good.
I discovered my hiding spot a few months ago when a very annoying baby bird squawked night and day for a mother that wasn't coming back.

Yeah been there.

I climbed out my bedroom window early one morning to throw the stupid nest off the fucking roof, some people actually like to sleep. It quieted when I came out and I found myself sitting down out here, just talking to the fucking thing. The dawn was so pretty and up here I feel removed from the world, I've been coming out every night since.

Spending the few hours between work and dawn getting high and to be honest I think I like it so much because it takes me further away from her.
If I close the window behind me I can't hear the feminine giggles and cries of pleasure by brother brings out in my woman.

Of course I'm all alone up here now, that fucking bird died the next day. Maybe I should have tried to feed it or some shit.

I take a large hit of my joint, watching the way the red ember lights up the darkness around me for that brief moment of inhalation. Then right on cue I'm surrounded by my thick cloud of solitude as I exhale, it's as predictable as the dawn.
Smoking never lets me down, it never changes its mind and says, sorry Cole I just don't feel for you what I feel for him, I'm going to get high with your brother instead.

No, this weed belongs to me.

I smoke till my fingers burn then toss the stub into my empty beer bottle, mind satisfactory faded I put my hands behind my head laying back and imagine the stars are somewhere with better company, somewhere with a better view. Who would want to look down on a fuck up like me anyway.

My thoughts are broken by the sound of quiet but urgent tapping on my bedroom door, with a heavy sigh I go to answer it. If they are wasted and hungry I'm gonna be pissed, can't the big idiot learn to cook already? Look after the so called love of his life? I love Coop but seriously how hard is it to fry up some fucking bacon and put some bread in the fucking toaster.
"What?!" I automatically snap as I fling the door open. "Izzy? What's wrong gorgeous?" I instantly amend myself when I see her worried face and wet eyes.
"You" she whispers and I stand aside as she passes into my room without an invitation.
I like her in here, it reminds me that everything in here used to be hers. Even the pillows on the bed belonged to her and every now and then I can smell her shampoo or perfume while I sleep.
"What's wrong with me?" I frown. "Did the neighbours complain about the smell again? It was one fucking joint" I sigh.
"No Bug" she shakes her head and turns as I follow her putting us close, dangerously close.
"Iz?" I whisper
"Cole, I ah.... I. Fuck" she stammers looking at my mouth.
My mind is fuzzy and my heart picks up pace, how can she look at me like this? I look to her wedding ring on her finger, the emerald reminding me of my brothers cold hard stare of disappointment.
Iz places her hand on my cheek lifting my gaze back to her face and she whimpers just a little at the contact.
"Iz" I whisper again but not in question, in answer because I know what she needs.
I close the distance and kiss her soft lips, they taste like I remember. Her hands move to my hair as she reaches up on tippy toes to return the kiss, opening her lips when my tongue flicks over them.
Her feet step forward pushing mine back and we hit the bed, she doesn't stop till she's in my lap. I moan at the feel of her, my hands reaching for the warm skin under my brothers oversized tee shirt.
"Cole" she begs and I take it off, fuck no panties.
Her body is perfection, toned and tight. Her body carries my brothers brand, his name permanently etched under her left breast. I don't look at it, it makes me sick. Sick with myself that I would do this to him, Cooper would never do this to me.
I look into Izzy's eyes begging, my breath is fast and my hands shake. This is the part where one of us stops this, one of us always backs down.
A tear slides from her eye and I watch it move down her cheek, she shakes her head and kisses me again. Skin on skin she pushes our bare chests together and holds me so tight, she hates that she wants me.
"Fuck" I groan feeling guilty but so turned on despite myself, Izzy's hips move against me "Cooper?" I sound strangled but it doesn't stop me from moving my hands to her ass squeezing and grinding her into my now painful cock.
She nods just once, he knows she is here. He approved this.
With a sob Iz pushes me down unbuckling my jeans and as she does and I moan, my shaking turns to trembling and with jerky movements I take them off.
"Isabel" I whisper, she looks at me like I'm something, someone special.
Our breathing is loud in the silence and I jolt at the feel of her hands on my naked body, we don't speak, words aren't needed right now.
We know this changes everything, we know it changes nothing and still I cover her with my body. Her skin burns mine and nothing has ever felt this good, my hands frame her face and she holds my body to hers. Our foreheads rest together but we don't close our eyes, our open mouths are panting and my breath shudders. Izzy's legs wrap around my waist and without anymore thought of what's right and what's wrong I enter the love of my life, I move slow and push deep stopping when I can't sink any further. Shit she's tight, so fucking wet and so fucking hot, her eyes widen and her moan fills my mouth.
"Cole" she breathes without sound.
"Beautiful" I whisper and start to move in awe of her.
My whole life has leaded me to this moment, to this woman and with a loud moan I lose myself to my woman. I show her how much I love her as tears fall from my face.
"Oh Cole" Iz whimpers crying too and my chest is so tight I can't breathe.