so in love with you // sirius black

chapter 17

     I sat in potions class listening to Slughorn go on and on about something we had learned years ago. I glanced over to Sirius's empty seat. Considering how drunk he had been last night he was probably lying in bed with a massive hangover. I thought back to what he had said to me, he thought I didn't like him anymore, he didn't know how wrong he was. You would think that after everything I would no longer have feelings for him, but I still did, it feels like I always will. I know that he was pushing me away because he thought it would keep me safe, but now that I would be joining the order I would be in danger anyway. I have to talk to him.

    I pulled myself out of my thoughts and gave Slughorn my full attention.

•••

    Dinner had just ended and I was sitting in a secluded corner of the library working on my Potions homework when I heard soft footsteps heading my way. I looked up to see Remus standing above me.

    "Uh hi," he said softly, looking rather nervous. I hadn't spoken to him one on one since my discovery. I motioned for him to sit down across from me.

    "Hey."

    "I um- so James said you figured out furry little secret," he murmured, not meeting my eyes. "And I totally understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore, I'm dangerous, I- I mean if it wasn't for Sirius I might've killed you the other night." I had never seen Remus look this sad. He's truly one of the nicest people I know and it made me so sad that he has to go through all of this.

    "Remus, it's okay, I'm completely fine. And I'm not going to let this ruin my perception of you, you're still the kind, and hardworking person I know." I smiled at him.

    "Thank you," he said quietly, with a small smile on his face. He was silent for a moment, then looked down at what I was working on. "Oh shit." he muttered, "I forgot we had to do that." I laughed at his worried face. I was about to offer my help when James came barreling out the bookshelves.

    "Sorry to interrupt your little study session, but have either of you seen Padfoot? I haven't seen him all day," he asked loudly, which earned him a glare from Madam Pince. Remus and I both shook our heads.

    "Can't you just check the map?" Remus asked.

    "He has it!" James exclaimed.

    "I assuming you've already checked in the common room?" I asked James. He rolled his eyes at me.

    "Of course I have! I already checked the rest of the library, but I can't possibly search the whole castle by myself." He responded.

    "Prongs are you trying to ask us for help?" Remus said exasperatedly. James nodded.

    I looked down at my potions homework and shoved it back in my bag. I guess it would have to wait. 

    We walked through the mostly deserted hallways, checking in every empty classroom and corridor. All of a sudden, I had an idea. I wasn't the only one who went up to the Astronomy tower when I wanted to think.

    "I have a guess at where he is, you guys go on and if I don't find him we can meet up again later." They nodded at me and continued walking, I then turned in the opposite direction and started climbing the steep stairs to the Astronomy Tower. When I reached the top, I wasn't surprised to see a figure standing near the windows.

    "Sirius" He turned to look at me.

    "Oh hey," he murmured.

    "Where have you been all day? I think James is about to lose his mind." I moved to stand next to him.

    "I just didn't feel like going to class today," he said with a shrug, turning his gaze back to the window. "A lot is going on, I needed a break." I looked over at him, his face was awash with the light from the moon, he looked so tired.

    I knew we should probably go find James and Remus, but I really needed to talk to him. With the talk of an upcoming war, and the approaching end of our years at Hogwarts, all of my emotions have had an underlying feeling of urgency that I couldn't shake.

    "Sirius?" he gaze turned back to me. "I know that you think that I'm too good for you and that you need to keep me safe but-"

    "Maude," he said softly, interrupting me.

    "Let me finish. Sirius. I really, really like you. I'm already in danger, being muggle-born and all, but even if I wasn't I think you're worth the risk." I finished nervously.

    "I know Maude, I know, but..." his voice was low, barely a whisper.

    "But what Sirius?" My eyes met his, and I didn't look away. "I think you're worth it, shouldn't that be more than enough?"

    "I don't know," he muttered. He looked away for a moment, lost in thought, then back to me. The air between us felt thick, and I felt frozen in place, not sure what to say or do.

    "Oh, fuck it," he said, stepping closer to me. I could feel his breath on my face and the  air felt heavy.

    All of a sudden he was kissing me. It was soft at first, his arms slipping around my waist and pulling me closer to him. I reached my hands up to wrap them around the back of his neck, my fingers tangling in his hair. He started kissing me harder, his hands traveling up and down my back. It felt as though we were the only two people in the entire world.

    "I see you found Sirius." We quickly broke apart, turning to see James and Remus standing at the top of the staircase, grinning at us. I just nodded, I could feel my face heating up, Sirius was laughing lightly beside me.

    "It took you two long enough," James exclaimed.

    "You can't talk Prongs, it took you almost six years to get Lily to even speak to you," Sirius said, laughing.

    "Come on James," Remus said tugging his arm. "We should let them have their moment." James made a face, but he followed Remus back down the stairs. As I watched their retreating backs, a smile crept onto my face.

    "Did that really just happen?" I asked, looking up at Sirius. He laughed at me.

    "It really did. Though it-"

    "Sirius I swear to god, if you say one more thing about you not being good enough for me or some other bullshit, I'll never speak to you again." I snapped. He looked surprised for a moment before I broke into a grin. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, then looked down at me, and smiled brightly. He bent down and placed a soft quick kiss on my mouth.

    "Fine" he murmured.

    As we walked through the dark halls, on our way to the common room, his arm was still draped around me, as though he wasn't ready to let go.