Chapter 7: The Funeral

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(Thank you to CCLit3 for voting)

I'm not going to lie, I have not been doing good since Shawn's death. I wake up every night with nightmares. Every loud crash sends me into a panic attack. Worst of all, I feel really alone.

I've been going to cheer and I've kept up, but it's hard. Hell, i remember when we were little. He never wanted this life, but brandon did.

Spencer and coop have been taking it hard aswell. It's been hard for me and Spence to be happy about the awards we won when if feels like our life crashed around us.

"Hey. Tomorrow a man is coming to interview you," my coach told me.

"Okay. I dont know if I can make the awards thing," I told her.

"Why?"

"Shawn's funeral. I'm sorry but that's more important than this award," I told her.

"Cheer awards are first. You will be able to except it and make it on time," she told me.

"Okay. Do I have to give a speech?"

"Yes," she told me.

"Damn.  Okay," I told her.

I walked to watch the end of football practice so jordan could take me home. As I was walking through the halls I heard a crash, causing me to fall to the ground. I stayed against the lockers as tears poured from my eyes.

"Your okay," I whispered rocking back and forth.

After I managed to calm down I walked to the practice. I saw jordan waiting for me in the stands. We walked to his car in silence.

"How are you doing?" He asked me.

"I'm fine," I said to him.

"Are you lying?" He asked me.

"No. No I'm all good," I said to him.

I went up to my room as soon as we got home. I havent really talked to anyone since it happened. Only jordan and its becuase he takes me to school and picked me up.

That night I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling. I was fighting to stay awake. Sadly I lost that fight.

I resaw it in my dreams. His happy face that was cut off with bullets. Him bleeding out on the ground.

"I love you, Bitch."

"I love you asshole."

His smile that was cut short by death.

"No!" I screamed waking up in a cold sweat.

I looking in the doorway to see spencer. I was trying to control my breathing as he walked over.

"Shawn?" He asked sitting next to me.

I didnt answer, just nodded my head. I was struggling to catch my breath. Spencer put his arm around me and we leaned against the headboard.

"Stay with me?" I asked him quietly.

"I'm not leaving," he told me.

I never did fall back asleep. I was to scared to fall back asleep.

The next day I put on a pair of leggings and hoodie. I went to school and was preparing for my interview after school.

Mom
Maya emergency.  Come right after school.

"Damn it," I mumbled and went to coaches office.

"Theres an emergency with my niece. I have to go," I told her.

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