Pull Me Up When I Fall Down

さんじゅうなな

The two girls sat next to each other, giggling at the movie that was playing on the screen.

"Wow...I've really wanted to watch this for so long!" gushed Diana.

Riley grinned. "Me too, I'm glad I got to watch it with you."

The two had gathered in Riley's house and were having a sleepover. It was majorly overdue and they had just finished watching a movie they had been looking forward to.

Riley faced her, crossing her legs and becoming serious. "So, what did you need to talk to me about?"

Diana bit her lip. She decided she would finally tell Riley what she was feeling, but now she was nervous. Riley patted her hand comfortingly. 

"No need to be nervous. Just tell me."

Diana grabbed a plushie and hugged it to her chest. 

"I haven't spoken like this to you ever. I just felt it wasn't appropriate, ya know?"She said softly.

Riley frowned. She had no idea why Diana was acting like this.

"We became best friends in second. You dragged my anti-social butt out of my seat. You introduced me to people and brought me out of my shell. I probably would not have been able to talk to everyone in class like I do now if I hadn't met you. But something changed. I don't know when. But we drifted apart. I didn't notice it at first because we still hung out a lot. We added more people to our group. We had so much fun. But then things changed. You started hanging out more with others and I felt like I was left in the dust. You were always the more social one. Juniors and seniors like you. You're really popular. You're everything I'm not. I started talking to others and so did you. I got left behind. I hated it." said the girl, her eyes watering.

"Every time mom used to see pictures of you with the others. She used to ask me, 'Why aren't you with them? Aren't you and Riley best friends?' It hurt every time I responded with 'We aren't that close anymore.' I wanted things to be okay. But I was a coward and I never told you how I felt. I was stupid, but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I didn't want to be embarrassed to find out that you weren't as bothered by it as I was. That I was just holding onto the past and I should just let go..."

She sniffled. "Soon I realized even if we hung out, we had nothing much to talk about anymore. We stopped interacting so much that we didn't even know what we had in common. You called me your best friend. But aren't best friends supposed to fit together the best? Aren't they supposed to be so at home with each other? I couldn't talk about guys because you never seemed like the person to talk about that. I could never tell you my fears and dark thoughts because I never thought you'd listen. And I didn't know why I was thinking like that. But I began to believe it. I started to think you belonged with the popular people. And that didn't include me."

Riley hadn't said anything till now.

"I don't know what to say. Every time I saw you with others I would subconsciously think, 'It's not like I can fit in with them anyway.' I started doubting what others thoughts about me. I began believing that they only talked to me because it was obligatory and we were in the same group. I started becoming pessimistic and I felt like I never belonged. I didn't belong anywhere."

Diana took a deep breath.

"I want a clear answer from you. Tell me what you think. Do you think that everything I thought was right? Or was I being paranoid?"

She looked Riley straight in the eyes, ignoring her tear-stained cheeks and red, puffy eyes. "Please."

[A/N

This chapter is actually a message to my friend. I'm too cowardly to tell her in person. And this book is something I keep really close to my heart. So I decided to do this.

If you're reading this. I'm sorry. I hope you'll forgive me. I just want things to be okay.

Love,

Sam]