Summer Nights

62: 'Even angels fall...'

I stare numbly at the wall in-front of me, waves of nothing crash over me in a torturous cycle. I don't bother to move when I feel something soft and warm being draped around my shoulders.

I've always been someone who wore their emotions with pride even as a small child I was highly entuned with my emotions but now for the first time in my life I'm completely void.

'Sunshine.'

'Scar?'

'Yeah?' I murmur weakly.

'I've just put Vi down for a nap, why don't you get some rest yourself?'

I shrug, 'I'm not tired.'

'You look exhausted.' He whispers as he strokes the top of my head before pressing a soft kiss.

'I don't want to sleep.'

'Why? Talk me.'

'Because I'm going to be alone with my thoughts and I don't want that.'

I hear a soft sigh leave his lips before he situates himself directly in-front of me, he gently cups my face forcing his chocolate coloured eyes to bore into mine.

'I think we need to book you an appointment at the doctors.'

'What?'

He closes his eyes shut as a shaky breath escapes him, 'I'm really worried about you and I'm concerned it might be postpartum depression.'

I recoil from him as if his touch could burn me, 'W-Why? Why would you think that?'

'Because sunshine you haven't been yourself for weeks and you're slowly becoming a shell of yourself and I can't remember the last time you wanted to feed Violet.'

'I love my baby!' I choke out, 'She's my everything.'

'I'm not saying that you don't, I'm saying that you might need some extra support and that's completely okay.'

'I'm not going to end up like my mom.'

'I know you aren't but I just want you to be okay.'

I shake myself out of his grip, I slowly stand up and begin to pace up and down, 'I'm not going to be okay Rocky! My mom basically admitted that I was the cause of her fucking suicide!'

'You couldn't have been the cause Scarlett, you were a fucking baby!'

Hot tears burn the corner of my eyes as a strangled sob manages to escape, 'Then why would she fucking say it?'

'Because she was sick!'

'I've dedicated my entire fucking life to making her proud of me! I'm kind to everyone even if they don't always deserve it! I let go of my other passions so that I could be consumed in drama and theatre because that's always want she wanted to achieve! And all of it was for nothing because she'll never be proud of me because she hates me!'

Rocky knits his eyebrows together, 'Well...what do you want?'

'What?'

'You said that you dedicated your entire life to her but what do you want your life to be?'

I shrug, 'I want to help people, all I want is to have some magical fucking wand that can help people heal.'

'Is that because you need to heal yourself?'

I blink rapidly, 'What?'

'Scar you've been through trauma like I wouldn't believe, don't you think you owe it yourself to begin to heal.'