A Little More Of Love.

Chapter 15: We Have No Hope

♡ L I L Y ♡

The next morning is proof that harsh winter has arrived. It's misty and cold and foggy. When the fog gradually disappears, everyone goes to work in warm coats, jackets, and scarves wrapped around their necks with hot tea or coffee in their tumblers or whatnot.

It is a simple morning — not for me because I didn't sleep last night. I thought about Alastair and our kiss. I kept kicking the bed and groaning in embarrassment, and Ollie kept hissing at me. I got a shuteye at around five but woke up irritated an hour later. I made myself a hot tea. Not having time to sit comfortably by the window, I went to freshen up and got ready. I was out of the apartment at 8 o'clock. Now and then, I kept thinking and then groaning and reprimanding myself. 

I don't know what to do or what to say. I keep asking to treat things as they are, to be normal— right, I have to act normal.

Walking among millions of people—clearly an exaggeration—I have been muttering about acting and about being normal, pretending nothing happened last night. 

I cross the road and walk to the cafe's side. 

I mumble, "Yeah," I clench my fist and nod. "Just be normal. Okay! Be normal."

"Just smile and be nice as usual and—" I halt when I raise my gaze as it lands on a large billboard with his face.

I gasp and then look around with my anxiety kicking right back in.

"Nope! No can do."

I will call Linda for a day off and not leave my apartment.

I turn around to leave when somebody calls me, "Hey, Lily!"

I grit and look over when Raegan reaches me, "Hey, were you not going to the cafe? Where were you going?"

I take a deep breath and smile, "Oh, I was." I turn to face her and say for confirmation, "I was going to the cafe,"

Yeah, for who?

For Rae or you?

I fume at my inner self and then cough up, continuing, "But I realized that I forgot my phone in the apartment, so I was—" "You have it in your hand." the teenager interrupts me.

I blink, "Huh?"

Rae pouts and points down — I look and notice that I am holding my phone.

Uh-oh!

I have lost my mind.

I briefly shut my eyes and then flutter them open. I clap and awkwardly laugh. "Oh, indeed I do. Thank God I don't have to travel back to my apartment for it. Thank you for telling me, Rae." I pretend to be okay and normal and fake a smile. 

I grin, and my insides cringe at my acting. 

Yeah! 

Thank God I am not aspiring to be an actor.

Overlooking my awful acting, Rae nods and smiles back when I decide to change the topic, and my eyes begin to study her.

"So, why are you here? Don't you have school to go to?"

Rae replies as she lifts a brown bag for me to see, "Oh, I just came by to get something to eat. I had been craving some scones from last night, so I came here early to get some for my friends and me. So we're going to have them on the MET steps."

"Ooo, a classic Gossip Girl lunch, huh?" I tease.

Rae grins, "You bet!"

"Anyway, Zara is already for her shift, and Taylor stopped by," she tells me.