𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐨𝐝𝐲 - 𝐌𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐦𝐢 𝐅𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐨

Chapter 43

Warning: the following chapter contains thematic content and elements that might not be suitable for everyone.

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I don't mind being in crowds
But I hate when they look at me..

Why are they so focused on me?

Do I look weird? Is my outfit funny or is my hair messy? Maybe they know I've checked six times if I have my keys with me, why? Why do I want to check on the phone when I just did?

Then I have to go to the store, what was I going to buy again? How can I forget it when I've been saying it over and over in my head, don't talk to me because I'll forget it later. Checking my pockets, yes; this is the eighth time I realized I have the money.

That person is staring at me.. Why? Do they know me? I can't recall their features, is it just a prank to make me uncomfortable? Gosh I want to check the phone again and I just forgot what I was going to buy. Do they know? Are they aware of my shopping list that is now forgotten? I hate this, please leave me alone.

Stop looking at me..

Don't focus on me..

As the years passed, it's always been like this.

I never stopped smiling but more like a happy expression it looked like an upward crack in a plate, breaking more little by little..

Hiding it, enduring it
But the harder my heart became, the easier it was to break it..

The people from the city scared me, their looks even as friendly as they were, it made me feel like they knew what happened to me, to my clan and to my parents.

I never brought up the topic of being an orphan and my adoptive parents took it as me asking for never talk about it.

I never knew how to talk about it and with the time I closed myself.

The walls got higher and higher at the point not even I could see the sun nor the blue sky
I pushed everyone away still being next to them, and invisible and impenetrable bunker where I hid my sorrow and grief.

I was so lost and the tears blurred my vision so instead of moving even backwards I stayed still.

Then I met Toge and unconsciously we made this bond stronger at the point to call him my brother, my brain and my heart strongly believed that he was a relatve of mine.

But his parents..

When I moved in with them, I noticed how warm and cozy his family was, so welcoming and understanding.. It felt like being in those cute mangas I used to read when I wanted to kill some time.

Their laughs and onigiri jokes were like music to my ears, and still..

I felt like I never belonged there..
I had a bed and a roof and yet, I had no place to go..

Like an alien in human skin, I was eating with them, playing with them, training, doing the dishes.. I was with them..

And yet I felt like I was in the same place but from another dimension, so close and still far away from my reach.

A happy family that I could never see myself being part of..

It was during those nights where I cried myself to sleep that I realized I never stop mourning about my parents loss..