Rockstar 101 (One Direction)

Chapter 39

"I told you everything

Opened up and let you in

You made me feel alright

For once in my life

Now all that's left of me

Is what I pretend to be

So together, but so broken up inside

'Cause I can't breathe

No, I can't sleep

I'm barely hangin' on"

A single tear rolls down my cheek. This song always makes me cry. It relates to me so much. Especially with my dad saying that I'm a terrible singer and worthless. I feel like this song was made for me.

This week's theme is guilty pleasures. I decided I would sing Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson. This song just fits me so perfectly. Especially with everything going on with Louis. I've been listening to it all week, though. Nonstop.

"Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes."

My eyes remain shut as I sing into the microphone hanging in front of me. I was supposed to record this song on Wednesday, but my throat was too sore to sing or even talk. I cried myself to sleep that night and woke up to an extreme sore throat. Now, I'm recording on Friday. The day before the live show.

The music suddenly cuts off. I open my eyes to see Cheryl and Savan, staring at me with concern. Was I off key? I remove my headphones off of my ears and place them around the microphone. Savan, my vocal couch, leans forward and presses a button on the panel in front of him.

"That's enough for today." Cheryl says when Savan holds the button down.

I nod my head and step out of the recording booth. I pick up my hoodie from the black leather chair in the corner. I didn't feel like dressing up today. I just threw on a pair of capri sweatpants, black tank top, and a black pullover hoodie. I'm sporting the lazy look.

"Are you okay?" Cheryl touches my arm, gently.

I look up at her to see us alone. Savan must have left the room. "I'm fine." I fake smile.

"I heard there was some drama in the house. Do you want to talk about it?" Cheryl sits down in one of the leather couches.

Maybe I should talk to someone about it. Everyone in the house has tried to get me to talk to them about everything. I just don't want to completely open up and explain the real reason why Louis's words hurt me so much. I've actually considered explaining everything in my video diary. I haven't done mine yet. It would be the best way to explain it. No one could interrupt me.

"Um. I do need to talk about it, but not to a person." I pull my hoodie over my head. "I'm going to explain everything in my video diary today."

"Okay. If you ever need to talk then I'm here." Cheryl stands up and walks over to me.

"I'll remember that." I nod.

Cheryl pulls me in a hug. "I'm sure everything will turn out fine."

I shake my head, sadly. "I don't think so."

Cheryl frowns at me as I walk out of the room. A few workers are in the hallway. I walk past all of them to the front of the building. A black car is waiting for me in front of the entrance way. I jog down the few stairs and open the back door to the black BMW.