A Court of Shorts and Storys

Changes

I am in  a bit of a writers slump right now ... I'm not happy with anything I write. So I have gone through my old notes with headcanons that I gave up on. This one was  about Mor from the start (maybe I will write the original later) But I changed it to be about Feyre and how she feels doubts about her body after she got Nyx.

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The one year old was sound asleep behind her, resting after a day of playing around. Nyx had just learned how to walk, and was doing all he could to do it without help. But now, he was asleep and Feyre could focus on the task ahead of her.

One year ago, she had been standing on that balcony, watching the stars, hoping that everything would turn out alright. Two weeks later, she was at death door. After that... The nights filed of screams, nightmares, fear. Feyre shivered where she was standing. Then came the autumn, Nyx had learned how to crawl, then stand, how to sleep on his side to move the wings out of the way. He had started to eat soft foods... She never missed the fear, but she missed the days where she could just hold him for hour on end, the days where he was so dependent on her that she never needed to leave the room. Just her and her son.

Rhys had been there all of the way, helped, supported and been comforting when needed. But there was one thing Feyre had yet to do.

It was one year ago now she had made a public appearance. A year since she had gone to any meeting, of any kind. Not even on Wintersolctise did she make an aperens. Not here, not in Hewn City. But when Feyre asked herself why, she had no real answer. Maybe she was just anxious over leavening Nyx, but that didn't explain the fact that she had not returned to her studio with him. Feyre sighed and opened her closet, hoping to find what dress to where on this night. This starfall.

She found her favorite dress, the diamond embroidered fabric and right fitted form from the first starfall she was here. From that first Solstice... She took it out and held it up, seeing how it moved. Then she put it back in the closet. It was too small for her now. Even with the los of the extra weight during those first months with Nyx, her body had changed a lot. And after Nyx learned how to sleep, she had started to gain some weight again. She had avoided training too, claiming that she was still too tired to do it. But a different voice said something different in the back of her mind. She picked out a different dress, and almost gasped when she saw which one it was.

The two lose thing pices of fabrick, and the belt looked more revealing now then she had ever thought them to be. It was the dress she had worn in Hewn City on Solstice. Then she had been prod of her body, now... She placed the dress back. Shaking her head. If she had anything close to this on her now...

The third dress was one of her newer ones, not one from Rhys mother, but one she had ordered this past autumn. Dark Blue at the neckline, to black at the hem. Layers upon layers in the skirt. Some with stones that made it sparkle like the night sky, some just plain. Making it feel like she wore the night sky. The bodies had a wide neckline attached to the arms, this part had been left plain, no real decorating needed. But the most important thing for her was the back. Instead of the hidden buttons moste of her dresses had, it was lacing, allowing her to tighten it and loosen it at will. She undressed and got ready for the night.

For a moment she stoped as the mirror showed her her body. The red scar that now decorated her stomach clearly visible, and the lose skin just above it. Feyre looked away, seeing Nyx in his bed. Her loving son.

She knew Rhys loved her, he adored her in more ways then Feyre could count. But she could not love the imagine the mirror showed her. She had tried and tried. And in that moment she accepted the reason to why she had stayed away from the public eye for a year.

They all expected to she the Cursebreaker, there High Lady. And right now, she did not look or feel like that. The tattoo with her promise to her court burned on her hand. She changed back to her everyday clothes, standing there in her room looking at the dress on her bed. Trying to muster the courage to put it on.

"Feyre Darling?" Rhys whispered as he entered the room, already dressed and ready. "What is wrong?"

"Maybe it is better if I staw inside?" Feyre asked. "Nyx might wake up..."

"What is really going on?" Rhys took her hand in his. "I could feel your distress over the bond. So don't lie."

"I don't know..." Feyre lend her head against his chest. "I just don't feel... Ready..."

"For what?" He asked holding her close.

"To be seen, to be out there." She trembled. "I have just changed so much, since last year..."

"They miss you, they miss the defender of the Rainbow, there High Lady, the one who fought for them. Have you changed? Yes, but so have I." he whispered.

"It just feels so daunting, so big..."

"You don't need to dress up, you can go like this." He placed a kiss on her head. "We don't always need to be so fancy..."

"Says the one who have twenty difrent suites." Feyre whispered back with a laugh.

"Only twenty that you have seen..." Rhys raised her chin. "You are loved, and beautiful. And more, you are strong." He moved his hand and the first dress came from the closet.

"It is to small..." Feyre started.

"Sure?" He asked and lifted it up. "Try it on again."

Feyre put it on, and gasped as the dress fitted her. Sure, her stomach was more prominent now then before, but it still fit.

"How?" She asked. Not believing what she saw.

"I did noting." Rhys told her.

"It was to small..." Feyre argued back.

"No..." Rhys moved her around to face the mirror. "Sometimes you don't see things like they are." He whispered.

"But..." Her voice trembled. She was beautiful. Behind them Nyx moved and let out a sound. Feyre walked away from Rhys to her son. Lifting him up to comfort him.

"If you still want to stay, it is okey." She heard his voice say behind him.

"I need to change..." Feyre said and placed Nyx in his arm. "I am not ready for this dress yet..." She put on the dark blue and black dress, tightening the lacing in the back. Her hair was left free.

"You are beautiful." Rhys told her again. "Truly stunning."

"Is he sleeping?" she only asked back looking down at Nyx.

"Yes... But next year he might be awake for this night." Rhys placed him back. "Are you ready my Darling?"

"Yes, I am ready."

Hand in hand the High Lord and High Lady of the Night Court left there home, walking out to face there Court on the Night of Starfall. And their people cheered as they saw there High Lady.

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Last week I was out traveling and visiting some of my friends for the first time in almost two years !!! Had prepared three headline ads for several weeks for it. Be so happy with the three of them. Then came this one and it is so bad! (in my opinion ...) 

I hope you appreciate it anyway. 

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/Mymymoon