so in love with you // sirius black

chapter 58

I woke with a start. The room was still dark, it had to be the middle of the night. I glanced over to Sirius who was sitting straight up in bed. 

"Are you okay?" I murmured, absentmindedly reaching out to take his hand in mine.

"It's nothing" He pushed his back from his face, his voice sounded strained. "I'm fine" 

"Are you sure?" I pushed myself into a sitting position. He glanced over to me, his gray eyes flashing in the darkness.

"No" His voice came out in a whisper. "They've never been this bad before."

"What are you talking about?" I asked gently.

"The dreams" He dropped his head into his hands, rubbing his eyes. He took a deep breath before continuing. "For the first few weeks after Azkaban they were horrible but then I found you again" He gave me a sad smile. "They stopped for a while, but now they're coming back and I don't know why." 

I wanted to tell him it would get better, but I knew it wouldn't. It hadn't gotten better for me.

"I still dream of them" I spoke into the silence. "Lily, Marlene, James. The dreams aren't as bad as they used to be, sometimes they're even happy. Then I wake up and realize it's not real, they're gone." I paused. "Even when the dreams leave me empty I want to go back into them, it's better then-"

"then never seeing them again." Sirius finished my sentence.

"Yeah," I said softly, not sure what to say. Anything I thought of seemed insignificant. 

We slipped back into the covers, holding each other tightly. Neither of us spoke a word, there wasn't anything left to say.

•••

I woke in the morning still wrapped in Sirius's arms. He was already awake which was unusual for him but after last night's conversation, I wasn't exactly surprised.

"Goodmorning," I said softly, turning my face to look at Sirius.

"Morning" he responded. 

Neither of us made any move to get up, just enjoying the peaceful moment. Sunlight was streaming into the room, casting shadows across the bed.

"Let's do something today," I said, breaking the silence in the room.

"Like what? Run up and down the stairs 50 times?" Sirius deadpanned. I ignored his sarcastic comment and continued on. 

"We could decorate for Christmas!" I exclaimed.

"Maude it's November."

"So?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

"I mean I'm all for Christmas but-"

"Oh come on! It will be fun, I promise"

"Fine" His tone was slightly annoyed, but there was a small smile sneaking onto his face.

So that's how I ended up in the city in search of Christmas decorations. I had decided to stay out of Diagon Alley, knowing that I would have more luck with decorations in the Muggle stores, than the wizarding ones. 

I was just making my way out of a store when I bumped into a woman with bright pink hair.

"Tonks!" I exclaimed. 

"Wotcher Maude" The younger witch greeted me. "What are you shopping for?" She gestured to the bags in my hand. 

"Christmas decorations" I explained. Showing her the contents of my bag. 

"But its-"

"November?"

"Yeah," Tonks grinned.

We stepped out of the way of passerby and talked fr a while, I mentioned Remus once or twice and Tonks blushed at his name. Soon I bid her good-bye and made my way back to Grimmauld Place.

"I'm back!" I called out, stepping into the entryway.

"I'm in the kitchen!" Sirius called back, his voice echoing through the halls. 

I shrugged off my coat and made my way towards him. When I reached the kitchen I dumped my bags on the table unceremoniously. 

"Think you bought enough decorations?" Sirius joked, taking in the pile of bags. 

"There's no such thing as too many Christmas decorations"

"I don't think this house had ever been decorated for Christmas," Sirius remarked, glancing around the large kitchen.

"Well, we better get started then," I said with a smile.

I turned back to the bags and unpacked them, revealing various lights, garlands, ornaments, and wreaths. 

We started with the kitchen, hanging wreaths in the windows and strings of lights on the cabinets. Next, we moved onto the hallways where Sirius stuck Christmas hats on some very disgruntled paintings, though he very pointedly avoided his mother portrait. We continued on through the rooms of the house hanging decorations here and there. At some point, Sirius started to whistle "God Rest ye Merry Hippogriffs". Throughout the day we had to stop Kreacher from removing the decorations. The house-elf seemed to find them quite offensive.

"I think we did pretty good," I remarked, looking around the house, which was almost unrecognizable.

"I think my parents would have a heart attack if they ever saw the house like this" Sirius said, grinning.

I stood in the hallway admiring our work, when I heard Sirius mutter a spell under his breath. I turned to see what he was doing, his wand was pointed at the ceiling where a small green plant was hanging. He gave me a cocky grin.

"Mistletoe" Sirius pointed up at the plant, his smile growing wider. 

I stepped closer to him and placed my hands on his chest pressing a soft kiss to his mouth. I pulled away, smiling up at him. He quickly wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling me into him for another kiss. I let out a surprised laugh and felt him smile against my lips. I tangled my fingers in his hair, as he kissed me.

"Merry almost Christmas," I said with a grin.