She really hates ME!
She really hates my soul, my body, my mind, MY WHOLE FUCKING EXISTENCE!!
I don't blame her, it's my fault, I fucked her up.
I did all of that to her and I am sorry, I really am.
I had no choice, I had to do what I did.
I shouldn't care about the fact that she hates me.
I shouldn't, that's not my place but I still do.
I cannot help it, everytime I think about her, my heart does a somersault in my chest.
Everything reminds me of her, it feels like every bollywood song was made about her.
She hates you, idiot!
That's what my inner soul keeps telling me but my heart, it just, doesn't want to believe it.
Last time I felt something for her, it wasn't this intense but this time it's killing me from inside, it's eating me up.
"Why do you think she's acting like that?"
I ask her brother, though I know the reason myself but I just want to confirm.
He may know much more than I do.
"Bro, you hurt her, like real bad"
He replied not paying attention to me but to the ice-cream.
"Elaborate!"
"I know the reason, YOUR reason to leave, she doesn't!
She thinks you're an asshole who just played with her feelings and when you got bored, you left!"
I couldn't believe my ears.
She thinks that!
She thinks that about ME!
ME!
"GOT BORED??" I said with amused expression on my face
"Got bored of what, of her?, are you serious?, this is what she thinks of me?"
A heavy sigh left my mouth, I just couldn't believe what I heard.
"You never told her"
"You could, you are her brother"
"I was in no place to tell her, besides she won't listen, she only wanted you, but you left and it crushed her, badly"
His words were heavy.
I felt like I was back to my old immature, fucked up self who wanted to fix stuff everytime but failed, failed miserably.
Can someone die out of guilt?, because I surely wanted to.
Everytime I came close to her, I broke her heart.
Everytime I promised myself that I would make her happy, I did the opposite.
Everytime I thought I could give her what she deserves, I fucked up.
"I'll leave"
I say to my bestfriend and left.
.......
I haven't slept in two days, drowning in guilt, regret and a million emotions I couldn't recognize.
I thought about me and shivani all night.
I gave our relationship a thought.
This cannot work!
If i want to see her happy, I need to stay away, she was happy the past 6 years and she'll only be happy if I stay away.
DO I LOVE HER?
probably.
WILL THIS HURT?
yes
WILL SHE BE HAPPY?
yes!
I cannot refuse to this marriage but I can refuse to be a part of her life and I'll do that, as long as she is happy.
Since it has been 2 days since our arrival, our mothers have been planning a big fat Indian wedding!
When I ask why the hell is she so excited she says
"Ghar ki peheli shaadi hai, excited toh hona Banta hai"
(It's our family's first wedding, we have to be excited)
My cousins and the rest of the family arrive in the next two days.
Big fat Indian wedding means big fat Indian palace.
The wedding is in jaisalmer, I had to persuade so many people just to book that fucking palace for our wedding.
Her cousins have arrived, some family members are left and shivaansh has been at my house since they landed in delhi.
"Why the f are you at my house?"
I am annoyed at him more than I am at myself.
"Bro, voh saari ladkiyan meri jaan leke maanegi, unko sab Jaanna hai, tu koan hai, kaisa hai, Mera bestfriend kyu hai, tum log kaise mile, and all the effing shit, mummy kabhi keheti hai ghee khatam ho gaya toh kabhi kehti hai tel khatam ho gaya, vo grocery store wale bhaiya bhi mere pure khandan ko jaante hai ab"
(Those girls at my house will kill me, they wanna know everything, who are you, how are you, why are you my bestfriend, how did you guys meet, and all the effing shit.
My mother constantly tells me to bring different groceries, the grocery shop guy knows all my family members now)
"You--"
"Also, shivani ki bestfriend from London and her assistant hasn't arrived yet, she yells at me all the time and she doesn't want to see your face"
The last line hit a little too hard.
I cannot do anything about it.
The least I can do is tell her the truth and apologize but I am not good at that.
The truth is she claims she lacks communication skills but I think she communicates better than me.
It's me, I am the asshole.
I run a big effing company and I still can't communicate.
I am trying, I am!
Someday I might be able to tell her.
............
Every family member to have ever existed in my family has arrived at my house and now in....two hours we have to leave for jaisalmer.
My maternal grandparents and paternal grandparents both have that proud smile on thier face because I didn't marry my girlfriend.
I didn't have one!
They were so proud of me because I was having an arranged marriage.
All my cousins glared at me because I closed the doors for them.
They don't know shivani's my ex.
Shivaansh in the corner though doesn't leave a chance to flirt with each one of my cousins.
"Hey, kisne mujhe bataya kyu nhi advit ki behen itni cute hai"
I heard him say to one of my cousins.
"Haan cute toh hogi na, 16 saal ki hai"
I replied crossing my arms across my chest
"Oh shit!"
He cursed under his breath.
"Chal dadi bola rahi"
.......
My grandmother had some smoked red chilies in her hand while she circled some kind of smoke around me.
"Buri nazar wale tera muh kaala"
(Idk iska English, comment kar do)
"Aage se kaala, peeche se kaala, side se kaala"
(Iska bhi, I am not racist)
I added to lift my mood
My joke ended with a smack from my mom
We all packed our bags and left for the airport.
......
The functions are going to be very detailed.
I tried to improve😊
YOU ARE READING
I'll always remember us
Romancegrowing up and growing apart sometimes people who really love you have to leave you for your own good and it's okay to grow apart holding on to things that hurt isn't a wise choice They broke up in college but now are forced into an arranged marri...
