Love You In My Mind // Sirius Black

Chapter 66

"Focus, Tygris," snapped Moody.
Like yesterday, were working on our wandless magic and I couldn't focus at all, which Moody obviously noticed.

While everyone's wand flied through the room occasionally, Moody had instructed me to try it non-verbally, and that didn't work at all. Ever since yesterday, my mind had been running highwire. I definitely couldn't concentrate on wandless magic. Even if it had been a simpler branch of magic, I doubted that I would've managed to do it.

Marlene nudged my side, and my attention snapped back to the man with the magical eye and a very scarred face.

"Sorry," I said, shaking my head in hopes that it would help clear my mind. "I'm... Just a little distracted."

"Well, don't be." Moody held his hands behind his back and turned away from me, not before giving me a disapproving glance, though. "A Death Eater won't care why they've managed to kill you so easily, too."

I sighed when he went away. Just great. I'd forgotten how much Moody's disappointment hurt. I was a proud person, okay?

And he hadn't exactly helped with his mention of Death Eaters. For the whole day, all I'd been thinking about was how to manage and detect Dark Magic filled artifacts, and whether I'd done the right thing in trusting a Death Eater. Would Aurors ever learn about Horcruxes, and would it bee too risky to ask about them? Those weren't your usual information you'd find in a public library.

"He's got a point, you know?" Marlene frowned at me. "What is it with you today?"
I stared at her, opening my mouth to answer before I realised that I didn't know what to reply. I'd promised to keep quiet, and if Regulus was right, I'd endanger her if I didn't.

So I closed my mouth again, only to shrug and answer anyway. "Dunno, I'm sorry. Bad day."

"Accio." Marlene caught her wand and faced me again. "Oh. I'd offer to hang out with you after the lessons, but I promised Lily, Dorcas and Alice that I'd hang out with them again. You might come al-"

"No, no!" I interrupted hastily. "I don't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't," Marls interjected.

"Even so, no thanks. I appreciate it, but I think I want to stay at home today."

Marlene studied my face for a little longer, but then gave me a faint smile, nodding.
While she was walking across the room to lay her wand back down, I took a deep breath, closing my eyes briefly.
It felt weird to not tell my best friend something as important as this. I couldn't shake the nagging guilt off of me.

You can do this. After all, it's just one lie more on your massive pile of lies, it won't do much difference.

Yeah, I had to improve my motivational skills.

"You know what?" Marlene had returned and I quickly focused on her. "Just go back to verbal wandless magic for now. You won't be able to fulfill your potential when you're already exhausted, and it won't do much if you just strain yourself."

"Moody is gonna be pissed, though," I mumbled, carefully eyeing our short tempered teacher. He wasn't paying attention to us (not with his normal eye, at least).

"So?" Marlene put a hand on my shoulder, holding me in a side hug. "Stop yearning for other people's approval, you don't have to do that! You have to take a step back, and that moody paranoid has to accept that. This is training, after all."

Oh, sweet, sweet Marlene. Always managing to put a smile on my face.

"Okay." And although it took a while for me to get into the verbal wandless magic, too, Marlene just kept encouraging me.