Terrified •all american•

Chapter 32: Stakes Are High

(Question of the day, who will Pheonixs stuck point be?)

"Darnell, I know it sucks, but chris will get in his head and you'll start soon enough," I told him.

Me and him are chilling in slausons. I've been avoiding Preach. I didnt give him the time of day the other day. Sure I'm glad hes out, but it hurts. This man let me believe my father left. That he didnt love me.

And he was there the whole time. And that hurts. Darnell is the only one I've told, he one of the last people I have left. Jordan's top busy with simone drama to listen, liv has her own issues, me and asher...well it's not good, and I cant look at Spencer. I love JJ but this isnt a JJ conversation. All I have left is darnell.

"If I give my best effort and show at this cleanup our feild shit. You gotta drive home tonight to see preach."

"Deal," I said sighing.

I picked up my vodka hydroflask and took a few sips as darnell collected his things. He gave me a side hug before leaving. After getting a bit tipsy I stumbled into my car and drove to Preachs house. I promised darnell so here I am.

"Pheonix, are you drunk?" Preach asked putting an arm around me.

"No. I'm not," I slurred slightly.

"Why were you driving," he scolded and grabbed my keys,"you have a competition tomorrow. "

"Fuck you!" I screamed,"you don't get to play the dad card now! You are seventeen years to late."

"Pheonix, please let me explain-"

"Explain what. I grew up thinking no one could ever love me becuase my dad didn't. I made to live in a house with gangbangers, my life constantly in danger becuase I had no where else to go when brandon died. Where were you then!" I yelled.

I don't know if I was mad or sad but either way I was getting all of it out and he let me.

"I learned to drive. I started gymnastics and became damn good at it. Who paid for those lessons? Shawn did! I did! Where were you! Where were you as my dad when I needed you the most!" I yelled tears falling,"I thought I had no family left when shawn died. You let me believe that. And you know what's the most fucked up part?"

"What?" He asked softly.

"I didn't find out from you. I find out from my rapist sister," I said coldly.

"I'm sorry I never told you," he whispered.

"Why? Was I not good enough to be your daughter?" I asked him.

"No. It was never that. I didnt feel deserving enough to be your father. I was eighteen years old when it happened. I got blackout drunk and one thing led to another and your mom was pregnant with twins. We both thought it would be best if I said nothing. So I was okay being uncle Preach if it meant seeing your grow up," he told me.

"I needed more then an uncle," I told him and reached for my keys.

"I cant let your drive like this. Your crying and drunk. I'll drive you tomorrow, " he told me.

I stormed past him and went to my room. The rational part of my brain was screaming at me. He was a stupid teenager doing the best he could. But I was still mad and hurt and drunk and I didnt care what I said.

I fell asleep hoping when I woke hed be gone. Well the irrational part of me wanted him gone. There was a small part of me that hoped hed have pancakes from slausons when I woke up the next morning.

Time skip - next day

"I know your mad. And you have right to ne. But I have pancakes on the table. Your keys were next to them," preach told me.

I nodded my head and whispered thank you. He turned to leave but stopped.

"I want to be your dad Nix. When your ready for that, no matter how long it takes, I want you to know I will be honored to have the title of your dad."

He left the room and I changed into leotard. I had my first floor routine of the year and I'm ready to prove why I'm the best there is. I walked out and at the slausons pancakes. Preach had left to give me space. Beside my plate was an aspirin for the hangover, my keys, and water. I smiling slightly and took my medicine.

Once I was done eating I left to my competition. Me and my coach went over my floor routine one more time and he had me go out. When my music first started I was on top of the world, killing every move. Then half way through I kept getting stomach pains. Maybe even ghost pains. But it was enough to make me fall on my face in a flip becuase my stomach hurt to much to bend. I stood up and sloppily finished my routine, but it was ugly.

When I finished I wouldnt meet anyone's eyes. I walked to my bag and started to drink. I wanted to ignore the judging looks and forget that routine even happened. I also wanted my stomach to quit hurting.

"Is it your stomach?" My coach asked and I nodded my head.

"I'm sorry."

"Let me get a medic."

When the medic checked me out he told me nothing was wrong. I knew it had to be wrong. When we found out I obviously didnt place I left and went to watch darnells game. I sat in the stands to next to leila.

"Can we talk?" She asked me.

"Sure. What's up?" I asked trying to be civil.

"I know you and Spencer are still dealing with issues from your injuries," she told me,"but what if they arent physical."

"They feel physical," I replied sarcastically.

"Mental issues do that. I found some really good sports therapist, if you wanted to go, I have a number."

"Thank you leila,"I told her genuinely,"some therapy probably wont kill me."

"Heres the girls number," she seemed really happy that I reacted well.

As I looked at her now i see how much shes changed in a year. This leila is much more easier to stand then the old one.

Halfway through Darnell went into the game and I started to cheer loudly for him. Leila laughed at me as I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"So you chose darnell?" she asked me.

"I chose to keep him as a freind," I told her,"its the only decision I could make."

"Do I have to worry about you taking my man?" She asked sarcastically.

"Nah," I laughed,"not at the moment anyways."

We finished watching the game only to see them lose by a kick. Spencer stayed back with Leila and me and darnell walked home.

"You played amazing. You showed why you should be QB1," I told the dark skinned boy next to me.

"How'd your competition go?" He asked me.

"My routine was like that last kick," I told him.

"Damn. That bad?" He asked laughing.

"Darnell. How am I going to tell everyone what happened?" I asked him.

"You dont ever have to. What happened in vegas can stay there."

"Then I will forever feel guilty for it. It's a tough decision."

"you have to think. What is the best thing for you, I'll be here no matter what you choose."

"Thanks, Nell," I said leaning into him.

"Anytime, Nix."

We were walking in comfortable silence until we saw the soldiers. I gripped his hand hard as they approached us.

"Are you darnell hayes?" Then man asked darnell.

"Yes sir. What's wrong?" He asked, panic going through his eyes.

"Its your mom. Shes been hurt real bad, son," the man told him.

I knew everything was about to change. I brought darnell into a hug and he accepted it. He was too shocked to cry, but wouldn't let go of me. He may be about to lose another parents, and that isnt okay.

Then it hit me. What would I do if Preach died right now and the last conversation we had was our argument.