Despite Desire

Chapter 15: Theo

Yesterday, I never got to invite Ella to the new moon. I need to do it soon, because I do not want the invite to be too late where she declines because she already has plans.

I want her to feel like she has my attention, so I can find out why when I am with her, I feel the way I do and how she can read me. How she makes me become cautious about my surroundings and who is by her and me when she is around me.

I want to know why she makes me feel the way I do. I need to understand why or what magic she could possess.

I want to know everything about her.

I hate how I can not understand how I feel when it comes to her, the mix of emotions I have towards her.

I walk to my register class.

On my way towards my register class, I see Chase, Emma and Ella's brother, Daniel? Declan? Dylan? His name starts with a D. They are all talking.

I walk up to them, "What are we talking about?"

I try to play it cool.

"I surprise for Ella," Emma answers me.

"Why?" I ask, confused. I do not think its her birthday or else her brother shouldn't be here smiling- more like grinning but lowkey grinning.

"Ella hasn't been coping with her father's death that well," Chase informs me.

"She can't even look at a squash racket without tearing up," Ella's brother speaks.

"or think about him," Emma adds.

"I mean, would anyone here be alright, coping okay if they lost their father," I say, feeling the urge to argue why she feels the way she does. To defend her emotions. "No offense," I look at Ella's brother.

"She was closer to my father, than any of my other siblings where and none taken," Ella's brother says.

That is why yesterday, Ella felt the way she did. The closer you are to someone, the bigger the gap is when they leave.

I feel guilty for what I said yesterday. I need to apologize to her.

"I have to talk to my mother about the surprise first," Ella's brother informs Emma and Chase.

"I was going to invite her to the new moon celebration at my house. You guys can talk to," I look at Ella's brother, "your mom then." I look at Chase and Emma, "you guys can give her evidence and you can arrive later."

This way I get to know Ella and they can help her out.

I am not entirely a bad person.

"Do you want her number?" Emma and Ella's brother ask at the same time. They laugh at each other.

They have to be mates.

"Sure, but I was going to ask her today for the celebration," I inform them of my plans for later.

The all nod their heads at me. Chase grinning from ear to ear at me. Ella's brother looks at me with suspicion in his eyes before Emma pulls him away, like she is soothing his thoughts or trying to distract him.

"You know, you and Ella could be mates," Chase loudly whispers.

I shake my head, "The mate bond would have snapped in place."

"She isn't sixteen yet, just because you are born in January doesn't mean she is," He rolls his eyes at me, and his tone has a hint of annoyance in it.

"Yeah, but I doubt it," I roll my eyes at his suggestion.

"We will see on the fourteenth of February," he says as we walk towards register.

I look at him, my lips press together, my eyebrows crest. Why on Valentines Day?

"That's her birthday," he informs me.

I nod my head and my mouth forms an "O" with realisation.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ 

I walk into English. The last lesson for the day.

I wait behind my seat for the teacher to greet me. Ella walks into the class a little late and she seems to have puffy eyes.

Her eyes seem tired as if she hasn't sleep one bit. Is something bothering her? Keeping her up all night? I wonder why she looks liked she cried the whole night. Her smile might say she is happy but, in her eyes, her beautiful brown eyes you can see the hint of sombre in them. If you pay attention to her eyes. Her whole body and facial expressions might portray she is happy but deep inside, the hint in her eyes- she seems like something is hurting her, cause her pain, pain which cuts her deep and, in the hint, you can see her struggling to keep it together.

I hate knowing, I could be a possibility for her crying, hurting, make her heart ache, cause her distress.

Seeing her in pain, I have the longing to hurt anyone who caused her pain even if it is me.

My fits ball up tightly, my nails are going to leave marks if she keeps destroying my calm and composed self. My family and friends think I desire her but to be honest I despite the way she makes me feel. I can't handle not understanding my emotions towards her. It is frustrating.

Ella makes her way towards her desk- towards me. My fits relax a little bit, but they start becoming clammy.

Why does she destroy my calm, my understanding of emotions. She brings out the rage in me when I see her in pain, she makes me become cautious of our surroundings, she has to be someone sent to kill me. Kill the Alpha's son.

I need to figure out what is going on with me and Ella, why she decomposes me and makes me have conflicting emotions in her presence. Why is it when I hear she is not coping, I have the strong yearn to defend her and why I want to help her. Why is it when I hurt her the other day, I needed to run to get rid of the burning rage in me and my veins- a wrath I have never felt, it was scary. Like I had no control over the burning anger sitting in my chest.

Ella takes a seat by me. I nod at her, taking note of her presence by me.

I straighten my back and push my chia rout to show I have a good posture. Why I feel like showing off my posture? I have no idea.