The BAU Badass

Chapter 33

Spencers POV

No. No. No. No. No. No.

We're too late. I'm so sorry, Jo. I'm so so sorry. It's all my fault. Please be okay. Please, you have to be okay.

We found her. We found the location and got here as fast as we could. But when we got there and stood outside the door ready to rush in, a gunshot sounded. I heard a gunshot. I heard it and my heart stopped. My body reacted without thinking, I ran inside without waiting for backup. I needed to find Jo before it was too late. She had to be okay. But she wasn't. If we had gotten here a few seconds earlier. If I worked harder on this case. If we had found her location sooner. If I had done something sooner, maybe she wouldn't have been shot. Maybe she wouldn't be watching the pool of blood grow below her as her eyelids fluttered closed and she fell unconscious.

After the second day Jo was tortured with the knife, I couldn't bear to watch the live video Cat purposely streamed to torture me. I couldn't. I spent every second of every day going over Cat's profile, working to find any location she could have possibly taken Jo to. The rest of the team monitored the live video for most of the time. It never turned off. Day or night, it was always live, recording every single second of trauma that Jo was enduring. They analyzed Cat's behavior, her every move. They watched her, they watched the weapons she used, they watched the angle of the camera, they watched for any sign and any indicator that could help find where they might be.

After visiting the prison Cat escaped from, Hotch suspected a guard helped her escape. I honestly can't remember doing anything useful during this case. Jo was the victim and she was the only thing on my mind. I tried my best to find any clues, to find anything that could help. But I was helpless.

That week was a blur. I remember crying, yelling in frustration, destroying everything in my office while I broke down in tears. The only thing I remember vividly is the moment Hotch walked into my office and gave me aIt wasn't until yesterday that we figured out the location.

After the gunshot sounded and I ran inside, I felt the rest of the team following behind me, though my only focus was on finding Jo. My eyes first landed on Cat and the gun firmly gripped in her hand. It felt like the world around me stopped when I saw the familiar chair from the live video and someone tied to it. I barely recognized the person as Jo. Her face had been beaten and bruised, she was barely recognizable. I couldn't breathe. I felt like there was no air surrounding me. If there wasn't a pool of blood forming below Jo I would have probably ran to Cat first. I probably would have killed her with my bare hands. I would have wrapped my fingers around her throat and tightened my grip until I heard her begging and gasping for air in her lungs. Because that's how I felt at that moment. I felt like there was no air in my lungs, my oxygen had been cut off. But I couldn't do that. My eyes were on Jo and the pool of blood below her that was rapidly growing.

I screamed Jo's name hoping she would be conscious, hoping she would look up and tell me that she's okay even though I knew she wasn't. I tuned out all the noises surrounding me. I ignored the team protesting as I ran toward her side, I ignored the fact that Cat was still armed and could potentially kill me. I ignored everything because Jo was the only thing I cared about. Everything around me felt like it was in slow motion. Everyone surrounding me became a blurred figure and their voices were all tuned out. My only focus was on Jo. I ran right past Cat Adams almost completely ignoring her presence. Almost. I shot a single glance towards her face, she revealed a growing smirk as she watched me run towards Jo. She was enjoying this.

I crouched down next to Jo, next to the chair that was so familiar. My hands hesitated to touch her wound, to see where the bullet had hit. I was afraid that touching her would break her. I was afraid that anything I could do would only make things worse. I tried to put pressure on her wound but the blood wouldn't stop. It just wouldn't stop. I was crouching with my hands pressed firmly on her shoulder while I repeated her name in a whisper. I knew she was unconscious but I kept saying her name as if she would just wake up and respond. I glanced down at my hands that were pressed on her wound and saw nothing but red. My shoes began to fill with the blood that just kept leaving her body. The pool of blood kept growing and I felt like I was drowning in it. Why won't it stop.

I stared at her face, examining each cut and bruise.Time seemed to slow and my mind couldn't fathom the situation. She was dying. This was my fault and I'll never forgive myself.

I was snapped out of my daze by Emily. I felt a hand touch my shoulder and everything became real again. Emily's lips were moving and words were being spoken to me, but I couldn't process them. I was dragged away from Jo and stood up facing Emily. She started to shake me with both hands on my shoulder until I snapped out of the daze I was in. That's when I heard all the voices at once, the sirens, the FBI agents shouting, Cat Adams protesting the handcuffs. I heard Morgan calling for paramedics. I glanced behind me at Jo and saw he was crouched down next to her on the other side of the chair putting pressure on her wound, I hadn't even noticed when he got here. His face revealed an emotion I've never seen in him before. A mix of anger and sadness surged through him and I could tell he was hurting like I was.

"T-Theres blood on my hands," I whispered to Emily still in shock, not being able to say anything else.

Her brows furrowed in concern knowing that the blood on my hands was the least of my worries but it was the only thing I could get myself to say. Her eyes glanced down at my bloody hands and she didn't say anything. Instead, she embraced me in a tight hug. I stood there not moving, not hugging her back because my body wouldn't let me. I appreciated the gesture but I couldn't get myself to hug her back.

"She'll be okay. She'll be okay." Emily repeated in a whisper. I could tell that she was not only trying to assure me but trying to assure herself as well. She seemed to be just as broken as I was at this moment. Jo is our family and the BAU is her family. We can't lose her.

I turned back around to where Jo was after Emily let go of me. She was now laying on the ground with two paramedics by her side.

That image will forever be engraved in my mind. The image of Jo on the cold ground laying in her own blood. I don't know what I'll do if she dies. I don't know how I'll cope. Emily better be right, she better be okay. We can't lose her. I can't lose her. 

a/n: 

hey hey hey please don't be mad at me! i know i know i haven't updated in so long im so sorry and this chapter is also kind of shitty.

something came up a few weeks ago and then things kind of went to shit in my life so i couldn't really write. i honestly don't know when i'll update next but hopefully it's soon. again, im so so sorry it's unfair to make you guys wait and not let you know when im updating next but i just have a lot going on.

thank you so much to everyone who's reading this story and voting you don't even know how much it means to me. i love you guys so much im so sorry for being inactive for so long! 

also happy valentines day!