Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Chapter 1 - Awkward Conversations

2022 - Present Day

My alarm pulls me out of dreamland. I want to cry. I silence the stupid machine before sitting up and looking around. No traces of my personality have lived in this room since I was thirteen. My walls are no longer light blue but a pale grey and my carpet has been thoroughly cleaned so no colour remains. My desk sits mutely in the corner, it's only occupants being last night's maths homework and a small pot of pens. My single bookcase sits sullenly in the corner, all of the books untouched, chosen by my dad.
I sigh and throw my plain grey blanket off of me, leaving its matching pillows messily strewn across the mattress. I stumble across the room to my wardrobe and start blearily digging through it for some clothes. My school is the only one in the area without a uniform which means I get the pleasant job of trying to dress 'straight' every day. I decide on a plain grey t-shirt, a pair of black jeans, a dark green hoodie and my converse. Perfect. I'll look straight enough, right? I try to make my curly brown hair look mildly presentable before shoving my maths homework into my backpack and heading downstairs.

Dad is sitting at the kitchen table, eating breakfast. I dart over to the cupboard and pull out a breakfast bar, wanting to escape this hellhole as quickly as possible.
    "Michael, you're going to your mother's this afternoon. I have a work conference," Dad says curtly. I internally cheer. Mum's house is the best. It took her a little while to accept my sexuality, she only really did after the divorce, when Dad wasn't crushing everyone with his stupid opinion. I nod, trying not to smile too much. Dad waves his hand in dismissal, signaling the end of the conversation. I don't even bother saying goodbye as I hurry out of the house.

I begin the twenty minute walk to school, trying to occupy myself with my surroundings. As always, I spare a quick glance over at my ex-best friend Sam's house. My breath hitches when he sprints out of the front door and almost slams into me. He's hardly ever out this early.
    "Fuck! Sorry mate, I-" He pauses as he realises who I am, "Oh. Michael Valley," He says,
    "Hello," I smile awkwardly. Sam smiles back, running a hand through his thick blond waves. He stares at me for a moment longer and then his smile quickly fades. He adjusts the blazer of his school uniform, looking uncomfortable.

    "I can't do this," He mumbles, stepping away from me, his chocolate brown eyes wide with something that looks like guilt, or possibly disgust. I feel slightly sick. I just want this interaction to be over. I'm about to just walk away when his front door is flung open for a second time. Sam's mum comes running out of the house. She looks like Sam, the same bright smile and warm brown eyes.
"Sam! Wait, you forgot your water bottle!" She hurries over to us, holding a blue water bottle. Sam thanks her sheepishly and shoves it in his backpack. His mum is about to leave when she suddenly notices me standing there, "Michael? God, you're so grown up. You're taller than Sam now, my goodness," She grins and pulls me into a motherly hug. I feel tears in my eyes. For fucks sake, why do I have to get emotional every time someone is remotely nice to me? We pull apart and I smile awkwardly.

"How's the new school Michael, dear?" Mrs Foster asks, a warm smile on her face. I relax,
    "It's great, everyone's been really nice," I tell her honestly. I've been going to Amerfield Private School for just over a year now. Mum enrolled me there, its a school for kids who are different, who don't feel safe at regular school. It's definitely been a change for the better. Robinville High was hell for me. Mrs Foster nods kindly at my words and I suddenly realise that I've been standing there for longer than I should have. I give my head a small shake and smile at Mrs Foster.
    "Nice to see you again Mrs Foster," I say politely. She laughs lightly and shakes her head,
    "Always so formal, Michael Valley," She responds warmly. I nod, looking at the ground.

Sam looks uncomfortable. He stands beside us, his eyes slightly narrowed. He clearly doesn't want me to be here so I take the hint and say,
    "I should get going, I don't want to be late for school and it's a twenty minute walk and sometimes the florist on the main road stops to talk to me. So really sometimes it's a thirty minute walk, or twenty five, depending on how long I'm talking to Nico for. Nico is the florist, by the way," I'm rambling. That happens when I'm anxious. The school counsellor says that it's a defence mechanism. She's probably right. Sam looks really uncomfortable. I feel bad. "Um, sorry, I should stop talking. It was nice to see you both. Have a lovely day," I smile hurriedly before turning on my heel and quickly walking away, mentally slapping myself in the face.