Friends || BTS

Chapter 29: Convention

As soon as I entered my room I threw myself on the bed and sobbed myself to sleep. This is probably why I didn't want to believe he had feelings for me. Specifically because of this. Because I just lost my best friend.
All I wanted to do was talk to him about the breakup, about the trust issues, the thick walls that I know I cannot break through, just everything. But I couldn't. And that hurt me a million times more than if it was just some random guy. I hated how much I needed him. This is probably why I never confessed my feelings to Jaebeom, I was afraid of two things; being rejected and losing him. But this is worse because he's just not my best friend. He's my colleague, I have to dance with him on stage. I have to see him everyday. God, I did not think this through when I started all of this. Some adventurer, throwing myself into a burning fire like that.

I woke up to a knock on the door. I looked around and it was already dark outside, I sighed because I overslept and missed whatever activity we were supposed to do because of my pathetic state. I didn't bother to look through the peephole, I just swung the door open and walked back to throw myself on the bed again face down. "You look cheerful."

"What do you want?" I said with voice muffled through the pillow.

"I cannot hear you, you know?" He was clearly teasing me. I sat up frustrated.

"What do you want?" I said clearly annoyed.

"Need I remind you that I am still older than you?" I rolled my eyes but still..

"Sorry. What can I do for you at this fine hour?" I forced a smile as I laid down on the bed.

"You could have answered our calls. We wouldn't be here if you did. Or maybe it depended on your answer."

"I answered the door."

"Get up young lady." I groaned but obeyed.

"What the hell happened between you two. Everyone on this floor heard your fight."

"Then you know what happened."

"Stop being a pain in the ass." Yoongi finally spoke. "Tell us what happened." I did. I talked about everything. "Just so we're clear. Last I heard, Jin hyung here already talked to you about Hoseok's trust issues. What? You weren't ready?" I felt small as he spoke but he's right.

"No. I'm not ready. He cannot trust me and I can't start a relationship that is not built on trust."

"Do you realize how selfish you sound?" Jin asked me all of a sudden.

"And childish I might add." Jungkook said. "And that is coming from me. A guy who is younger than you."

"You say you want a relationship that is built on trust but you already gave up before even starting to build anything." Jin spoke frankly and I knew he was right but I don't think I have the tolerance for doubts in the relationship.

"Look, I know you're right but-.."

"No buts, you love him don't you?" Jungkook asked.

"Yes, bu-.."

"Uuh-uh.. what did I say?" He interrupted me and I pouted. "Don't you think he's worth all this?"

"I'm sure he is, maybe for someone else. What if I'm the one who's not worth putting all his trust in?" Yoongi just sighed.

"That's nonsense. Are you even listening to yourself?" Jin scolded me. "Are you going to cheat on him? Are you using him for his fame? Last I checked you weren't into this life anyway."

"Exactly my point. What if this whole idol life is not for me?" Jungkook and Jin were about to reply but Yoongi cut them off.

"Will you stop worrying already?" He took me by surprise. "You're wasting everyone's time and I need to sleep. Aish..." He paused and the room fell silent. "You're worried he won't trust you. You're also worried if he did trust you, you wouldn't be worth it. In conclusion, you worry too goddamn much. It's all in your head. You cannot foresee the future you know? The only choice you have is have faith as deep and strong as your feelings for him and work with him to build both your trusts and the relationship." He ended his words with a deep sigh.. "How am I the only one who summarized the whole convention in one speech?" He stood ready to walk to the door. "Think about it. Act on it. Resolve and salvage whatever before the concert. I will personally kick your ass and Namjoon will kick Seok's if you two cause problems. Clear? Good. Goodnight." He didn't even allow me to say anything back. He just walked up and left.

"Seriously though, relationships are hard work. You have to work as hard as you want him to. It's not fair to expect him to break down his walls as you build yours taller and thicker Yuna. You cannot give up on him halfway through just because you faced a rough patch." Seokjin said before taking me in his warm brotherly embrace. Followed by my bunny's hug. He offered me a kind smile afterwards.

"Yuna, please.. Give him and yourself a chance. We can all see how good you are to one another. Don't throw it all away because of small obstacle." I hugged him again.

"Thanks Kook. And Jin oppa." I bowed.

"Okay, no formalities. It's getting weird." Jin laughed before walking out. "Get a goodnight sleep then talk to him tomorrow morning." I nodded and waved at them before shutting the door closed. I waited for a few hours after they left until it was midnight. I decided to go talk to him. I couldn't bare the overwhelming thoughts of how he might have been thinking to the words the boys had just said to me. I texted him if he was awake and he replied with "meet me at the rooftop."

"Hi.." I said timidly when I saw his silhouette by the pool. He turned around and I saw his puffy reddened eyes. My heart broke at the sight. What have I done?

"Hey.." he smiled weakly. "Listen.. I'm sorry." He was ready to plead but I stopped him.

"I actually came here to apologize." I said embarrassed but also hopeful he'd take me back. "I shouldn't have said the things I did. I shouldn't have given up on you, on us like that." He pulled me to seat us on a nearby long chair. He held both my hands as he looked deeply into my eyes.

"Then don't ever do that ever again. Yuna, I am willing to try if you are. It's gonna be hard. I am a difficult person with so many issues and I apologize in advance but I just want to try, I only need you to be patient with me. You're worth it. I know you are." His eyes looked hopeful but wary of what I was about to say.

"It's not gonna be easy for either of us. We're gonna fight. A lot." He nodded looking down. I squeezed his hand so he would look back up at me. "If this is going to work, we have to talk it out. Our talks may come as a form of arguments but we have to talk. If you cannot give me the benefit of the doubt then the least you can do is talk to me about it." He was about to speak but I interrupted him. "If this is gonna be healthy, communication is the key. Promise me you won't pile things up in your head. We need to speak up and rectify whatever situation we face." He nodded.

"May I have my girlfriend back now?" He asked with a sweet smile but his voice was still hesitant.

"Yes. You may.." I said and with a breath of relief he held me in his embrace. "Let's not break up." I said as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Says the girl who almost ripped my heart out earlier today." He said jokingly but I can sense the hint of pain that was covered carefully with a joking tone. He's worth it Yuna. He is.