Fading Out (COMPLETED)

Chapter six

"Hmm morning honey" I smile feeling a warmth beside me.
I reach out my hand and roll to hug Iz to my body, I find a hand and hold it.
"If I had my phone right now?" Iz giggles but not from in front of me.
"You want my picture baby? How many pics of me sleeping do you need?" My eyes snap open at the sound of Coop's voice.
He's staring back at me confused and I drop his hand like it's burned me.
"Dude get off me" Coop blanches and pulls his arm from my back.
"Morning Bentleys" Iz smiles at the foot of the bed with her toothbrush hanging out her mouth.
"Morning beautiful, you just get up?" Coop smiles back pushing me over to my side of the bed.
"Uh huh" she nods brushing her teeth.
"Just in time I'd say, Coop would've pinned you between us in his efforts to cop a feel" I slap at his hand and move on my own.
Iz blushes bright red and walks into the bathroom without a word and Coop chuckles.
"Something I said?" I rub my arm then wince as I remember why it's itchy.
"How'd you sleep?" Coop asks rolling to face me but keeping his distance.
"Hmm, heavy. I don't even remember falling asleep. I don't even remember dreaming" I try to remember anything, maybe soft lips but I'm not going to mention that after waking up snuggling my brother.
"That's good right? How do you feel now? Not groggy or unwell?" He asks like he's my doctor.
"I have a slight headache and a dry mouth, otherwise I'm good. Coop I've managed to survive thirty one years without anyone looking after me, you don't need to fuss" I sigh.
"Yeah well for thirty one years you didn't have a brother, now you do. I fuss, get over it" he tells me and climbs from the bed to join his wife in the bathroom.
Izzy squeals and laughs then skips through the door closing it behind her.
"Fuck, let me back in it's freezing" Izzy laughs crawling up the bed.
I hold out the covers and she snuggles back in beside me and she looks so beautiful with her ponytail, clean face and bright eyes, someone else had a good night.
Because of me?
"No regrets about last night?" Iz asks biting her lip.
"Last night? What happened last night?" I look under the covers and I'm still dressed in my tee shirt and boxer shorts.
"Ah... this" Iz laughs at me and holds up my arm inspecting it again.
"Oh right, I thought maybe you took advantage of me in my docile state last night? One can only hope right? No honey no regrets" I smile and wink at her.
"Oh god you were awake?!" Iz pales and covers her face.
"Awake for what?" I laugh pulling her hands away. "What did you do to me Isabel?" I try and sound stern but my laugh gives me away.
"If you don't know I'm not telling you, if you do.... I'm sorry it was totally my fault" Iz tells me no longer laughing.
"Sweetheart he was asleep, just leave it" Coop sighs climbing back into bed behind his wife and wraps his arms around her adoringly with a kiss to the back of the head.
"I just feel so embarrassed, I'm sorry" Iz sighs snuggling back into his body.
"Did I bust you two going at it while I slept or something?" I chuckle at her unease and Iz pulls the covers over her face.
Oh fuck, hit the nail on the head.
"We didn't mean to, it just happened" Coop grins, yeah I would be grinning if this gorgeous piece of ass gave it up for me too.
"Ha, yeah. Rolled the wrong way and ended up balls deep, happens to me all the time" I roll my eyes at him and pull the covers down to see my girls pretty face. "You can come out, it's fine honey. You are allowed to fuck your husband, it's in the rule book and everything" I tease her just a little.
"Sorry, I get a little handsy in my sleep. I talk in my sleep... I seduce in my sleep. Sometimes I take it further, Coop should really tie me down while I sleep" she blushes.
"Don't be embarrassed, it's just me honey. If your moaning woke me up I don't remember, you could have sex on top of me and I don't think I would have stirred last night, those pills work better then a shit ton of weed" I try to placate her with a brush of her hair and a sincere smile.
She holds my hand on her face and bites her lip looking so guilty.
"We made out Cole. My moaning did wake you up, you were still holding my hand and I couldn't roll away from you. Our faces were close together and you kind of kissed me.... Coop had me worked up, kissing gets me over the line.... I kissed you back. I tried to wake you up, you didn't answer. I'm so embarrassed of myself. Cole, Coop made me come while your tongue was in my mouth. I'm so sorry. To both of you" Iz hides her face again while I take that in.
I remember soft lips, I remember moaning. Every night I dream of her, are my memories dreams or not?
"You didn't seem distressed by this at the time, I didn't stop it. It's my fault too" Coop strokes Izzy's hair softly.
"I'm sure I wasn't, if I kissed you Isabel then it's completely my fault. Please look at me?" I peel her fingers away from her face gently. "I apologise for making you feel like this, I won't say I'm sorry, I'm not. I like kissing you, these hooker lips are by far the best to ever kiss me. I'm not a saint Izzy, I'm just a man. But I'm not yours, forgive me for taking what doesn't belong to me. Coop I know a woman's kiss right when you get them off is worth every second of the effort you put in to get them there, I'm sure your wife's are no different. I'm sorry I took that moment from you" I tell him honestly.
