Undying Passion

Could be yours

I came home and changed into my most hideous pajamas, and took one good look at myself in the mirror.

He wants nothing to do with you. He wants nothing to do with you, you stupid donut!

I pulled up my shirt and looked at my stomach. I wish I could just cut it off, maybe then I'll be perfect. I just want to be perfect like my dad wanted my mom to be.

I instinctively touch my hip where I have a small scar that couldn't even be seen without close examination. Even though it's small, it holds so much pain behind it.

I closed my eyes to keep myself from crying. Keep yourself together. You have a career to focus on, not establishing a relationship.

As I sat in bed reading my book, I got a text on my phone.

Maggie.

"You can't be mad at me forever. Sorry for being a bitch yesterday. I'm bringing home Chinese in a couple of hours. Sounds good?"

"I'm sorry too. I'm stupid and naive. I'll talk to you when you get home. Chinese sounds perfect"

"Are you Okay? Do you need something?"

"I'm fine. No, I don't but thanks for the offer :)"

"No problem. I have your back. Love you girie"

"Love you too babe. See ya later"

As I flopped down on my bed, part of me hoped that I could find someone who could love me for me, who would be there for me.

I sound like a desperate lost cause. There has always been so much pressure on me to be the best I can be. And now that I'm here, no one acknowledges what I have achieved.

"You have to push it Maddie! What team is going to want a lazy ass?!" Coach Filips used to scream at me every single softball practice.

"You have to want it Maddie. What university is going to want a dumbass?!" My mom yelled at me all throughout high school.

"I'm not your father. Your whore of a mother couldn't keep her fucking legs shut for one minute and she got knocked up with you and ruined my fucking life!" My dad used to say to me every day when I called him my father.

"Get yourself together kid. No man wants a fuck up" my nana used to laugh out while smoking a cigarette on her porch.

"Maddie, leave me the fuck alone with your stupid fucking math homework. No one gives a damn" my Aunt Ingrid used to tell me when I stayed over at her house when my mom couldn't take care of me.

"Do me a favor and shut up" uncle George muttered as I recited my favorite poem by Mother Goose.

"Maddie. I'm proud of you, you're my little sister and I'll always be here for you. You have to work hard to get out of here. Please, I love you. I love you so much" my brother John would tell me every night.

I miss John in every way possible. He was my rock and my ray of sunlight in the middle of a terrible storm.

In the middle of my reminiscence of my terrible childhood, I got another text message. This time it wasn't from Maggie. It was Ryan?

"We need to talk..." He wrote.

I didn't know what to say so I waited a minute or so. Okay so maybe I waited 10 minutes.

"What's there to talk about?" I wrote back. Real clever mads.

"You know exactly what...don't pretend like yesterday didn't happen...and what you saw today wasn't what it looked like"

"Why should I care what it looked like?"

"I understand that. But there seems to be a conflict of interest when it comes to me being your boss"

"Okay. We kissed. It happened. You're way out  of my league anyway"

"Excuse me?"

"I said, you're way out of my league. Do you have comprehension problems?"

"In what universe would a beautiful woman like you be out of MY league? I've seen many women in my lifetime and you, are the most beautiful. By far. And to answer your question, I most certainly do not have comprehension problems. I won my second-grade spelling bee"

I blushed at his comment

"And I also know that you blushed at that comment"

My eyes widened and I had the urge to look around the room.

"Thank you. So what is it that we have?"

"I don't know. And I know many things. After work tomorrow would it be okay for me to take you out on a formal date?"

"That's so...generous of you"

"I aim to please"

I smiled at his comment and heard Mags walk through the front door. I couldn't wait to tell her that this "evil" guy may not be so bad after all.

I had a feeling she would not take it so well.