Omnia Vincit Amor

IX.

"Vivere memento." -Sundial motto

Remember to live.

"Brett, I have a question if it is fine with you. You do not need to answer." Eddy started nervously.

"What is it Eddy?" Brett asked back, succumbing into what was about to come.

"So many people know of your name but not your history. They just know you because of your godly talent but they do not know what made that. Can I know a portion of why your playing is godly?" Eddy asked nervously.

"Well, I do not wish to talk about exactly what had happened but I can tell you a portion of it. My mother was a big part of my playing. She had taught me that playing the violin should be loved because merely motivation and discipline are not enough to keep you going. She told me that loving something will make you stay, no matter how hard or weak you are. Love will be enough to keep you going and it had been the thing I have always held onto as a memory of my mother." Brett had said honestly.

Eddy smiled, not knowing what to do. It makes sense as to why he played so emotionally despite having an unemotional expression.

"That does make sense, Brett. It might be one of the reasons why you could play the violin as if it was crying or laughing. You are amazing that way. But the memory of your mother, what does that mean?" Eddy asked again, having the urge to embrace Brett but he suppressed it.

"My mother died a few years back, I really do not wish to talk about it now." Brett said, actively dismissing the topic for now.

"If it makes you feel better, I have lost my father a few years back, too." Eddy told him. "Did she die on spring? Is that why your interpretation of Beethoven's spring sonata was a bit mellow?" Eddy asked him again.

"Very observant of you and yes she did." Brett said, not wanting to bare his soul. "Wait, where did you hear me play spring sonata?" Brett asked.

"A year ago, you were in the second year, almost graduating and I was in my first year. That performance made me cry because I did lose my father in the spring season, too." Eddy said, afraid of moving towards the older man in fear of doing something he might regret doing later on.

Nothing was spoken between the two. The silence was not awkward rather it was a comforting one. It was like paying respects for their deceased parents. They did not mind though, they both looked like they needed it. Eddy was the first to move, though.

He engulfed the older in an embrace that is tight and longing. He did not care if he will regret it later, Eddy needed the comfort now. So did Brett but he will not admit to it out loud. He just allowed himself to hold the younger boy but the younger boy was holding onto him.

Brett did not feel the chills run down his spine rather he felt fire run through his system. He heard a symphony at the top of his head but it is not by a famous composer. He was the one conducting the symphony that ignites the fire even more. Brett was conducting the symphony and the fire grows bigger and stronger. Brett is losing all his willpower to not hold onto the boy. Brett was losing all his cool and that facade that he had grown so hard to build only to be tore down by this very boy in his arms.

Eddy on the other hand was now growing weaker. His knees are giving out and he had his entire weight being carried by Brett. He does not know if this happened because he relived the trauma of losing his father or the fact that he had Brett Yang so close to him, but it did not matter. What matters is that Brett kept him grounded even if his emotions are not. Brett kept him standing tall and kept on going. Brett had taught him that love will be enough to keep him living.

He does not say it out loud but he had an intuitive guess. Edward Chen was hopelessly and irrevocably in love with this man that was holding him. He thought that it did not matter whatever the older man felt for him because he would just love him enough for the both of them. He knows, he knows exactly how much pain this will cause him and how his life is on the line but it did not matter.

Edward Chen was in love with Brett Yang and so be it.

He does not care for consequences anymore because being held like this reminded him of reasons to keep on living. To keep on going and maybe Brett Yang was right about that. Love will make you stay no matter how hard or weak you feel. Love will stay strong for him, build his guard up and stand proud and tall. He was in love with Brett Yang and living seemed so impeccable.

Edward Chen does not mind what cruelness or beauty the world will give to him as long as he loves Brett Yang he could conquer it all. He could stay on top of the world with this kind of love.

All good things must come to an end, and that includes the end of their embrace. Eddy did not feel it when he cried but he did. Brett Yang did not cry but he felt like he wanted to be swallowed by the ground wholly.

Eddy's realization was much more profound and beautiful. He might have just found what love truly felt like. Brett's realization was painful and it is such a burden for him. He was denying what this love could bring to him. It was sad that they were not in the same boat but they loved each other.

Of course, they will not admit it to each other but that was that. They loved each other.

Brett Yang must have had remembered to live. Maybe he would not feel the love he felt for Eddy is he merely lived for him instead of loving him. It seems riskier and bigger but at least it was not illegal to live for him. Loving him was illegal so he will just wish to live for him, to breathe for him and to be free with him.

Maybe it's premature love that will blossom into something that will be unconditional. Again, it does not matter because as long as they had each other, they were still living. Maybe, just maybe it will be enough for Brett to love the younger man back.

"I am sorry for crying. I just missed my father and got melancholic about it." Eddy said, wiping the tears off of his face.

"It is fine. A good cry or two will make everything lighter." Brett said, trying to keep his composure. He spoke as if that embrace did not affect him but it did. It must have been the moment that he felt so much all at once. He had never done that before.

Eddy just smiled after he saw the older man's face. Maybe he will always adore this love that he simply cannot have. The pain and the sensations that was brought by his love for that man is enough. It was not healthy nor sane but he would do anything to love the man.
Again, it does not matter if he was not loved back. He just wants to love freely and faithfully.

Eddy was about to leave the room until Brett Yang spoke up.

"Remember to live and love, Eddy. Keep on going even if you know the pain will kill you because dreams should be fulfilled." Brett said, feeling a bit hypocritical because he cannot fight for this love of his.

"I know, Brett. I know..." Edward said, not looking at the older man in the fear that he might lose all his control again.

The moment that they were not in each other's space anymore, both let out a breath that they did not know they were holding. Eddy sighed, knowing that he had gotten himself into deep trouble. Loving Brett Yang will make him lose everything but sadly, he does not mind. Not one bit.

As for Brett, he knows that he will lose everything. He was not fine with it because it was merely love. He cannot do anything, he just needs to pursue his dream of becoming a soloist. He will only drag himself down if he worshipped the love that he could have for Eddy.

He ignores the blooming feeling in his chest and allowed his rationality to take over. This was only a weakness and he could get over it by using his strength. Music is the answer for this pain.