Fading Out (COMPLETED)

Chapter two

I hate this part, the nerves, the tension, the anxiety. The fear that I'm not good enough, that everyone will laugh in my face. My band warm up and tune their instruments and I set up my gear in silence, I can't do small talk before a gig. I plug in and set up all the different pedals for my guitars and tape down the cords so I don't trip on them later. The bar is still empty but even so I feel shy as I do the mic check, as cocky as I pretend to be I really do hate the attention focused on me.
My band is still new, just getting to know each other although Mike on drums and Jewel on bass used to date. For the life of me I cannot remember the guy's name who plays the keyboards and it's been way too long to admit that now, I just call him dude. He is pretty skilled though and I picked him over a blonde babe because he can also play the violin and double bass, his back up vocals are pretty good too. Ryan is a really good guitarist and we get on well, having him upfront with me is loads of fun and he takes the pressure off me to entertain the crowd. Doesn't hurt that he is popular with the ladies and we already have a small band of groupies that get the word out online when we are playing and post videos and photos to our Insta and Facebook pages for us. Free press is good press.
I like to think it's a good thing for Coop too. His bar is the only place we play and people are coming in solely to see us already.
I take a long swig of my beer and clear my throat, playing with the tunings on my acoustic guitar I start to play softly. Something that is too soft and slow for the bar but gives the sound guy something to work with, an old favourite, the gunners and patience. I start to sing and keep my head down feeling shy, one by one the band joins in and I can hear the volume levels changing in the room till every individual instrument sounds right.
Somehow the song feels heavy tonight, like the words are my own and my dark mood thickens the air around me. I close my eyes and Isabel's face consumes my vision, I see her straddling my waist. Her eyes are sad and begging, I see my nightmare. That's what it was. Anytime I dream of her I consider it a nightmare, even when she doesn't die my mothers death, even when she just loves me. There is nothing quite like the pain of being so blissfully happy in my woman's arms then waking up to an empty bed, an empty heart and realising nothing was real.
It's going to take more than patience to make it work for us. My voice takes on an rough timbre, bringing a rawness to the lyrics as the song comes to an end.
I open my eyes and the kitchen staff are now watching us along with a few of the bar staff, along with the owners.
"Get whatcha need?" I ask the sound guy embarrassed.
He gives me a thumbs up and I put my guitar back with the others on my stand, jumping from the stage I ignore my brother and his wife while I go to get myself something stronger to drink.
"That was something different for you, nailed it by the way. The band is really coming along" Coop doesn't get the hint and invades my personal space anyway.
"Thanks" I mumble.
"I've been talking it over with my business manager and financial advisor and we think it's time we put a cover charge on the door for your shows, fifty fifty on the proceeds and you keep the existing fee" Cooper tells me pouring himself a beer.
"Dude that's not how you make money in business, charge what ever you like but the proceeds are yours" I shrug and take a shot of jack.
"No apparently it is and I know better than to argue with my wife, it's apparently how we keep our exclusivity with My Sweet Downfall. Izzy wants you guys on a permanent roster and thinks the cover charge can keep you here with us" he tells me propping a hip against the bar.
"One, the name choice wasn't mine. Two, you are my brother and I do actually know the meaning of loyalty. Where else can I work two jobs at once and drink for free? While we are on the subject of drinking?" I nod to his glass in question.
"It's light, blow me" he mutters and chugs it down while I laugh at him.
"Your secret is safe with me bro, what Izzy doesn't know won't hurt her. At least that's true for our road trip yeah?" I smirk at my big brother and slap his shoulder wiggling my eyebrows.
"Fuck yeah, I plan to drink you under the table" Coop laughs then stops abruptly and I know without looking my Izzy is behind me.
"What's funny boys?" Iz purrs so close to my back that I shiver.
"So many things. Clowns, cats riding robot vacs, girls that think play suits are cute" I smirk with a shrug not turning around.
"Men that don't think I know when something is going on" Iz continues and slaps my ass as she passes me to get to her husband.
Damn I love it when she does that, one of these days I will return the favour and give her a right good spanking.
"Don't know what you're talking about baby" Coop smiles at her face in innocence and the fucker pulls it off so easily.
"Uh huh, and I'm sure the beer I can already taste on your lips is just my imagination right sexy?" She grins and reaches up on tippy toes to kiss him and still Coop has to lean down for her.
I'm like almost a half a foot shorter than him, surely it would be more comfortable kissing me?
"Sorry baby, it's just the one. Promise" he pouts guilty.
"Make it a scotch I don't fucking care. I've told you already, I put me on the wagon, not us" she shakes her head at him. "If you want a drink then drink, Cooper Bentley is a big boy. Bug and I will carry you home again right Bug?" She turns and beams at me, it's not even smiling when she does this. It's like some euphoric heart starter, my heart pounds in my chest.
"No fucking way, he put my back out last time. Cooper Bentley is a real big boy" I grumble and kiss her head before leaving with a jack and Coke.
"He's jealous, he's obviously not as big as me" Coop chuckles, it must be nice to be that happy all the time.
I flip him off without looking back, Izzy knows the truth.