"It really is too bad you don't remember brother, you will never be kissed like you do when my baby girl comes. Don't worry about it, Izzy has promised to make it up to me" he smirks and kisses her neck.
"Can we maybe stop talking about me and the way I climax now? This shit is going to send me back to therapy" Iz groans and sits up to rub some ointment into her new tattoo.
"Good, I hope it does. You need it" I grunt and sit up too.
"Gee thanks motherfucker" she gives me a dirty look and throws the tube at me.
"Welcome honey, I don't sugarcoat shit. Your therapist worked for you, she helped you. The nightmares are back and you have been losing weight, you stare blankly at walls without moving. You stare at Beth's belly with tears in your eyes. You did not kill that baby, she did. It was her actions that put her in prison and her actions that got her killed, she had zero regard for her sons life and that is not your fault" I tell her bluntly.
"Cole, don't" Coop tells me almost roughly when Izzy's eyes glass over.
"I know but still the fact remains, I testified, she went to prison, Dash died. Maybe if she was sentenced to an asylum he would still be alive, he avoided his mothers disease, he was healthy. He would've found a family who would have loved him, a family that couldn't have a baby of their own. Now he is dead and that family is still waiting" she sighs.
"Isabel, do you think maybe what you've been feeling has more to do with the fact you can't have a child?" I ask her gently ignoring Coop's wishes.
"Why?" She sobs to me breaking my heart. "Why was it so easy for her? The psycho bitch didn't deserve him, she didn't love him, didn't even want him. Why is it someone like her gets to have that and I don't? What have I done? Not only will I never have that but.. but because of me a child died, Dash is dead because she hated me so much. His blood is on my hands.... what if I'm just not meant to be around babies? What if because of me something happens to the twins? What if because of me Cooper will never be a father, Dash never had his life because of me. What if because of my selfishness you never get to be a father too? Why am I so toxic Cole? What did I do that was so bad?" Everything comes rushing out so fast like the waters behind a floodgate.
She cries into her pillow and Cooper holds her tight.
"Not a thing gorgeous, you're not toxic Iz. You're exactly the opposite honey. You have to trust me on that, I know because everyday you take my life and make it a little better. Because of you and the light inside you I have a life, Cooper has a life. Angela was a rotten woman, something was very wrong with her but it had nothing to do with you. I don't know why life is so unfair, I ask myself that question everyday. We are responsible for the decisions we make in life, my decisions are my own. Cooper made the decision to be with you regardless of whether you could bare a child, because you are worth it. Angela made the decision to risk the life of her son along with her own and she lost both, you can't take responsibility for that. My bubbas are healthy and strong, Jace will never let anything happen to them and Beth is doing such a good job that you don't need to worry about them" I tell her gently and kiss her forehead. "Izzy honey, it's okay to want a baby. It's okay to feel jealous of what others seem to get so easily when nothing you can do will get you that. It's okay to get angry. It's not okay to keep it in, it's not okay to blame yourself. It's not okay to hide from your family. Say it out loud Iz, just put it out there to be dealt with"
"No" she shakes her head stubborn.
"Beautiful girl, do we need to have that conversation now?" Coop kisses the back of her head and is voice is filled with pain.
"There's no point" she wipes at her eyes angrily.
"There is always a point to communicating, c'mere" he rolls her over to face him and she buries her face in his neck. "I will rip this earth to pieces to get you what you want Isabel, tell me beautiful... do you want a baby?" Coop asks carefully almost hopefully.
"Yes" she whimpers. "I'm so sorry Cooper, so sorry" she shudders and Coop closes his eyes holding her tight.
"Okay baby, it's okay. Anytime you're ready we can make this happen, I will give you a child sweetheart. I promise" he raises her lips to his and kisses her softly.
"No not a child, your child. I want your child inside me or I want nothing. I know that is incredibly selfish and unreasonable but you asked me to be honest. Cooper only you" Iz whispers and that cuts me deep.
What I wouldn't give to hear those words said to me?
"Oh baby girl, I love you so much. That's not unreasonable sweetheart, that's natural and I'm going to try really hard to make that happen for you. I wish I could make love to you right now and plant that seed, I wish it was that easy for you. I'm sorry" Coop kisses her again and she holds his face kissing him harder.
"Coop" she moans against his lips.
"Uh brother, I'm sorry I can't share my wife with you right now. She needs me, mind giving us some privacy?" Coop asks already rolling on top of my girl.
"Wait, I can't stay and watch? Really?" I tease but I move from the bed already needing to get out of here, it feels like I can't breathe.
"Sorry Cole, give me ten minutes and I'll make you breakfast" Iz voice shakes as she lifts Coop's shirt over his head.
"Twenty" Coop moans as she kisses his chest.
"Make it an hour, I have to go bleach my eyes" I mutter climbing the stairs.
"Oh fuck Iz" Coop groans as I shut the door behind me. I wish!