Harper's Rules 1 & 2

Chapter 12: Harper

"Harper, please," Dad's firm voice begged me through my locked dorm room door. "We need to talk about this."

Two days after I'd returned to my room, I maintained the same silent treatment I'd greeted Dad with, right before I'd slammed and locked the door in his face. After my initial freak out moment with Jake, then the subsequently awful conversation with Mom, I curled inward.

Physically, I tucked myself into a fetal position under my bed covers. Emotionally, other than I was still embarrassed that Jake witnessed both of those un-Harperlike moments, I'd withdrawn into a constant state of numbness.

How long did Dad know she was coming here? How much has he known for the last ten fucking years?

None of me trusted my self-centered mother and my brain met her accusations about Dad cheating on her with a hardened sense of denial because I couldn't picture Dad like that. He'd never portrayed my womb donor as anything she wasn't, but he'd never been malicious about her.

Yet, he'd also spoken to her at some point, behind my back. I wasn't sure if her surprised arrival, her accusations, telling me about my brother, or Dad lying hurt me more. My relationship with Dad was built on trust and, within one confrontation, that foundation had been rattled.

My heart was another story. The ice crystals in my heart felt shattered and obliterated into too many pieces. Not even Jake's voice on the other side of my dorm room door had coaxed me out of bed, where I'd laid as a pathetic, sniveling mess.

A soft click of the door broke through the silence that surrounded me from where I sat on my awfully uncomfortable desk chair. My knees curled up to my chest, ugly tears streamed down my chest, and my throat choked with violent sobs.

Two days had passed since I'd spoken to her, then redirected my initially gut-wrenched reaction to her, combined it with my embarrassment that Jake had witnessed it, and spewed out verbal bullshit at Jake. During that time, my eyes had leaked more tears than the reservoir water held back by the Hoover Dam. I was torn up, raw, and broken. My face was swollen, red, blotchy, and gray circles outlined my dull, sunken-in eyes. Fatigue sagged my limbs and my stomach felt hallowed and carved out.

"Harper?" Li's soft voice squeaked out, followed by dead silence and three pairs of shuffled footsteps. "Your dad is - oh, you're still not feeling well."

Dad's cleared throat sound was followed by his steady voice. "Li, can we have a few minutes?"

"Sure, I'll just get some... lunch." Her dark eyes lowered to mine, then she knelt down next to me and blinked up a few times. One of her small hands patted my left knee. "Text me when I can come back? No, don't. I'll just... Come back before your class. Give me a minute."

Poor Li was understandably confused because I'd uncharacteristically taken up residence in my bed for two days straight and told her I hadn't felt well. She only ever looked at me sympathetically but thankfully never pressed me for more. Not that I'd been productive but she had woken me up and I hauled my ass out for class, in my braless, pajama-covered, and messy-hair glory, then came straight back here.

With a kindness I didn't deserve, Li had also brought me a couple of dinner to-go boxes at mealtimes. I appreciated her kindness but even the smell of food coiled my stomach with nausea. So, every time, I thanked her politely and discarded them in the hallway trash can when she wasn't here.

My lips rolled inward but the sobs that choked back my voice led my only response to a few stiff head nods.

"Okay," she whispered softly and warmly rubbed my knee.

Her softly rustled movements carried the weight of the room, as she gathered what I assumed were items that meant she slept at Kieran's tonight. "I hope everything is okay," she softly whispered before she left with another door click.