Before She Even Knows

Chapter 11 - I'm sorry, I really am

I look at Noah standing in front of me and the one thing that's crossing my mind is that I barely got up and I feel like going back to bed.

I thought that not seeing him yesterday would make things easier when we actually had to see each other, but I was wrong.

I'm still mad at him and images of him kissing Hannah are still haunting me.

We just stay there, looking at each other for what feels like years, but I'm sure it's been only a few seconds.

I have zero intention to invite him in, so I cross my arms and don't bother being nice, because I know he won't be nice himself and just because it's Monday, that seems to be enough reason to be annoyed.

I know I promised Mads that I'd talk to him and try to sort whatever it is that happened, but I'm not ready to do it.

I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to talk to him without yelling at his pretty boy face.

''If you're looking for Madeleine, she's not here.''

I don't know why I refer to Mads by her full name around Noah. I think it's because he always calls her like that, so I feel the need to be as formal as he is.

Stupid, I know.

''Actually, I was looking for you.''

''Why?'' I can't hide the surprised look on my face.

Why on earth would he be looking for me?

''I want to apologize for what happened at the party.'' He's kidding, right?

''Which part exactly? The part that you said I'm needy, or when you said I flirt with everyone or even for what came next?''

I don't really want to talk about the kiss, but I had to mention it somehow for my own sanity's sake.

This boy gets on my nerves every time and I already feel all the anger coming back. I'm failing terribly at my promise to not let him get under my skin.

Great job, Emma.

Such a wonderful way to start the week.

He steps forward and blocks my way, getting closer than I expect, so I take a step back, afraid that his proximity will mess with my head, even more than it's already messing.

Being this close to him is too confusing for me to handle.

''I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for acting like an asshole.'' He takes a deep breath as if saying sorry is a real struggle for him.

I want to tell him to leave. I don't know why everything with him is so amplified. Normally, I would laugh at the situation or not really care about it, but with him, I go from zero to one hundred in seconds.

But then these blue eyes are staring right into mine and what can I do? For some reason, I don't find it in me to stay mad at him for very long, even if I should.

I stare out the window. If I look at him, I don't think I can continue to pretend to be indifferent to his presence.

''Great, I forgive you, can I go now?'' I finally look at him, but my indifference façade is replaced by an angry expression.

''Why are you being so rude? I came here to try to be friends, but it's impossible with you.''

Is he serious? Tell me he's not serious.

''What did you expect Noah? That we'd hold hands and become besties because you apologized?''

I take a step forward, in the most threatening way I can manage, which is not threatening at all.