Omnia Vincit Amor

XXXVII.

"Dulce puella malum est." -Ovid

The Woman is a sweet poison.

Eddy thought that the moment he married her, everything would fall in to place since she was so in love with him. Eddy was wrong.

Oh, how he was so wrong.

Eddy did not know whether it was just him having a hard time adjusting or if Irene was not the same person he had known before. Whatever it might be, Eddy will never know. It is not like he could object now, he married her and he had to be a father now.

If he cannot be a good husband, then he will be a good father.

He went home from a rehearsal with the orchestra. He was to play the Mendelssohn violin concerto and this one just takes him back to his youth. The days where Brett would fix his technique and how Brett played it as if he owned the piece. The second movement and how Brett phrases it is engraved in Eddy's bloodstream.

He tries to capture what Brett had encapsulated to him when they were younger. He tries to capture the raw emotion that Brett had the moment he played this when his father was buried next to his mother. He tries to capture the feeling Brett gave him but it is falling flat.

The way Eddy played it sounded so mechanical compared to Brett's. He was already giving it his entirety but Brett was barely breaking the depths of his heart. Eddy had made a correlation between it, between them.

Brett was simply love.

It does not matter what the context is, Brett is love. Whether his love or everyone else's, Brett was an embodiment (or wholely) of love. He should have known, he should have.

It is why he still compares how Brett loved him to his now wife.

Maybe what they say is true. You could never know a person entirely until you had married or lived with them. But Eddy was not critical of her parenting, she was a good mother. There was no denying that.

Maybe they spent too much time being parents that they forgot how to love each other. It was so easy to lose yourself at that type of situation, it is how most people fall apart. So, Eddy does his best for his mind to not get too clouded.

He was walking home and found that his children were eagerly waiting for him to arrive home. He was greeted by hugs and kisses.

"Pa, I know you might be tired but could you play for us?" George, his eldest said with glee.

Eddy Chen is not heartless so he cannot say no to him.

"Yes, I will but you promise that you will be s good child and stop breaking my rosin..." Eddy taunted but there was no bite behind his words.

"Yes papa, I promise! Even they want to hear you play, come on!" George coaxed as he pointed to his siblings.

"Only because it is for my wonderful children..."

Eddy set his violin up as the children gathered around and sat on the floor of their living room. Eddy warmed up a bit first before playing the piece that he held dearly to his heart.

Beethoven's spring sonata.

The first few notes sweet like honey or sugar, until it turns to something a bit more bitter. Like burning sugar, Eddy was sure to taste the bitterness as he remembers his youth. How much he had spent his time waiting and watching Brett perform this. The pain that was etched on his chest that he thought had disappeared was coming to his appearance again.

The children looked at their father in awe, even the little one staying still. It was quite the sight as Irene saw. She is not aware of the thoughts meandering on Eddy's mind as he played. She always attached this piece to their wedding.

Irene was a bit glad that there was still the same old thoughtfulness that Eddy carried. Even if she is unknowing of the man that is presently ghosting in Eddy's existence. A distant yet close memory of his youth and his first love.

As soon as Eddy was finished, the children cheered and asked him to play one more piece. Now, Eddy played the one freshest in his mind. The andante of Mendelssohn's violin concerto.

The moment Eddy played, the kids got quiet and watched their father. Irene, who was watching from afar, went nearer and sat on their couch. She watched her husband and she almost teared up.

She remembers how they had started. The proposal, the wedding, the first dance and kiss. Listening to this brings her back to the days, their happy days as a couple. Now, it seemed more somber. She feels as though she is trapped and unhappy. She now feels as though Eddy does not need her anymore.

She is also not being fulfilled with the marriage, physically. After they had children and Eddy starting to practice more in order for him to earn, they had been lacking intimacy. Sure, there were kisses and hugs, holding her close when they slept but it was not enough for Irene. She needed more from Eddy. She wanted more from Eddy.

When he finished, the children were off to bed since they already had their dinner. They kissed their papa good night and Eddy sent them to bed. Eddy seemed distant from Irene but he does not mind. He had done this for the past few years, now.

After eating his dinner with Irene and getting ready for bed, she asked them to talk.

"Eddy, my dear, do you still love me?" She asked, looking up at him with those eyes.

"Of course I do, that never changes!" Eddy defended, lies spilling out of his mouth like a waterfall.

"Then, how come you do not touch me like you used to? How come you do not make love to me anymore? Am I not beautiful in your eyes anymore because we already had children?" Irene cried, but being careful because she does not want to wake the children up.

"Irene, love, I do not need physicality for me to show my life. I love you the way you are. You are the most beautiful woman in my life... I just have been busy. I still love you, nothing could change that..." Eddy coaxed as he held her close to him. "Besides, it might be you who is not in love with me anymore..." Eddy said as he ran his hands through Irene's hair.

"But Eddy, if you do not touch me I feel like I am not attractive to you anymore. Like, you do not want me after I became a mother became of the marks and the weight I have been gaining. I know my body is not what it used to be... Your loving would not hurt me." Irene said against the fabric of his clothing.

"Love, those marks are the signs that you had given me children... They are our blessing. Do not think of yourself as unattractive because of those. You are beautiful..." Eddy coaxed.

"You are just saying that because you are disgusted!" Irene accused.

"I am not... I promise. I do not know how to prove you that..." Eddy sighed, still holding her close.

"You can start by making love to me..." She whispered against Eddy's ears.

Eddy does not want to do it, but Irene had already went on top of him. She was kissing him like there was no tomorrow and Eddy is uncomfortable. Not because he does not think she is attractive, but because he does not want to.

She started removing Eddy's shirt as her soft hands wander around his bare skin. She used her other hand to guide Eddy's hands to her upper body. He still felt uncomfortable with the advances because he does not want to do it. He had no other reason, Eddy just does not want to.

He pulled away from the kiss and put his hands on Irene's shoulder. He put his shirt back on and apologized to Irene.

"I am terrible sorry, Irene. I just do not want to do it..." Eddy said in a small whisper, his voice almost showing that he was already in tears.

"You really think I am not attractive anymore, huh? I do not want to see you! Sleep on the couch..." She exclaimed as she cried.

Eddy does not want to argue and he would love that option since he felt uncomfortable near her presence. He immediately went to sleep there and felt a sense of peace, as though he was not being strangled by her presence.

He messed up, he knows it clearly. His mind drifting to a distant memory of his youth. The shadow of a man in his dreams, the one he shared his body with when he was a teenager. Brett Yang is living in his mind.