Friends || BTS

Chapter 44: Selfish.

"I'm kidding. You don't have to. You can tell the girls we kissed. But we don't have to do it." He smiled while helping me put on my coat.

"Thanks Tae." I smiled while it was my turn to help him.

Once we got to our building, he offered to drop me off at my doorstep. I didn't mind. But in a split second I forgot about all the promises I made to myself, all the risks I didn't want to take and I paused once I opened the door. "Wanna come in for a cup of hot cocoa." As soon as I said those words, I remembered the first night with Hoseok and slapped my forehead internally.

"Sure." He chuckled nervously while rubbing the back of his neck.

"I'll just change out of this. Uhmmm you should change too. You know the way." I pointed at one of the guest rooms they usually invade because they filled it with their clothes. He nodded and we disappeared into our separate rooms.

I felt my heart racing. Why was I nervous? Is it because this is the first time being alone with him after our drunken night together? I tried to push all of those thoughts out of my head as I wore something more comfortable, removed my makeup and washed my hair to get rid of all the hairspray my hair needed to be intact for the night.

I walked out of my room feeling fresh and clean. I saw him steaming milk and putting in cinnamon sticks. He looked comfortable in his shorts and loose baggy hoodie. He noticed me and flashed his signature boxy smile. "You look comfortable." He said while stirring the milk.

"You do too." I said before approaching him.

"I hope you don't mind, I thought cinnamon milk can help us relax after such a long night. I read that cinnamon helps you sleep well." I nodded. I was actually relieved since hot cocoa had been attached to significant memories with Hoseok.

"I don't mind. I just wanted something to warm me up. It's a cold night." I stood on my tippy toes to grab the mugs from the upper cabinet. He leaned back on the counter looking at me.

"Cute." He said under his breath but seemed like he just realized that he spoke the word instead of just keeping it as just a thought. "Need help?" He cleared his throat before asking. I shook my head as I reached for the the mugs I wanted.

"Let's go out to the terrace. The fireworks are about to start." I said as I noticed it was 11:55. He nodded in response. I felt more relaxed because I knew he wouldn't initiate something I wasn't comfortable with. I knew he was just teasing me but wouldn't really do it. He's not that kind of person.

Once settled next to each other on the outdoor sofa, we waited for the fireworks to start. "You like that sweater?" He asked me all of a sudden. I looked down and saw that it was Joon's sweater that he left on the sofa in my room the day Seohyun's incident happened. I felt guilty wearing it in front of Tae. I didn't want to be rude to him like that.

"Sorry. It was just there." I apologized. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

"It's fine. Makes me think of how good the rest of my sweaters and hoodies would look on you." He said and I choked on the milk I was sipping. -It's his?-. Through my coughs, the fireworks started and that was our cue for the start of the new year. He didn't do anything. He's being a respectful gentleman, he just sat there sipping on his cup and staring up at the colorful sky.

"It's beautiful." I said once my gaze followed his towards the lit up night-sky.

"It reminds me of our concerts. You know whenever I see those fireworks at our concerts I feel accomplished but sad for leaving. I feel like we barely spend time with our fans. I'm sure they've paid so much, some may have even traveled and paid more for hotels, transportation and such. I just feel bad for not being there with them more often. I even feel bad for not speaking a mutual language." He started to vent out of nowhere but I was ready to listen. -As always.-

"I'm sure they still feel lucky for being there. They know that you try to interact with everyone in the venue. Trust me they do." I said holding his hand. He adjusted his hand to lace his fingers with mine.

"Your hand fits perfectly in mine." He whispered to himself in the midst of the noisy pops of fireworks, but I heard it. He kept staring at our intertwined hands while rubbing my hand with his thumb.

"Kiss me." I said. I decided that for tonight, -this moment to be exact- to forget about all the risks, all the fears, the promises I made to myself, just everything. I said those two words and waited for him to react. He looked at me and flashed his boxy smile. He then lifted our hands up towards his lips and placed a gentle peck on the back of my hand.

"I don't want to force you to do something you're not comfortable with." He spoke against my skin.

"What about you? Does the kiss make you uncomfortable?" Maybe it's not about me after all.

"It's not about me."

"A kiss should have both party's consent you know."

He held my hand with both of his and rested it near his heart, it's like he wanted me to feel how fast his heart was beating. "I'd like nothing more. But we both know it's a bad idea." He looked into my eyes. A hint of sadness covered his beautiful brown eyes.

"What if I want to be selfish? Just for tonight." I used my other hand to tuck a strand of his hair behind his ear. I studied his angelic features, his soft clear skin, his perfectly structured jawline, his fine lips that were stuck between his teeth as he closed his eyes as soon as he felt my fingers brushing against his ear.

"I cannot be selfish with you for one night Yuna." He followed his words by an intense gaze into my soul. "I know you know about my feelings as much as I am sure about yours." He paused to adjust his posture. "And I know that one kiss won't be enough for either of us and once won't be enough either. So, we'd go through with the night and wake up with a shit load of regret in the morning." He said then finally broke eye contact to look down at our hands still laced with one another. "Just holding your hand like this makes me want and crave for more. I am one hell of a selfish guy Yuna. Once you're mine, there's no going back. Do you understand me?"

"I think I do."