#14 :: An Office Romance

28.

April

The last month really has been horrible. They say you don't know what you got until it's gone and boy oh boy was they right! I never felt not half of the feelings I'm feeling when Connor left. I was hurt yes, but I was more angry than anything. But this? Is this what heartbreak feels like? Because I want no parts. I just wanted Reggie to give me a chance to explain everything but I guess him seeing Connor at my house was literally the last straw. I was so mad at Connor for that.
Even now he's trying but I really could care less. The only reason I'm even in communication with him is so he can sign these damn divorce papers. Had he done this all these years ago then none of this would have happened!

I look in the rear view mirror one last time and try to look somewhat happy. But truth be told a blind person could see I'm not. I've not even been going to work. Seeing him and seeing him ignore me I just couldn't deal with that. So I've been working from home. I feel bad because I've used my mum as my reason when she couldn't be better!

As I entered my room she starts.

"Oh here comes Moo..moody Margaret!"

I ignore her and sit on my usual chair I sit on.

"Don't come in here...ignoring me. You've been like this for..for weeks now! And every time I ask..ask you what's wrong you don't want to say. Just bring..bringing your negative energy here. At least if you're gonna be..be miserable in my presence you can tell me why."

You see... I hadn't told my mum, because I just knew what I'd get. But she was right. I was meant to come here and make her feel better and I can't when I'm in my feelings.

Maybe talking may help?

"You're right. I'm sorry... maybe talking to you may help. I just don't need you judging me okay?"

"Me? A thieving, alcoholic druggie? Judge? Ha!" My mum said.

I rolled my eyes. Hate when she would talk about herself like that.

"Well... Connor came to see me."

Mum stopped knitting.

"Oh..."

"At my workplace. To which Reggie was the one who came and told me my husband was outside..."

"Oh goodness me. April I t..tol..told you! I told you..you couldn't keep this a secret!"

"It wasn't that it was a secret. It was just nothing to talk about."

"April... you're married! Separated or not. You. Are. Married! You don't hide that! You sh..should have just told him..told him the truth. Now it looks like you hid it I'm assuming?"

"Yes! And I didn't! Connor really does not exist in my eyes. I see him as an ex and that's it. We don't go talking about our exs.. but because I'm titled as married I must talk about it? It's a part of my life I rather not talk on and prefer to forget!"

Connor was a sour topic for me.

"April are you for real? If... if Reggie was married and never told you.. and you found out by his... his wife coming to your workplace, would you be ha..happy?"

I rolled my eyes. This was exactly what I knew my mum would do.

"Mum..."

"No April. NO! I wa..warned you.. I did! I told you.. this would all come out. You.. you could have prevented all of this. But instead you cho..cho..ose to keep it secret. I hate secrets! It's what ruined our family! And here.. here you are.. ruining a good thing going. There's abs..absolutely NO reason why.. why you didn't tell Reggie. Okay.. so your marriage failed. You..you are not..not the only p..person with a f..failed marriage. You want to pretend to the world that.. that.. that..."

I noticed my mum was stuttering more with her words which was never a good thing.

"...that your life is perfect. Newsflash April! It's not. But it's not... it's not the worse. Now... you fucked it. I'm tired now April."

This was what my mum would say whenever she didn't want to talk no more. I could also tell she was getting frustrated. I tucked her into bed.

"You're right. You're right on everything. Thank you. I'm going to fix this. Love you mum." I said as I kissed her head.

I got in my car and burst into tears. I couldn't believe how I messed this up. My mum was right if the shoe was on the other foot I would be like a bull in a china shop. Why did I really think I didn't need to tell him? He shared his deepest secret with me and I never shared mine. Now I've lost him and it hurts. I tried to call his phone. Voicemail. I sighed.

I drove home in silence. Tomorrow was Monday. I'd still be working from home. When I have the strength I'll need to have a word with the team but until then, I'm a coward.

Once home, I bathed then got into bed.
I was woken by the sound of my phone ringing. I looked and saw it was Megan.

"Hey..." I said croaky.

"Hmmm.. 10am and you're still sleeping. You having a day off."

I jumped up.

"Oh my God! It's 10am? Megan I'm so sorry!"

"Oh don't worry girl! This is more a personal call than business."

"Oh.. okay. You okay?"

"I am... but are you?" She asked.

She knows?

"You heard?"

"Funnily enough as they see you as me, I now get the tea! That and when I called many times and you wasn't there I demanded they tell me why!"

"Oh... I've been working from home. This is the one day that I actually overslept."

"Again... not about business. How are you? Really? Husbands can be messy especially when you're separated. Trust me I know. And I also know Reggie... but I know he showed you a side no one else ever got to see. So lick ya wounds. But don't give up on what you truly want. Now... as your business partner. This is your last week working from home. The two of us can't be off. I'll be back in the office soon. Take some of the load off you. Keep ya head up April. That's why I've always liked you. You never let your personal consume you. Don't start now. Oop. Gotta go. Baby has woken up. Bye April." She said before coming off the phone.

I didn't even know what to take of that phone call. As the call ended my period app popped up reminding me I hadn't stored this months period duration. I guess it was time to stop avoiding the inevitable. 25 days late is not normal.

Three minutes really felt like forever. I looked at the stick and what do you know... Pregnant.

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