Omnia Vincit Amor

XLIV.

"Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo." -Unknown

If I can not bend the will of Heaven, I shall move Hell.

The children were happy when their father broke the news. They were happy that Eddy was finally going with their uncle Brett. They had been suggesting that he answer one of the patrons so that he could travel with Brett. Luckily, the Mrs Von Meck was the one who wanted Eddy to tour the most.

He was lucky because she is Brett's friend. Also, Brett always recommended him beforehand. Before they even got together, he spoke of Edward so highly in front of Von Meck. He deserved it and Brett could not be any happier for Eddy.

So, here they are, on a ship going to St. Petersburg to help Tchaikovsky with a problem he has. Apparently, this was very heavy and both the men could not resist helping him. Pyotr and Eddy had already met through letters but not in the flesh.

Brett was excited to allow them to meet each other now. He wanted them to meet each other for a while now and Brett was glad that Eddy finally came with him.

The moment they arrived in Russia, both were greeted by Pyotr.

"Finally, Mr Chen, I have come to meet you in person." Pyotr said as he kissed Eddy's cheek and pulled him in for an embrace.

"You could just call me Eddy, Pyotr. We are friends now." Eddy said as he embraced Tchaikovsky back.

They get in a carriage to go to Tchaikovsky's home. Brett and Eddy held hands and Pyotr cannot help but smile. There was no bitterness in his tongue nor heart. Pyotr was now in love with someone else. He was happy for the couple sitting across him in the carriage.

They enter Pyotr's home and it felt like home to them, too. It was just how Pyotr had always been. He makes you feel like you are home, so does his music. Pyotr showed them their room for them to put their suitcases and violins.

They all sat down on the living room when the tea that Pyotr had prepared was set on the coffee table. Eddy did not feel any discomfort around the home, in fact, it was quite the opposite.

"So, Edward, how are your children?" Pyotr asked before drinking his tea.

"They are doing well, Pyotr. The older two are already married. I cannot believe they grow up too fast!" Eddy said, chuckling as he put the teacup on his lips and took a sip of the wonderful tea. 

"Anyway, Pyotr, what is this problem that you spoke of in the letters?" Brett asked, looking at Pyotr with worry.

This had been clouding their minds ever since they were heading here.

"Always straight to the point, Kotik..." Pyotr chuckled nervously. He now knew what Brett's real name was. They just decided to still stick with the nickname because it was convenient. It was also preferable since a lot of people do not know Brett by his real name.

"I always have been, Ilyich. Now, tell us. Eddy and I want to help you..." Brett said, voice almost begging.

There was a moment of silence for the three in the room as Pyotr thought of what to say to the couple in front of him.

"They found me out..." Pyotr said quietly.

"Found you out?" Brett asked quietly as he looked at Pyotr.

"They know that I am a homosexual, Edward, Brett... They knew from a person that told me on, someone had caught me with a man. I was not careful enough..." Pyotr said with shaking hands.

"What did they ask you to do, Pyotr?" Eddy asked, nearing the shaking body.

"They told me that it should not come out to anyone and everyone... They asked me to end my life or they are threatening to let the public know and humiliate me." Pyotr said, finally breaking down into tears suppressed from about a month now.

Eddy went up to comfort Tchaikovsky by holding him close while kneeling down in front of him. Brett was too shocked to say anything at first, too angry. He could feel the hot blood rush through his veins. This was simply unfair!

"Oh, Pyotr dear. Please, stop crying... You are not at fault for you only loved who you really wanted to love." Eddy comforted, rubbing circles on the composer's upper back.

"Pyotr, that is simply not fair! They cannot do that to you! You are one of the people they hold highly and proudly... They cannot do that to anyone whose only intention is to love and express themselves freely..." Brett said angrily, pulling his hair out in frustration.

"Do you think I do not know that, Brett? I know... They do not know that, though. Unfortunately, our thinking is not for this generation. It is way ahead of our time..." Pyotr said shakily. "I do not want to humiliate myself in front of people that look up to my art. I do not want to be executed publicly. Stay with me for a while, both of you. I need you two with me." Pyotr added.

"That is done without questions nor doubts. We will stay with you, Pyotr." Eddy said, holding Pyotr tighter than he could ever think of doing so. Pyotr's shaking hands rested on the middle of Eddy's back.

"Of course we will stay with you, Ilyich. We will not leave you in such a vulnerable time." Brett said, petting Tchaikovsky's hair as he kneeled down and hugged the crying man near him.

Shortly, Pyotr's cries calmed down and he worked on regaining his normal breathing back. He held them both tightly and the couple had not let him go. They all stood up, went near the piano placed on the corner of the living room. Brett and Eddy had asked Pyotr to drink the boiled water and sat him down.

It was time to write his goodbye.

May 13, 1893

Those who live a short life had gotten their purpose fulfilled. I despise watching a situation unfold from afar, knowing you cannot do anything but watch everything deteriorate. Why do the good die young so early? It is upsetting... It is disappointing. He does not deserve this.

He only loved who he truly wanted to love. Why is his love so looked down upon? He only wanted to just be truly happy. Does he not deserve love because he loved someone of the same sex as him? His love is tying him down rather than liberating him.

We must reinvent love. Love is more than just a heterosexual couple getting married for love. Love is more than just a heterosexual couple building a home. Love is more than just a heterosexual couple. If love is truly freeing, then why is his love constraining and pinning him down?

If a heterosexual couple could marry, build a home and grow old together, then why can homosexuals not do the same? They are not very different from the love that heterosexuals experience. It is not blasphemous nor a sin to love, for we are free to love whoever we desire.

I do not want to show them my grief and lament. I do not want the important men in my life see me in such state because it will only worry them. I do not want to see the pity and empathy present in their facial expressions. It worries me.

I know I cannot stop his decisions but I will make sure he does not regret the time he has here. I want him to be free even if it means him living in the afterlife. I hope he will feel no pain nor judgment when he steps foot there.

I do not want to say goodbye to him. I want him to still be by our side until we retire. I want him to see us and I want to see him bloom. I wonder if he was given more time, would he see the world change their perspective?

He had grown to be braver than I remember before. Years and years of friendship and I am glad that he chose us as his support during this hard time in his life. We only want his whole happiness while he is still on the face of this unfair earth.

Whatever and wherever he may find himself after this life of his, I hope he lives to finally love who he truly wants to. I only want him to be able to breathe and be himself. We only want him to find a home. We want his liberty and love.

It is hard now but we will be happier knowing that he will not be judged in his afterlife. I hope his next life treats him better than this life did. For now, we could only thank him and his existing art that shall never die. Live on, Pyotr Tchaikovsky.