The Transference

C2

C2

So this is what heartbreak feels like.

What did I think was going to happen? That, yeah, since all my troubles are over and my questions answered, I can be with the guy I like but I thought wrong. It wasn't as if I asked him to marry or something. He straight up told me no. Fucking asshole rejected me! He didn't even think about it or look at me twice.

Kissing him under the mistletoe last semester was a bold move on my part because I thought I read him right. I mean, I saw the way he looked me that night and I was so sure he felt everything I felt.

So what changed? Or did I read him wrong?

It was his idea to go to island together and fuck I really read into it. I thought maybe he didn't want to do anything on school grounds. I thought he wanted to spend more time with me. In my defense, we did spend all our time together. I saw his eyes when he looked at me and I always felt him staring at me when I wasn't looking.

So what went wrong?

If I'm to take an educated guess, I will say it's because of my grandmother, the queen. He told me she tasked him with a job to protect me, and I know he would never do anything stupid like disobey her. You see, Damian is a proud guy, he has ego even though he doesn't know it, it's just the way he is. He is an alpha male from a world where male ruled, but that dynamic changed over the last few decades when my grandmother took the throne. Damian said she was the first female leader, and from what he told me the throne was wasn't handed to her, she took it by force and to do that in a place like that made her more respectable. He respects her more than anything, he's loyal to her, I know he won't do anything to jeopardize his position in her army.

At first I thought she was the reason he hadn't asked me out. I also thought it might be because he isn't human, so he doesn't really know how that works. I took it upon myself to address the elephant in the room with the hopes of getting a positive reaction from him but I was wrong. He doesn't feel anything for me, and it's not like he hasn't been telling me. I guess I was just too stupid to see it.

How could I have seen it when he's always been there. I should have seen it coming, all the signs were there. Ever since the kiss, he's kept me at a distance but he was always there when I needed him. I never ask why because I preferred him that way. Even though he kept me at a distance, he became more aware of me. He wasn't as cold as he was before. There was a time he even laughed at my lame jokes. At first, I didn't mention the kiss because I was waiting for him to bring it up since he kissed me back and man, for someone who said Dihipians don't get physical, he sure proved himself with that kiss. When he didn't say anything, I did, and he'd always change the subject. He never gave me any ideas but he shouldn't have given me mixed signals.

None of this would have happened if I hadn't followed him back to the island, but deep down I knew I went with him because I didn't have anywhere else to go. I can't spend three months alone in The Vale, I'll go insane. Jessica, Nate and Alicia are the only people I have there to talk to and I can't exactly spend my vacation with them, I could have gone to Jessica's but I never thought about it. He brought the idea of 'relaxing in front of the ocean' and I took it without thinking.

I can't say I'm not hurt by Damian's words because they gutted me out but there's nothing I can do about. Can't force people to love me, so I'm just going to have to deal with it. I'm glad we're going back to The Vale because there I won't be seeing him regularly and I will not give him the satisfaction of knowing he broke my heart.

"You ready?" Damian's voice pulls me from my thought as he asks.

I zip my bag and whip my head to side to see him standing at the doorway. My eyes meet his and it doesn't take a genius to know he's retract back to his old self. The cold Damian, I can tell from the dead, blank green eyes staring back at me. I loved when those eyes uses to sparkle with life, it did until this morning. I expected too much and now I have to deal with it.