Omnia Vincit Amor

Epilogue

"Verba volant, scripta manent."

Spoken words fly away, written words remain.

When Eddy found the letters and the journal, he did his best to write to Brett the same manner he did when Eddy was married to Irene. The only difference now was Brett would not be able to read it.

He appreciated everything that Brett had done for him. Hopefully, in their next life, Brett could find them and read them. 

December 25, 1904

This is the very first Christmas I had not spent with you for the last two decades of my life. I miss you, terribly so. How could you leave me just like that? It seemed so easy for you to just leave me without pretense or warnings. Darling, how could I live for you when you are not living anymore.

I refuse to believe that you are with Pyotr now. Every morning, I still hold on to the hope that your body is next to mine and I hold you close to me. My lover, I miss you more than ever.

If this is a horrible nightmare, please wake me up, Brett. I do not want to continue like this. I do not have my right hand man. I miss you.

In my head I still wake up to your presence and I am still in your arms. I kiss your cheek and I play for you. You smile with glee, I play you Tchaikovsky's compositions. How I miss him dearly too, Brett. Wake me up now from this dream. I want to be with you again. Brett, hear me out love.

Wake me up from whatever reality this time I exist in.

- - - - -

March 23, 1905

How dare you leave me this way? Do you think it is fair for me, huh? I do not like this! I hate you and I hate this! I despise your being.

Brett, how come you were taken away from me so early? I never had the chance to love you. We could have gone anywhere in Europe so that we could have you healed. I could have spent all our savings in saving you.

Brett, how am I supposed to go in without you? Do you think that this is easy for me? For Belle and Alexander? You make me so angry, you make my blood boil. I hate how I feel this way about you!

You cannot even defend yourself because you are gone! You are not with me anymore and it still hurts everyday. I still have this aching in between my chest. Just come back already! What are you waiting for? Stop playing this game!

Wake me up, Brett. Please, I love you. I live for you. That will never fade nor change. Please come back! I apologize for saying I hate you. I do not. I only hate the fact that you left me so early.

I miss you so much you do not even know Brett. My every move still revolves around our world that you left behind! What could I do, my lover? I cannot stand living alone and never living for you.

Help me out of my misery, lovely. I terribly miss you. I am sorry for saying I hate you. I do not know what came over me. I love you dearly but for God's sake, come back to me. I cannot let you slip away that easily. Not like that, not ever again. I miss you...

- - - - -

June 14, 1905

I have thought of it, what if I ask God to return you to me and in turn I would give up all my limbs? I am thinking of every way I could have saved you. I want to have your disease so that you could live long enough for me to see you happy and healthy.

I just want you back and I would do anything that I could!

I would sacrifice a leg or an eye just to bring you back next to me. I want to play duets with you, dance waltzes with you, have breakfast with you, take you to wherever you desire, we could even just spend an afternoon of quietness together. Anything would suffice just to get you back with me.

I would rather be dead than you.

It sounds morbid and I know I am committing sacrilege but if I could switch places with you now, I would let you live without question nor return. You loved like that, too. I read a part about that in your journal once.

I was married at the time and you went to Vienna. You were writing bout how you loved me unconditionally. How you loved someone like me, I could never know. You loved without returns or conditions when it came to me. I still wish from time to time that my younger self would be so brave to fight for you.

I feel sorry for everything. You had already forgiven me and that is behind us but I am still sorry for making you feel that way for so many years... I cannot believe you still took me back after that stunt I pulled.

I am close to asking God to return you to me in exchange of my musical capabilities.

- - - - -

September 9, 1905

I am lonely without you. My heart weeps when my thoughts soar to you and I could only weep with it. I sob out an elegy with my tongue and my tears sprout eulogies without effort. Every little thing reminds me of you and it makes me very unhappy.

But if it is this way, if it is for you... I am glad to be unhappy.

I had a vision of you in my dreams. I still see you in my dreams. We were in our home with a storm outside. It is dark outside and we were drinking sweet wine. You poured some on my glass and you did the same with mine.

It was cold but you kept me warm with your bodies. Our source of light a candle light that is slowly burning out. Memories of the past, we need not to recite. Everything not talked about is forgotten. That candlelight was the glimmer of hope I held on to.

You held me close and it felt to real. You whispered in my ear and I still love you. Still you.

I woke up with tears streaming down my face and an empty bed next to me. I thought that I would wake up in your arms and you would tell me it was just a nightmare. I thought he would give you back to me for I have sunken to my knees and prayed just so I was born to love you again.

Pull me out of my misery, Brett. I am so unhappy here. I miss you so dearly that I forget that I have to take care of myself. I know you will tell me that what I am doing is wrong but do not fret.

My violin weeps for me.

- - - - -

December 25, 1905

I had come to a point in life where I am already fine. I have accepted that I had lost you Brett but I still love you. I told you that does not change. I am back home and it feels colder than ever. I miss the holidays with you.

I always knew that you loved Christmas because of your good experiences with the holiday ever since you have lived. I lost you on the holidays so I have to get back up and celebrate it with cheer.

I hope your Christmas this year is the best since you are with your ma, pa and Tchaikovsky. I hope he is still making good music. I hope you are still playing his music be heard all across. I love you, Brett and I am glad that you love me too. I am alright now, I had accepted that you are in a better place.

I remembered what you had theorized about our next lives.

Frankly, I do not mind where I will be, where I am and who I will be. I will be happy to be with you no matter who you are in our next life. I just want to love you more in our next time. I promise I would not let go, Brett Yang.

I would love you the way you love me. Unconditionally, without expecting returns or conditions. I will meet you again and I will be happy with you again.

I had continued my dreams. Mister Jean Sibelius was a kind man who liked me. I have made my dream come true. I played his concerto as he had dedicated him for me. Thank you for showing me the right way. I will see you in the next life.

I live for you, my lover.