Before She Even Knows

Chapter 33 - You deserve an explanation

I'm just looking at my tiny closet thinking what I should wear to meet my father. It's Saturday already and I woke up later than I should've, just because I was out until God knows when last night.

I still haven't heard from Noah and I didn't try to contact him after the message I sent, not even when I was drinking at Ryan's dorm.

It's not what you think though.

When I texted Ryan last night, he told me he was going to have friends over at his dorm instead of going to the party I knew Noah would be at.

Despite feeling sad because of the arguing with Noah, I actually had a good time. I had already met Ryan's friends before and there were a couple of girls too, so it wasn't awkward at all.

Mads was already back to the dorm and she wasn't happy that I was only back in the middle of the night. As I didn't answer any of her texts, so as soon as I walked through the door, I met her furious version.

"I was worried sick, Emma. Where the hell were you?"

"Sorry mom, I forgot I had a curfew." If there's one thing I know about myself is that when I drink, I get sarcastic and that's not good.

"Sorry for being your friend and for caring about you. Forget it, I'll go to bed."

Yeah, she was pissed and when I woke up she wasn't at the dorm. I honestly feel bad, it's not her fault that her best friend is an idiot, so I texted her saying how sorry I am.

I get why she's friends with everybody, the girl doesn't hold grudges. She texted me back in a few seconds saying that we're good. That's Mads. Too good for her own sake.

My mind then goes to Noah. I know he was at the party because she said she was with him.

What if he was with some girl? Just the thought is like a knife to my heart.

You know Mads would never let him do it, right?

Yeah, right. I guess.

I'm still trying to find an outfit for lunch, so I focus on my mission here. Now that I am really about to meet my father, I don't think I'm ready for it.

Damn, this is nerve wracking.

Noah was right, I should have found an excuse when I had the time, now my father is already in Boston and it's too late for bailing on it.

I could really use some support right now. The only person who knows all the details about my father is kind of avoiding me, so I'm freaking the hell out.

I'm trying to act like I don't care about Noah, but I really need him.

I finally decide to wear a pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt. I don't want to pretend to be someone else just to please my father, so I'll dress as I normally would.

I look at myself in the mirror, as I take a deep breath. I remind myself that I've been alone my entire life, so It's not a boy and a very short relationship that will make me feel miserable.

I leave the dorm, grabbing the small paper with the address I'm supposed to meet my father as I close the door behind me.

Ok Emma, you can do this.

As soon as I laid my eyes on him when I arrived at the restaurant, I felt awkward. Should we shake hands, or hug? Hell, definitely not hug.

He's in his perfect branded suit, of course, and he has bags under his eyes. He looks tired and... sad?

I've never seen him like this, but it's been a while that I don't see him, period, so I have no idea what's going on in his life.

Not that I care, but the look on his face is almost heartbreaking. Almost.