Unwanted Mates

Chapter 38: "I want to love you"

SMUT warning in this chapter

Mikkeli POV

As I wake up from my deep slumber, I feel nothing except tiredness. These last few days, no matter how much I sleep, I still feel tired. 

It's been ten days since my brother has been in a coma, it's been eight days since I buried my best friend, and it's been four days since his family left, which made me break my promise to him that if anything happened, I would look after them.

As I am used to, I keep myself together during the day. I am an Alpha; no matter what, I can't show any weakness. Especially not now when my pack suffered such a big loss. But still, I cry every night; for the first time in my life, I allow myself to cry; I allow myself not to be okay. For the first time, I feel there is no shame in feeling weak, in missing something that was taken from us.

Hannah holds me every night as I cry and feel helpless.

The last days I spent away from everything. Hannah, Patrick, and Rose made it clear that they can take care of everything for some time and that I should allow myself to rest. So I try to, during the day, sit with the twins and Hayden and talk to them about him. They like hearing stories about our childhood, and I enjoy it as they tell me about their family. I try not to think too much that if Hayden never wakes up, they will lose another dad. When the boys don't hear me, I whisper to his ears that's enough of playing, and he should open his eyes.

When I'm not with Hayden, I chat with Kyle as we both try to give each other some encouragement and support. I think how much he matured during the last weeks, how much our father was wrong taking him as weak just because his an omega wolf.

In the evening, I go for a run. Byron is in pain, and long, exhausting runs seem to give him some moments of peace. After the run, I usually lock myself in now, empty Beta rooms. In this place, I can still smell Tony. I can't still pretend that my best friend is here with me.

Every night I cry myself to sleep in Hannah's arms, and in the early morning, I carry Rosie. As she used to before, she keeps coming to our bedroom at dusk, and I carry her so she wouldn't wake up Hannah. In the morning, all three of us usually wake up cuddled.

Just like now, Rosie is holding my arm, and I see no Hannah. She must've already got up as today I've woken up quite late. I get dressed and take Rosie to have breakfast; somehow, everybody has accepted lately that I should be taking care of her in the mornings. That is my life now; that is my routine. And despite being sad and tired, I know I slowly get better; I slowly heal.

"Mikkeli," Rose greets me as she enters the kitchen and gives both Rosie and me a tiny smile.

"Where are the  boys?" I ask.

"They still sleep," she replies.

I nod my head and ask another question:

"Where is Hannah, again, in my office?"

"You've noticed?"

"I know she is up to something. I've seen her talking with you, Dalton, Jake, Patrick, some warriors, and pack members. And she uses my phone a lot, calling my allies or Hank."

"And yet you haven't asked?"

"She will tell me when she's ready," I sigh. "What doesn't mean I'm not worried."

Rose sits next to me and squeezes my hand lightly.

"Saying goodbye to our loved ones is always painful, but we still have to move on," she says.

I give her a shy smile; I'm not used to getting comfort from others but Tony, Hayden, and now Hannah.

"You know you are a wonderful Alpha, and your mother would be so proud of you if she were still here. I know that losing Tony feels like losing your hand, and his death was so unfair, but we all must keep going. You and Hannah have your whole life ahead of you."