LOVE OR ARRANGED ?

CHAPTER XXXVIII

ARUSH'S POV

"That day when you referred me as an orphan, that I don't know the responsibilities towards parents as I don't have them, it was as if my heart stopped beating for a moment, Arush. I really felt so helpless at that moment. In the heat of the moment, I wanted to shout on you, I wanted to say I am not an orphan and I have everyone, I have you; but not a single word came out of my mouth. Somewhere I knew that's the truth, Arush.

If I had them, I would have been probably more responsible. If I had them, I probably wouldn't have run for the child who was hurt and drop him in the orphanage he lives. If I had them, you wouldn't even shout at me like that Arush. Do trust me, I don't blame you for what happened that day. I know how worried you were for me. I know how much you love me, the way you ran to search for me, leaving what has been your goal all your life.

When I came to know how you have turned yourself into the angry person, who loses his cool very quickly, only because it was your coping mechanism to my parents' death, I once again started to blame myself Arush. I wish they were here, to soothe your pain. I realized that it isn't just me, but you too have changed so much with the loss of my parents. I realized that my stubborn nature has hurt you too indirectly as you equally suffered the pain emotionally.

I don't know how to stop feeling guilty for their death, Arush. I love them so much that it hurts. It scares me to love someone as I don't want to lose them. When my mom controlled her tears in pain, what is the point of me letting my tears out when I was responsible for everything Arush. When I read my parents' dairy, I understood how much they loved me and how their world revolved around me. I was so happy to know that you were their choice for me Arush. It somehow gave me peace that at least I did something of their choice without saying no to them.

There is so much going in my mind and heart, Arush. I just don't want anyone to carry this emotional baggage and I know I would breakdown if I ever talked about all this. When my Mamu always said that I am a replica of my mom in every single way, I couldn't understand it back then. But when I read the dairy, I see that's true. I wish my parents are here to see that I am no more that stubborn child. I really wish the last thing they remember of me is that I love them so much.

It hurts, Arush! I can't stop the pain. Please make the pain go away, Arush. I just can't take it anymore," saying this Aadhya broke down in my arms. I didn't speak anything and just held her tight, giving the support she needed. I let her vent out the years of pain in form of tears because those tears will make her move ahead in her life. The tears she held these many years, to assure everyone that she is strong enough to fight her battles, are now flowing uncontrollably.

Not a single tear of hers is showing me she is vulnerable; in fact, they are showing me how much she fought hard in the life. After about an hour, her sobs turned to soft whimpers. I grabbed the thermos flask beside me and made her to sit, though she was still leaning unto me, clutching my sweatshirt in her left fist. I managed to pour some warm water from the flask into the glass present on the coffee table and made her drink it.

Once she drank the water, she slowly raised her head to look at me with teary eyes. Her cheeks and nose became red from all the crying. I wiped the remnants of her tears on her cheeks and kissed her forehead. Picking her in bridal style and I took her into the room as it is getting even more cold outside.

I softly placed her on the bed and was about to go and adjust the room temperature, but she didn't leave her hold on my shirt. All the while she was clinging on to me, as if she is scared that I would just vanish, if she left me. I know that she wants me beside her and joined her in the bed, covering us both with the electric quilt. I sat stretching my legs and after a brief silence, I pull Aadhya more towards me, so that she is now almost straddling me.

I place my palms on her cheeks and make her look into my eyes. "I am not going to repeat this again ever, Love. So please always remember what I am going to say now! You are nowhere responsible for your parents' death and get it straight to your head. Whatever has happened is destiny and they were meant to leave us. The same destiny which bought us together again. They are at peace together, watching and always showering you with their love and blessings. They are not physically present with us but will forever stay in our hearts.

We are here for you. With you! You are never an orphan and never will be. I know I have said way too much that day in my anger, which I shouldn't have ever done, I will keep on begging for your forgiveness whenever I remember that day and regret that day forever. But all I want you to know is I love you so much. Whether you are my best friend Ayu or my Love Aadhya, it doesn't make any difference with the amount of love I hold for you.

I will keep proving my love till my last breath if that gives you an assurance that I love you no matter how you are; let it be the childhood bubbly Ayu or the matured Aadhya I see now. I will love and cherish every single version of you. You become chubby or thin; jovial or serious; hormonal and emotional during your periods or your pregnancy; I am going to shower you with all my love. You are my Queen and I adore and respect you for whatever decisions you make for us. In return I just need one thing, Love. All I want you to do is show me all your emotions. I don't want you to bottle your emotions anymore and just be open with me; I am not forcing you to be like that with everyone but no more giving me the plastic smile in any situations. I want the raw, pure and unfiltered emotions from you... Let it be anger, pain or love. Do you agree to do that?"

Aadhya slowly nods her head as yes, and I see tears lining up her eyes again, but there is also a smile on her face. "Not just nodding your head, Love; I want to hear words from your mouth! Only then I am going to believe it," I teased her. She didn't answer anything but slammed her lips on mine. I was taken aback by her sudden gesture but when I realized what she did just now, I return the same with equal fervor. I slid my left hand around her waist and pull her even more close to me, so that there is no space for air to pass between us while my right hand goes behind her nape, making the kiss even more passionate.

Her delicate fingers are running through my hair and sometimes softly fisting my hair, while our tongues were fight for dominance. I gave a slight squeeze to her waist with my left hand and a soft moan escaped her mouth, giving me a chance to explore her more. I slightly bit her lip when she tried to move back, and she squirmed at the intense kiss. We have pecked each other's lips or kissed on cheeks now and then, but this is our first official intimate and passionate kiss. After what felt like ages, we both pulled back to catch our breathes, while looking at each other.

Within just a few seconds, we again started kissing, this time taking it soft and slow. When she was trying to catch her breath, I moved towards her sweet spot below her ear and kissed her slightly. She started to moan at the contact of my lips and that only boosted me to make it intense. I kept biting and licking the spot and Aadhya turned into a moaning mess. I kept pulling her more towards me and she too equally kept pushing herself unto me. Her movements are giving me a boner and I groaned at that, finding it hard to control myself.

I stopped kissing her and joined our foreheads and said "Ahh fuck, Aadhya! Please stop moving, I am not able to control myself. Please," I literally begged her to stop squirming. The heat from her body is radiating through me and both of us were equally trying to control ourselves. I want her to tell me she loves me too before I take a further step. I softly placed her on the bed, pecking her lips softly and said, "I really want you Love, but not until you too have the same love for me. Give me just few minutes, I need to take a shower, will be right back."

When I returned from the shower, I see a very sleepy Aadhya, trying to keep herself awake. "You should have slept instead of waiting for me, love!" She looks startled at my voice and says, "I wanted to wait for you, Arush. I don't want you to think that I slept to avoid you because I regret the kiss." I slipped under the quilt and slept facing her and asked, "So, no regrets?" She blushes a little and says looking into my eyes, "Nope! No regrets. I absolutely loved it."

We hold each other and fall asleep in each other's embrace, crossing the barriers of the emotional baggage of our childhood, we held till now. She looked so refreshed and there is a different glow in her face as if a lot of weight has been lifted off her shoulders, after she cried her heart out. Maybe this comfort has let her take a step of initiation today.