Omnia Vincit Amor

XLI.

"Amorem acuit absentia, eum praesentia confirmat." Thomas Fuller

Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.

The moment Brett had seen Eddy and his children fill his childhood home made it feel like he was young again. Well, today was a Saturday so the children will settle in for a while in Brett's home then proceed to Irene's home.

Brett and Eddy had to give those kids more credit than they deserve. They understood completely even if it was a foreign concept. They loved their mother and father so they need not to choose sides. As for Brett Yang and Edward Chen?

They still have not talked about what happened between them two weeks ago. They were in between being acquaintances, friends, brothers-in-law and lovers. This confused Brett but he tried to put some distance between them, especially if it was just the two of them in the house.

Brett knew he will end up being hurt in this situation again. So, even if he extended his arms out to help Eddy, he does not expect anything in return. He only expected Eddy to be civil around him and Brett would not question his parenting. Not that he could, the man was doing better than Brett had ever expected.

Edward Chen on the other hand, he cannot find the right time to apologize to Brett. He was gathering his courage because he wanted to finally talk to it about Brett. He wanted to talk about that night and he wanted to fully apologize and thank Brett, too. Yet now, he still cannot. He was not yet brave.

Oh, the Lord knows Edward Chen for his bravery that night when he and Brett kissed. Whatever power or force of the universe or his God had given him, he needs it back.

Brett looked around for him constantly. Longed for his warm body to be in the same constant space as him, it is the root of all insanity that thrives in Brett's veins. Under his skin, there is something more than just longing or desire. He still cherished Eddy the way he did in his late teenage years.

Eddy sat on the couch while Brett was facing a window, playing his violin. Eddy observed Brett since he was turned away from Eddy. He was playing a melody that Eddy cannot recognize, but a beautiful melody, nonetheless.

The melody swirls around, majestic with a certain type of fullness to it. It is of different style of what Eddy usually plays. He does not wonder, though. Brett deserves his career now. He became better than he ever was before.

The way Brett played it, it was like this was a tribute for the composer. As if he loved the composer. That did not cross Eddy's mind; Brett could be with someone else now.

And that did not register in Eddy's mind up until he had heard Brett play again. It was just impossible that Brett would play for him after all those years. It was likely that he was with someone else now. At the thought Eddy had to bring his open book down his lap and lean his head back to the couch.

It had hurt more than he had anticipated.

He closed his eyes and continued to listen to Brett. The piece sounds a lot like love and loss. For a second, Edward Chen could pretend that everything Brett was still playing for him.

Edward Chen was not aware of the fact that all those years, every single piece he had played... He played them all for him. All that Brett Yang did was for Edward Chen. Brett turned away to meet Eddy's gaze but the man had his eyes closed.

Perfect opportunity. Brett thought as he stared at him. He looked so tired but there was peace in his face when he was focusing on what Brett was playing. He had to thank Pyotr for the great violin concerto that he composed. Too beautiful for this world, Brett might add.

Eddy opened his eyes and their eyes met. Brett almost slipped up but his playing did not falter. His heart was beating loudly and he could feel the pulse against his temporal pulse point. Eddy felt as though he cannot breathe. All the air that was in his lungs were taken aback by Brett Yang.

This was the type of glances that both were too afraid to commit when the children was around. It spilled too much emotion and longing. It is the root of both their insanity. Still, it was too late to be unfaithful, now. They were each other's again, even without words or actions.

Brett Yang still belonged to Edward Chen. Edward Chen still belonged to Brett Yang. Any force of the earth cannot set them apart now.

Brett Yang stopped playing, he set his violin down on the nearest table. Edward Chen stood up and met him halfway. They were standing at the middle of Brett's living room, face to face with each other.

For the first time, Eddy was the one to make a move. He pulled Brett closer to his body, looking down on his eyes. Brett was afraid of Eddy feeling the rhythm of his heart beat. At this rate of closeness, everything that was going on in their individual bodies become one.

The moment that Brett did not care anymore, he met him up for a kiss. Brett was holding on tightly as his lips tell all the stories. Eddy held on even tighter, listening and leaning on the stories that Brett's lips told. Both of them felt and tasted tears but they did not know who it came from.

Their lips were catching up with each other well. A decade was long enough for them but Brett did not mind if he will wait forever. If he did, they might as well be together again. Still, both were melting at the affections and they did not need more in order to be satisfied.

He looks at me from across the room, those eyes holding so much truth. Yet, I believe his words more. His words from fifteen years ago. Who could love someone like me? I am only a man who fell in love with a fellow man. Men cannot be together in this world of ours.

He did the right thing before. Why should he change now?

It still lives in my chest... The way he told us that he allowed the woman to be with someone else because she was not in love with him anymore. It must have hurt him, the one he truly loved was not in love with him anymore.

I know that feeling but I had always hoped he never had to feel that way. I just want to comfort him but I believe that I am not the right person to do so. I do not want him to feel guilty, even if he never felt like so.

It brings me happiness that he is in the room next to mine. That he could stand living with me and even feel comfortable raising his children in my presence. I do not ask of him to love me... That would be too much.

I only asked him to move in with me because he is family. He needed all the help that he could get and I am happy to give it all to him without asking for anything in return. I am not a bad man with different intentions. My only intention is to ease the pain away even if temporary.

I will be back in Vienna sometime next year. I only asked for a vacation because I want to live in my hometown again and be known as who I am. Not my name as a violinist or a novelist. I only want to be the person that everyone had known here.

I wish that would never change, coming home to this constantly. I ran away for far too long, I have to embrace the problems and fears now. I have to accept the fact that I was not loved before by the one I loved. I have to accept that I could never be loved like him in the way I want.

Yes, it brings a thousands worth of pinpricks that cause me pain but it is my truth. Music is the only thing I should be devoting my time on. Need not to hold on to a teenage love... It was naive of me to hold on to it in the hopes that when I return he might have told me that it was a horrible dream and that he did love me all those years.

A man could only dream.

At least in my dreams, my love is requited and need not anything but his presence. Pathetic, I know... I could never forget at this stage. But what if that is it?

I am not forgetting because I do not want to.