LEILA {ongoing}

25.

**TW: Mention of assault**

Here's the thing. I've never been kissed.

Like, properly kissed, with someone that I wanted to kiss back, that wasn't forced or a quick peck on the lips when you'd play kiss & catch in primary school. Which, thinking back, is a terrible game for primary schoolers to be playing.

I'm not a virgin and I've never been really kissed. That thought drags my soul down every single time it flutters through my mind. Add that on top of all my fears, insecurities and diagnosed trauma, you have a girl that high tails it outa there in any 'romantic' situation.

To be fair, that's the first time I have thought that a boy might kiss me and it's definitely the first time I've fallen asleep while sitting in a boys lap. 15 year old me, wasn't really interested in the whole hooking up with boys thing like my friends, and if I was a bit apprehensive before I was assaulted, it all came to a speeding halt afterwards.

Having a week away from school was just what I needed. A kind of reset.

The time off with my parents was delightful. It was like we were on holidays. Yes, I understand that this whole week is a literal holiday, but since arriving in the US we haven't spent much time as a family exploring our new home and that's exactly what we did. We played tourists and I loved every minute of it.

We went for walks around the city and parks. Visited local restaurants and browsed a few stores that I had wanted to visit with dad. In particular, the record stores. Dad was all about the Vinyl. Mum and I got in some shopping time and I bought myself something new for the Dance next week.

By the time Thanksgiving arrived I was happy to spend the day at home. It also helped that Dad was in full Thanksgiving mode. He had been prepping a few dishes through the week and even proudly rocked an apron with turkey's printed all over it. So adorable.

He was so excited to have mum and I here on his home turf, experiencing a family holiday that he clearly loved. He even made us prepare a list of things we were thankful for. Did I mention how adorable my father is. I love him with every fibre of my being.

The whole day, Mum and I had those smiles where you can't help but enjoy another persons excitement even though you don't really care about the thing they are clearly excited about. You're excited for them and that's all that matters.

Sprawled out on my bed, lay stomach, I'm face timing Kelly and Stacey on Saturday night, their Sunday morning, when my Zelda fairy message tone goes off.

Kelly's brows perked up. ''Who's that, chicki?''

Both of them were at Stacey's place, lying on her bed like the three of us used to while they would tell me about their days at school and what boys they were playing. I definitely lived vicariously through them while I was homeschooled.

''No one. Anyway, tell me more about Toby. Is this like a thing thing or ju-"

Stacey squeals. ''Oh my God, Kel. It's a boy!''

"Fuck, you're right!" Kelly agrees, her grin sinister.

Rolling my eyes. "How do you figure that my loves?" Shifting onto onto my back, I hold the phone above my head acting all nonchalant.

"No way would you ask about one of Kel's male delights if you didn't want to share WHO it was that messaged you and the only reason you wouldn't share is if it was a boy... I'm right, aren't I!"

"...possibly." Shoving my phone under my pillow I wait for their squeals to die down.

"Ya done?" My grin starts creeping across my face as I look at my two best friends who are wearing the same mischievous smiles. "It was just Elijah... Hang on I'll read it out to you so you both can calm your farms."