Despite Desire

Chapter 8: Ella

The day had gone so fast, one minutes I was crying in Chases arms and the next I was in the library receiving a text from my mom:

Mom: The appointment is made for today, at 17:30

Mom: Please be on time

I look up at the corner of my screen and see the time is 16:01.

I should be able to call my brother to drop me off.

Me: Hey, Lucas... do you mind dropping me off at the doctor?

I place my phone upside down and carry on with my work.

I carry on reading my book about star-crossed lovers who are werewolves. It is adorable so far.

Someone across the table drops their books hard, taking my attention away from the tension from the two main characters.

I look up to see Theo giving me a annoyed stare at me as he moves his chair out and sits on it. He moves his chair closer to the table, his eyes not leaving my figure.

I move my attention back to my book; I need to know if they finally kiss or if something else happens. In the book everyone else can see they like each other but themselves.

It is hard to concentrate on the book when I have eyes staring at me, I try to act unbothered but having someone cute is staring at me.

I try my best to carry on reading the book. To know if they finally kiss after 43 chapters in the book. It is a slow burn but I love the glances.

After a while of trying my best to read the book but I finally give up. I pick the book up and my phone. I get up from the chair and take my school bag on my shoulders. I turn my phone scream from looking at the book to be facing towards me.

I make my way out the library, struggling not to looking over at Theo. Trying my best to ignore his eyes on me while I exit.

As I walk through the doors, I look at my notifications.

Lucas: Sure, I will be waiting for you.

Lucas: Mom told me she can't make it to your appointment.

Lucas: Do you want me to accompany you?

Me: No, it is alright

Me: I should be alright by myself.

I should be alright by myself with the doctor. I can explain hopefully about my ADHD. 

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My leg bounces up and down uncontrollably. A lady across me gives me an ugly stare.

Women, some of us don't have so much control of our body when we are anxious, trying to concentrate, when we are excited etc.

I just need to breathe, I am anxious.

I will be alright.

I move my hands to be under my thighs, trying my best to stop my leg from moving uncontrollably.

My ankle jumps up and down, the ball of my feet keeping moving my leg. My knee keeps hitting the front of the chair.

"Ms. Ella Lovells," a doctor walks out of the room with a small beige fill in her hand.

I get up from the seat and answer, "Here."

"Come in," she says, walking into her doctor office and holding the door for me.

I walk through the door and into her office, the office looks spacious.

"Please, take a seat," she says pointing at the patients sit on the other side of the desk.

I smile and make my way to the chairs. I take a seat on the first seat. The doctor takes a seat behind her desk. She opens the file which was in her hand but is now on the mahogany table.

"So, on your file it says you have ADHD," she looks up at me. I nod at her, she carries on, "What medication where you on?"

"I took Ritalin," I move my right leg to go over my left leg. My right leg starts playing with my left leg, gently hitting it.

"Okay... but it says here your appetite was supressed and that lead too..." she starts reminding me about the mistake.

"Yes," I quickly cut her off, not wanting to remember what happened. How many times I fought with my parents and now I can't even talk to my dad.

"I want to put you on a different medication, it has the same chemical structure as Ritalin, but it shouldn't supress your appetite and the addictiveness part of the drug has been removed," she says, I nod my head.

She takes out a small notepad, giving me time to take her in. She has dirty blond hair. On her right hand, her middle and index fingers, the nails seem to have been moved, it must have moved from all the writing she did while studying and being a doctor. I wonder if it is painful. On her left hand she has a Nazar bracelet, similar to mine but hers is black whereas mine is a dark blue. On her desk, to my left she has a computer and on my right she ahs a stack of files. The files must be the patients she has today. She has a black pen holder which is in front of her computer screen, her computer keyboard is slanted up towards her.

"I want you to try this new medication, compared to what happened the last time," she looks up from the notepad, she leaves the back of her pen to be pointing towards the medical bed she has on my right.

The last time when I was on Concerta. The pain of what happened comes back, I try to push the old feelings aside and listen to the doctor.

"I want to see you in the next six weeks, to see if there is a difference and if you do not mind asking someone to monitor you, I would also like a family member to give me feedback on the medication," she smiles at me as she tears the top piece of paper she wrote on off the rest of the notepad.

"Thank you," I give her an appreciative smile, taking the paper from her hand.

"I am hoping the next time I see you, you can also bring the family member," she swings her chair to be facing to the right and gets off her chair.

"Thank you, I will try to make a time, they can accompany me," I stand up from the chair. She walks towards the door, and I follow her.

She opens the door, "Thank you. I hope to see you again soon."

"Thank you so much," I say leaving her room with my phone in my pocket and the medical script in my hand.

I look up to see a familiar face, "Ella."

Mr Whitemane standing up from the patient waiting chairs. I hide the script behind my back.

"Mr. Whitemane, how are you," I say, he steps forwards and gives me a one-sided hug.

He and my father were really close, he would sometimes visit my family- more like my father.

"Are you alright?" he questions, stepping away from the awkward one-sided hug. He raises his brow at me coming out the doctor's room.

"Yes, I am alright. How about yourself?" I try my best to be polite.

"I am good, just coming to get my checkup results," he says. Before he goes closer to the doctor's room.

"I hope it goes well," I say before he smiles and enters the doctor's room.

That was awkward, I think as I make my way to the exit of the medical centre.

It felt so weird seeing Mr Whitemane without my father, normally they were always together when I saw him. It is like another hit from reality that my father isn't here, and he isn't coming back. That the plans my father and I had made won't come completely true because he won't be there.