Beautifully Broken

Chapter 38

It was the day of the funeral. It would only be a small affair, just the James family, our friends, and Tyler's friends from home. Tyler's mom had been cremated, so there would be a small service and then Tyler planned on taking the ashes out to the ocean. That's what his Mom and he did with his Dad's ashes too, so Tyler was going to take Madi out on his board so they could say their own goodbyes.

I wish I could say that it didn't feel like he was pushing me away, but it did. The house itself had been quiet, sure Kara and Mason came over occasionally, but we would just watch tv or go for walks along the beach.

Tyler hardly spoke, he didn't entirely shut down, but it was different. He wanted me with him every night in his bed, but just for comfort and nothing else. I didn't mind so much, I just wanted to be there for him.

Tyler had asked everyone to wear something purple for the memorial, it was her favourite colour. So, I wore a black skirt and a purple blouse. Weaving my hair into a soft braid, I put on only the slightest amount of make up as I was sure to cry it off anyway. Grabbing my purse, I made my way downstairs to find everyone waiting, including Daniel, Caitlin, Shaun, and Natasha. Even Natasha's mom, Janice had come. I politely greet them before making my way to Kara and Mason.

"Is he ok?" Kara asked, her voice full of concern.

"I think so. As ok as you can be, I guess. He was still getting ready when I came down" I said, glancing at the time. It was 10.45 and the service was at 11.30, we needed to get going soon.

"Kay, we are going to head there now, do you want me to bring Ty down, or will you take care of it?" Daniel asked. I had been in contact with him and Caitlin as they were there when his Dad died and knew how he could be.

"You guys go ahead; he will ride with Harry and me. Don't worry, I'll make sure he is there. Mason do you guys want to get going too?" I suggested. Mason was going to drive Jason and Kara, where I was going with Harry and Tyler.

I organised everyone to get going before heading up to Tyler. Again, I found him just watching the ocean. He was dressed and ready to go, in black chino shorts and a pale purple button down shirt. Walking up to him, I snaked my arm around his waist.

"Babe, you ready to do this?" I asked.

"Not really" he said honestly.

"I don't think you can ever be ready, but I do know that you can do this. Everyone has left, so it's just Harry left downstairs. I thought that would be easier for you"

He turned to me, wrapping his arms around me, and pulling me in close.

"I couldn't do any of this without you. I know I've been a terrible boyfriend, but you are the only one keeping me grounded. Thank-you Kayla" he said.

"You don't need to thank me; I would do anything for you. I wish I could take away your pain, but I know I can't. All I can do is love you."

I said it before I even realised it had come out of my mouth, but I wouldn't take it back. I know the day of your boyfriends, mom's funeral is the wrong time to declare your love, but then maybe it's what he needs.

Tyler pulled back, looking at me in the eyes. He definitely didn't miss that small, minor, not even a proper 'I love you'.

"I love you too, Kayla" he said, kissing me softly. "Come, let's go" he said, taking my hand in his as we left the room. I tried not to smile too much given the occasion, but nothing felt better than hearing that he loves me.

The service was beautiful, incredibly sad but beautiful. 

Madi had clung to Tyler the whole time and it hurt my heart to see her so sad. Tyler gave the most precious eulogy, remembering the way she was before the drugs took over, the way they danced and had fun, he recalled the same memories he told me in the kitchen that day. 

We then played a slideshow of family photo's that I helped Mrs. James put together, to an acoustic version of Dancing Queen, because that is how Tyler wanted Madi to remember their mom. 

After the service, everyone paid their respects to Tyler and Madi one by one. I stood near them but didn't want to impose. Once that was done, it was requested that everyone leave to make their way to the wake.

We were holding a wake at the beach house; Mrs. James had arranged for it to be catered and all taken care of. We would watch from the beach as Tyler took Madi out beyond the break and scatter ashes, then we had arranged for purple balloons to be released in her honour.

Back at the house I helped Madi put on a purple swim costume that we had purchased for today. He burns were healed enough that she was now allowed into the water. Even if she wasn't, I think they would have defied doctors' orders for this moment. We all followed the siblings to the beach, Kara and Mason helping me to bring the balloons for everyone else down.

Harry was helping Tyler and Madi get the ashes out beyond the break. Tyler carried Madi, while Harry took the board and the urn. Once they were past the break, Tyler sat on his board and Harry helped Madi to then sit on it too in front of him. 

Harry then made his way back to the rest of us. I had asked Daniel to go to their old house and collect the mix CD that was in the CD player, Jason helping me to set it up so we could play that CD loudly on the beach. We encouraged everyone to dance, just like Tyler, Madi and their mom used to.

While the music was playing for them, we handed out the balloons. As we saw Tyler lift the urn and spread the ashes across the ocean, we all released our balloons. The site in front of us was beautiful as tears poured down our faces. Mrs. James stood by me, then swallowed me up in a hug.

"Thank-you Kayla, you made this day special, you never got to meet her, but I just know she would have loved you. She would have loved how happy you make Ty and how much Madi loves you. I was wrong about you two"

Her words made me cry again as I hugged her tightly. I just wanted this day to be about Tyler and Madi. Everyone else made their way into the house, while I waited for Tyler to help Madi into shore. I held out a towel for her as she ran towards me, wrapping her tightly I hugged her.

For the next few hours, Tyler hardly let me leave his side as all the guests wanted to talk and check on him at one point or another. That's why, later on when I went to look for him, I was shocked with what I found.

It had been about half an hour. I was talking with Mason and Kara when Kara pointed out that Tyler was no longer by my side. The crown had thinned out a bit by now, so I assumed he had just gone to say goodbye to some relatives. When an hour passed and there was still no sign of him, I thought I would check his room as that's usually where I would find him.

Walking upstairs, I knocked on his door. There was no answer. Slowly I pushed open the door, only to find an empty room. I was getting my phone out to try calling him instead when I noticed a note with my name on it on his side table.

Dear Kayla,

I had to get away for a bit by myself. I'm sorry I didn't tell you; I knew if I did you would insist on coming with me and I might not have the strength to say no.

I will be back in a week or two, I just need this time for me. I hope you can understand.

Thank-you from the bottom of my heart for everything you did to make today perfect, she would have loved it.

I promise to text you, so you know I'm ok.

I love you.

Ty.