I'll always remember us

24. Advit

I couldn't sleep all night. I had only one thing going on in my head ......HER.

It has been her all this time, I just couldn't understand and couldn't control the situation.

Do I love her?
Do I just like her?
Is this attraction because of our past?
Is it even an attraction?
Am I just deprived of love?

All these questions clouded my brain as I took a sip of the 5th herbal tea I made that night.

I had been thinking about her since the roka ceremony ended and something ached inside my chest everytime I thought about marrying her.

Are my feelings still there?
Do I feel the same for her as I did 6 years ago?

The first thing I need to do this morning is figure out what I feel for her.
I can't work with her being on my mind 24/7.

I got out of my room looking like shit because i haven't slept all night because of the obvious reason.

"Do you need some skincare, brother?"
I can't with him, shivaansh never leaves an opportunity to insult the heck out of me.

"I haven't slept, it's fine, I have nobody to impress"

"Well if my sister sees you like.."
Oh my god, shit.....if shivani sees me like this...
I covered his mouth and pulled him inside my room.

"Fix this or I am killing you this instance"
I told shivaansh, signaling him to do something with my face.
She cannot see me like this.

"I thought you had nobody to impress"

"I don't.....have"
I stood there while thoughts ran across my brain and then I quickly sprinted towards him.

"Actually you know what I want to impress your sister, I have been thinking about her since the roka ceremony and I cannot stop.
All I have have been thinking is how beautiful she looked in that colorful saree with her deep neck and backless blouse with 5 rows of different colored beads stitched in 5 different lines and her hair in a half up, half down bun with a bow at the back of her head with precisely 5 beads no six beads on each end....."
I couldn't stop talking how beautiful she looked..

"Woah, woah hold on there...how long have you been staring at her"

"I don't know!"
I looked at him very concerned with my own actions

"Bro, do you like her again?"
He questions me, I could see his genuine concern

"I DONT KNOW!, I HAVE BEEN FREAKING OUT SINCE LAST NIGHT.
WHAT IF I DO?
WHAT DO I DO?"

I told him exaggerating and panicking all at once.
I ran my hand through my messy hair making it more of a mess than it already was.

"Just figure it out I guess"
He said and left from there.

.......

I made it to my seat amidst all the chaos.
I sat adjacent to shivaansh and shivani sat right across us with my mother in between me and her and oh my God!
That was the first time in this whole 'London adventure' I have thanked my mother.
It was better to stay as far as possible from her.
This was just nuisance, how can person stay away from his fiancé when both of our mothers are playing cupid.

"Shivaansh, idhar aakar baith, I want to talk, shivani could you go to his seat beta?"
My mother announced to which she nodded and came ans sat on shivaash seat while he went to hers.

(Shivaansh come and sit here)

Her behavior seemed off and so did mine, there was a wall of awkwardness in between us and oh my God! It was killing me...i was dying to talk to her, i was dying to hold her hand and I was dying to.......STOP....stop right there!.
My mind and the thing inside chest will get the best out of me today.

The entire 9 hours on the flight were silent, nobody uttered a word.
I didn't dare to go even an inch closer to her because I knew there will be consequences if I do so.

........

(In india)

At the airport I stayed 5 km away from her and our mothers and was sticking to shivaansh like chewing gum and I for a fact know that they noticed it but she choose to ignore it and I am glad she did because she was ignoring me the same way I was.

There was a stingy feeling in my heart that didn't go away since the roka ceremony and it intensified on the flight.
I felt like I was about to die.

"Should I get checked for heart problem,
It's aching like crazy"
I asked shivaansh keeping the palm of my hand on my heart.

"Mate, just go to her if it's painful, experience se keh raha hun, it's not good"
He was so goddamn unbothered with my problem I wanted to kill him.

(I am telling you from experience)

"Can we eat somewhere?"
I heard her say to her mother

"Yes, let's go to domino's, I am starving"
Shivaansh ran towards them so I had to follow him.
Couldn't stand there alone.

.....

Shivaansh was busy with someone on the phone and our mothers were in the washroom so again it was me and her.
We had been instructed to order so we were doing that.

"What will you have?"
I asked

"Anything.."
So effing ignorant

"Why are you talking like that?"

"As if you care, you haven't said a word this entire time, now you care why i talk like this"

"That was be.....anyways what will you have?"
I ignored that question because I knew I couldn't answer it, I could never answer it and she would never be pleased with my lack of answer so I left it at that.

Deal with it like a mature man advit!

"Onion and, capsicum pizza with choco lava"
She replied

I ordered for all, we ate and left.
The thought of her still didn't leave me,
And it felt like it won't leave me until I get to the bottom of this problem.
Feeling something like this feels so illegal.